Most days I wake up with a fake smile plastered on my face. It’s like my own little lie to the whole world because I’m afraid they would know my thoughts. I guess it started when I was little because my dad got really sick he was the only one who understood me. He died in 2010. My mom is the type of person who literally runs from problems with out realizing how much that effects me. She’s never one to tell me that she loves me instead she tells me what others say about me. Around my friends I paste a smile on my […]
Tag:
Emotion
I am stressed and live with high anxiety all the time. It is to the point when I do not even remember what life is like without constant pressure and I am only 21. I understand that life is stressful, that there will always be things that upset me, and that since I have survived much more difficult times in my past. But it is exhausting to just survive at this point, and it seems to be only getting worse. Before I can resolve one problem or stressor another one comes up, and then another and then another, and the stress and anxiety I live […]
that’s never something that i could say about myself, because i’m so far down into the suicidal pit that i feel that there is no way out. if you’ve ever been here (and i’m sure that most of you have), how did you pull yourself back out? i don’t even know if it’s possible to do, for myself, anyway. but for those of you who had that unreal emotion called ‘hope’, if you had it, hang on to it! and if you still have ‘hope’, please do not ever, ever let it go. i don’t know what hope feels like, and may not even recognize […]
As expected, i knew I would be posting this. As i type-the constant perfectly worded bbm’s come in and the apologizes come gushing out. But they mean nothing, even when i try to smile and feel the emotion, I just can’t. Im more than just hollow, Im more than just the ice queen-im just ice now. I knew this would happen, didn’t I say that yesterday in another round??? The promises were forgotten by the time the top of the staircase was reached, they were probably forgotten as soon as they left the lips. Now Im sitting here again, another disappointing day. So sick of […]
Over the past two years I have been with a girl named Ashlyn. I’m going to go ahead and tell you the whole story of how “we” happened.
Ashlyn has a brother that is 3 years old. He drowned in a pool one afternoon while the babysitter was supposed to be watching him. His name is Brody. Brody is now on a vent to breathe and has a trach. He has been in a coma for 2 and a half years. Ashlyns mom- Jackie hired a team of nurses to take care of her son. Selfish right? Jackie believes that since everyone has granted her sympathy […]
My heart is breaking. i cannot do this anymore. i’m just a shell of who i was, im no longer there, so why do you try to keep me here, when it’s not me anymore? my demons have overpowered me, the voices in my head have overpowered me, and the people have too….
i cannot keep living this way, i will not survive the physical and emotion pain anymore. im sick off this. i cant keep living. it hurts to wake up in the morning. i wish i could be strong like him, but i cant. It hurts to breathe. I wish […]
I’m not sure if I don’t want to kill myself because I finally have a better life, for right now, or if I’m just to numb to feel sorry for myself.
For my art class I had to paint something with emotion… It took me about two days to think of something to paint since I’m almost completely emotionless.
In every painting I have it has a heart somewhere incorporated in it. I’m not sure why but I always paint hearts. I guess it’s because I’m always looking for love. I don’t know, I just always feel empty, like I’m missing something. I’ve never had this feeling before, not […]
I have been alive for a little over 15 years  now.  I’ve laughed countless times, smiled the majority of my life, and cried when it seemed appropriate.  Yet I’ve rarely done any of these with emotion.  I’ve been alive for over a decade and a half but I can’t think of a single time when I was truly living.
I started to realize that I was empty, and that emptiness was suffocating.  It was a tangible force, crushing me to the ground like gravity.  I wanted to feel something…  maybe love or at even agony, just anything but this hollowness inside of me.  I want to be able to […]
I’ve felt a change in my emotions lately
A realization
Or
Maybe I’m just remembering.
Coming down from my dillusion
Back into reality.
But more lucid this time around.
Bitterness does not form
Yet happiness is still ages away
Basically a myth now.
These moments when every emotion
Has disappeared completely by reaching its peak
The most anyone could ever feel
Any emotion
Name one.
I can.
Rage.
Enraged.
The feeling of wanting to create a homicidal storm
Or at least stick nails into my own veins
Either way there will be blood
Don’t talk to me for a while
Don’t look at me without […]
I don’t know whats been going on lately. I’ve been feeling worse and worse. And it just feels like I’ve been cutting off everyone from my life even more, which I didn’t think was possible Not that I was a social butterfly to begin with, I have never invited someone over to the house and I detest parties so I don’t go to them. But lately its just been worse. I haven’t texted anyone in the last two weeks, haven’t seen or talked to anyone I call a friend in three weeks. I probably wouldn’t have said a single word if I didn’t speak to […]
Well hmm. First off I mainly want people to give their opinions about this. If you don’t want to read a rant move on.
