Just have to quickly rant about this. So I go through twitter for my job to find stuff to copy and tweet out for clients and I came across this bullshit story of how you can be a billionaire if you just work hard enough at it and want it bad enough. Of course it’s cis het white guy who got rich because he married rich. Yeah, that was his big break. He was born poor but he married a woman who’s family owned a big company. So he made something more out of that company. See, there’s the lie. You can work your ass […]
Tag:
enough
i had a good maby hour and a half then my brother came back home with his shitty boyfriend on top of that i have to listen to my next door neighbors talk shit to. i felt good for what felt like 2 seconds, and it was nice. i just hope i get this job then all i have to do is save up enough money and move. ill be ok i just have to leave no one cares if i leave i just cant go back to that place whats so ever ill be ok.
I’m losing everyone. The two friends I thought would stand by me throughout everything, I’m losing them. I guess its good in some ways, because when the time nears for me to end it all I wont have to push them away and they wont have to hurt at all. They’ll be rid of me for good soon enough. I just hope they have good lives without me.
I’m afraid that when the time comes Ill back out, Ill think of someone, something, a ‘what if’. But I know my life will turn to shit whether I end it or not. I don’t want to have […]
Im sorry. I’m not the son my father wishes I could be, or the daughter my mother deserves. I have been, and always will be the second choice because I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I’m not kind enough, not smart enough for my boyfriend, not strong enough for every one and their hardships, not popular enough, not worth enough. I’m not worthy of you guys- all of you are so courageous and talented and intelligent and thoughtful. I don’t deserve you- and besides, you all have each other. You don’t need me- You all have each other. No one ever has, and I just need […]
I live with the hell of chronic pain conditions that affect me every day. I was dimissed from a doctor a month ago and have an appt with a new one soon. I’m on heavy pain meds and they ran out a few days ago. I have Percocet from my pcp to get me through the next few days but it’s not enough. How does someone who’s already severely depressed and daily thinks about suicide handle withdrawl at the same time?? I seriously feel the need to use again, and I haven’t done hard drugs in 10months. I’ve been crying often this past week and […]
The questions everyone has been asking for a while now is “why?”. So, I’m now going to tell you why.
Humans are idiots. I’m not saying we should all die, but humans are idiots. If you have something big to live for, goals, dreams, whatever, go for it. But I don’t. The only thing keeping me up right now is my family, and that doesn’t feel like enough anymore. I move all over the place, so I don’t have any concrete friends. My favorite thing to do is read, because I can be taken into another world, and because books have a definite ending. It’s the […]
I’m so fucking fed up with everything right now. My parents are driving me fucking crazy by being goddamn indecisive and they won’t tell me what the fuck is going on. Why do you have to play this stupid game?! Why can’t you tell me what’s going on? Why can’t you try to help me instead of putting such pointless weight on me that I can’t do anything about. Stop it. JUST STOP IT!
I’m fucking depressed enough. I’m already batshit crazy and this doesn’t fucking help. It doesn’t help that I don’t have anybody to talk to. It doesn’t help that all of this makes […]
I am, though. I can’t help it. I can’t help the fact that Im a failure. It’s not like I’ve not tried to put myself out there. I’ve done everything you wanted, Mom, Dad- I just… Nobody wants someone who’s nobody. And they don’t want any bullshit art that this shitty ass fucking 16 year old made. They don’t want dumbass masks I put my hard work into. They don’t even want my paintings! You tell me to put myself out there and then I’ll get people to buy my things. You tell me not to get a real job and just rely on art. […]
I know no one one is really listening, but I have no where else to go…………
Well I fucked up again, for the 3 millionth time. I posted something on facebook and I was in my head if you know what I mean. I said something about my family (well my moms side) and it was about money. I said ” november, but being nice enough anymore people are going to treat you like shit no matter what you do especially if you dont have a job even your brothes treat you like shit no matter what you do when it comes to people liking you […]
I am scared. Scared that I will not be enough. That something bad will happen to the ones I love. Scared that cant protect them. That I am a fraud. That I will never be enough.
Scared that I will never be what I want to be, because I am too scared to embrace it.
I have everything I have every wanted, and I am so afraid that the world will take it from me, that I cannot enjoy it.
Fear is ruining my life.
First off, let me say I heard what people say to me about him. I know he is controlling. Unfortunately, it is not in my nature to follow my brain. My heart speaks loud and clear to me. I love him, more than anything in this world. I chose to stay with him. I have given myself up in the process. Deep down I know he doesn’t mean to hurt me, sometimes I don’t even think he knows that he does. My depression is a topic we don’t talk about. He has made it clear that it take more than love for this relationship to […]
so my daughter also has depression, maybe other things, but she is only 13 and really just started her journey. i feel like i have no room to breathe. no room for me. i know it sounds selfish, but i have struggled since 8 or 9 as she has.i have threats and attempts of suicide in my life. she posts all this stuff on facebook, everybody calls me. what am i doing?…do more…do this…what about this. i have had to put all my treatment for my depression and fibromyalgia and neuropathy on hold because i am disabled and don’t work. all gas in car, […]
after spending five minutes in my garage, with the car running do you think I’ve poisoned myself enough or should I sit here till I pass out
Today’s just been horrible.
I always say to myself that I don’t think I could kill myself because of how my family would feel, but today I really couldn’t care less. Not a lot to say, but today I realized something I didn’t realize before
I am definitely, 100% sure that at some point I’ll take my own life.
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow,
but soon.
-V
Being so socially inept, isolated, and awkward, I completely damaged any social skills I had left. My own family doesn’t feel uncomfortable around me and I’ve just shut them out for months now. I can’t make friends even though I try so hard to be funny and nice, but my personality is so unattractive and annoying. It doesn’t help that I have social anxiety too. I’ve even stopped feeling attachment to people, like I can’t feel their emotions and care; it’s all dismissed as either “I don’t care” or they’re just manipulating me. Now I don’t even care about making friends, it’s such a bother; […]
This is my current muddled understanding of my situation.
A part of my brain (we’ll call it the emotional part) constantly tells me that something is wrong. I am not what I should be. I do not relate well socially. I do not have social status. I do not have real friends. I do not have a mate. I do not have children. I do not anticipate this changing. This is a problem, apparently.
Why is this a problem? The only reasons I can give are evolutionary – that my brain is a product of a process that elevates those who can maintain good social standing, relate […]
Girls don’t like me I’m average looking maybe better than average to some girls. They don’t like me. Guys don’t want to be friends with me girls don’t want to be friends with me people don’t want to hang out with me because I’m not cool enough for them. That being said I’m a nice guy I give money to people I buy ************’s coffee at Starbucks I give money to hobos I treat people with respect I’m companionate why isn’t that enough?
What the hell makes you think it’s okay to try to talk me out of suicide?
by ismedyl
written by ismedyl
In what world do you feel what I feel? NONE. I feel pain in my subconscious at a cellular level this feeling does not leave me I carry it around all day all week all month and all year. You have no right to tell me I have something to live for what the fuck do you know you don’t know what I deal with… How I feel. I’m broken I tried putting myself back together but it took superglue and it’s barely together and it looks like shit because that’s what I feel like… Shit I’m a good person I give money to hobos […]
I hate when people make fun of me for liking a specific thing. Those people don’t understand that, that band was the only thing there for me when I felt terrible about myself. Constantly people laugh and make jokes about it and I always think to myself “well they helped me from doing bad things to myself.” You should never make fun of something that someone else likes, because you don’t know what it means to them. That thing could be the most important thing in the world to them, and just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean that it is crazy.
The day I attempted, I knew exactly what I wanted. I didn’t care who was hurt and who would be a complete mess if I actually did die. I wanted out. For weeks before I was under so much stress from my mother. Everything was always my fault. Everything. The night before I attempted, I stayed out til 4 am with my boyfriend having one of the best nights in my life. When I finally came home, with 1% on my phone battery, I was locked out. She locked me outside in the downpour thunderstorm, frozen cold.
I managed to get my phone one long enough to […]