Certainly I can do without living for me it’s fairly easy, sure at times I get depresses but over all I am un effected by my doings because I see life as a game to be played rather than something for people to worry about because the main thing is life to me is “destiny” but this word is far from a good definition to me. I will cruelly say that the people who write on this are fun to laugh at […]
i can’t think straight anymore mind is nt at ease all i think about is taking this life my emotion are confusing my sight i need help any in plz give me some advice before i take this life
I don’t really feel my emotions any more. I know that they’re there, but my mind just doesn’t seem to process them the way that it should. For example, when I watch the news, and there’s a story about somebody that was murdered, I realise that I should feel something. I should feel anger toward the person that commited the murder. I should feel pity for the victim and his/her loved ones. But I don’t feel anything. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if I’m hanging out with friends, if something happens that makes everyone laugh, I am always the last to join in, […]
I will not kill myself! i will not take your crap . you will no longer play mind games with my emotion. i dont care that your my father you can go to hell and burn. To ever bully that ever teased me… FUCK YOU. You know what you guys are? pussies! spineless maggots that fed off my need to be like everyone else. One time i would have gave in and died. but now if i ever see you again DAD i will sock you in the teeth until someone bleeds. and it wont be me. To the man that raped me as a […]
I know its Hard for You to Understand,
Especially with this type of Emotion coming from a Man
But the Pain that I feel,
Deep Inside… is oh so Real
You rebuddle that the Decisions that I have Made, have put My Existence into a Shallow Grave
And that Deciding to Climb Out, is the Only way to Behave
But what You see as Weakness; I Embrace as Strength
A Strength that I Aspire to Muster;Â the Morning when My Body wont make Muster
See, what You see as an Act of Desperation; I view as an Act of Courage
A Rising Plant that grows, the More it is Nourished
What You see as a […]
but I feel fucked up. I’m burnt out, I know it; I should stop. But why? Nothing gets better. Sober, enflamed.. the only difference is I have less control of my motor functions and my brain squeezes out more depression juice.
The juice is always flowing though, illicit drugs or no. I’m grateful for my brain, being so awake with such an open perspective, but it’s alienating. I felt apart from the general public before first doing drugs. The thing about them is that they just make you feel more of how you already feel.. at least for me they do.
My volume simply gets turned up; […]
I cant take this anymore. I’m so sick of everything. I cant handle Anything and it seems like everyone around me cant stand anything I do. I cant be that bad. I cant be the one that ruins everything. But I am.
I’m a horrible person and I don’t deserve the life I have. I hate myself. Why cant people decide if they are going to live? Why does it have to be so hard to flip the switch?
Some people don’t get that. They say I over react, particularly him. The one person I cant let go of. Hes always there, always telling me […]
Ok I read here a lot and have posted here when I have been feeling way off he planet, which is increasing often now. I feel “ok” right now. But there are some things I want to know.
1st this is how it is:
Not always but in the mornings when I wake up can feel like a light switch in my brain has been switched off.    Feels/sounds like dousing a match in water like. Like waking up and then just deflating (Always Followed by nonfunctional bad days)
Generally allways being “aware” that im sad / horrible / hurting all the time. Not fitting in.( I would […]
I feel as though i’m wearing a mask and no matter how much I want 2 I can’t b completely honest with anyone including my family and friends. I fake a smile and a laugh wen they’re catching on 2 me but it’s all a lie like I’m hiding behide a mask of fake happiness and I just can’t take it anymore I’m sick of lying. Y should I live a life filled with lies it feels fake like the mask. I feel like all of my emotion has been taken away and filled with emptiness.
i was bored today, so i started looking around the site again. i haven’t poked around for a while now. as i was reading people’s stories, i found myself envious of them. i think i know why. some of the people here- correction, MANY of the people here have already attempted suicide. and i am jealous. it’s not just in this online world, it’s in my reality too. it seems ok for everyone else to break down, but not me. a kid i had known for years hung himself in the week before his bar mitzvah. we saw my neighbor get carted out of her […]