It was horrible, beyond any measure I could have anticipated.. I guess I should have known, but clearly didn’t. I was treated less than human, my basic rights suddenly stripped, walking around in hospital-issued scrubs in a daze, trapped, awaiting doctor’s orders for release.
3 days locked in the confinement of the behavioral wing of the hospital, constantly supervised, your every movement documented, got to go outside once, for some 15 minutes. It was so horrible, all I could think was “get me out of here”, and now that I am out, hardly do I feel any better, but surely for the worse.
Everything feels […]
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everything
Before you close your eyes, think of everything that made you smile and laugh today. Even down to the littlest giggle.
Pull it in. Fill your mind with it all. Close your eyes and hold onto those thoughts until you’re opening your eyes the next morning.
Stay strong tonight, friends.
…That is a lie. There are times when I can go whole hours without noticing it.
But any time I have to do something involving conscious thought, up it pops. My body is hard-wired to react negatively to encounters with reality. Everything is just another sign that I’m inferior. That I will never live up to my own expectations. That I’m a failure as a human-being.
I’m trying to accept these feelings. This despair that smothers me. But it’s exhausting. I get a few hours a day when I feel strong enough to function, but the rest of the time I just want to curl up and […]
I’ve spent hours in the dark with streams going down my face and cracks running along my heart. I’m always trying to put the pieces together.
Why does it feel like my life is crashing like the meteor that killed the dinosaurs?
I have my happiness. . Oh yes, I have it.
But you know that moment it feels like life makes your mind turn your emotions into people and sends them flying at each other with everything they got?
Negatives fighting positives.
Anger, sadness. . Fighting hard to destroy your happiness. To break all that love and strength in your heart.
That moment can make a person feel like they’re […]
Hi everyone,
I used to visit this site frequently years ago, but I was content to just read everyone’s struggles and think of them and relate… but since then just reading has become insufficient.
But I don’t want to tell my life story or make a long post, because I talk too much lately and I also just took my sleeping pill, so I would like to end this post coherently hahaha.
I’ll just say that I’ve been depressed since I was a child, and I noticed how different I was from everyone else, and after being abused and molested by 3 separate “friends,” at three separate points in my […]
I’m fucking tired and ive been tired for a long time
I honestly don’t even know how to explain this
I’m just sad and tired and I feel like life isn’t worth living. There is no true benefit and everything good comes to an end. Were all born alone and we die alone. blah blah more typical suicidal depressed teen shit
but the matter of the fact is that its all bullshit
life is bullshit everything in our ‘realities’ is bullshit
I don’t want to be another polluting selfish destructive asswipe and that’s all that humans are. we completely destroy everything we touch and I […]
This is my first post. And I’m terrified. Terrified that I have to resort to something like this. Terrified that I’m finding myself sinking back into a hole I thought I had successfully climbed out of years ago.
I’ve had depression of varying degrees on and off since the age of 11. I remember clearly the burning desire to end my own life at age 12; a struggle that took me years to overcome. Don’t ask me how; I don’t remember. Most of that time period in my life has become hazy.
But now, here I am. 17 years old, a loving boyfriend, a promising future. And […]
I miss them so. All of them. The place, even. Cold at times, warm at times…Inviting. A place of growth and happiness. I wish, more than anything, that I could be back there. A student. Or an instructor – for youth or (preferably) adults.
But…Nope! Probably not to be. I’ll just sit around here, going to college, bored, sad, lonely and depressed…Disinterested in everything. I swear I’m so fucked up.
Hasn’t anyone else felt like this? Surely so.
I think I’m allergic to the softer or something my mum used to wash the clothes the other day. I’ve had rashes for 3 days that itch constantly, and I’m cutting myself with my nails scratching. Oh well. It distracts me at times. I get so preoccupied with stopping the itches that I don’t think about what’s going on. I can deal with the stinging and itching if it means forgetting everything for a short while. I guess I just have something else to add to my allergies.
I left college early again today. I stayed for 2 hours until lunch, and then went home. It’s […]
At first, I unfriended him from facebook, and that hurt. And it’s not that I don’t want to be friends with him. It’s that it hurts too much that I can be so easily replaced and forgotten. But then I deactivated my page. He won’t notice I’m gone. After almost a year and always giving him everything, I don’t fucking matter at all. All that fucking matters to him is someone being under 100 lbs when he’s 300 lbs himself.
I want to fucking kill myself. Half because of him and knowing I’ll always be alone and half because I’m embarrassed to be so fucking ugly […]
It was the day when I became fed up of everything. It was my mom who pushed me to it. I’ve been depressed a lot before I did it. I had my suicide note ready and talked to a friend whom I’d be leaving everything to. She was shocked somehow since it was really out of the blue, I didn’t plan on hanging myself that night but I was just tired of everything. Same old routine, same old pain. Let’s face it, whenever we tell people we’re numb by it, we aren’t actually numb. We can still the very same pain we did the first […]
Physically trapped, I mean. In many ways I still feel trapped, but I digress.
I took time out of work for my urethritis pain. I couldn’t take it anymore, and I told my higher up everything, from chlamydia back in the start of 2014, to now just having this pain. She was very understanding, and suggested I go to Doctors Express. I did.
From there, I again told this doctor everything, but perhaps unsurprisingly she wasnt being all that helpful. Id pee in a cup again, I’d hear Im all clear, I know the drill. I began feeling frusterated, disparaging my eurologists office, and how it’s so […]
I was having doubts about this, but now I’m ready. Do you know what finally set me off? My mom. It was a good day, my brother started teaching me how to drive, my dad was just in his room, and my mom was watching tv. And my dad came out to ask about what we should do about our insurance. I don’t know why, but my mom started yelling saying that that should be his responsibility and that other families have everything sorted out. My family isn’t the richest, and whenever my dad does something without my mom’s knowledge she rages and when my […]
My birthday is coming up, and it’s coming up fast. I’m so scared for it to become another sufferable day for me. Im doing my senior project on that day and let me tell you… It’s hellish days full of utter loneliness. I’m not even exaggerating it. Nobody talks to me, my old friends mooch all over my sister and never intend on talking to me. They will look at me and not even acknowledge my very existence. It rips my heart in two.. I would not go to it.. If my parents weren’t so strict about it.. I got all my hours everything done! […]
It’s weekend, saturday night. It’s 10:54 pm and I’m in my room, in my bed. It’s dark and I have too many thoughts about everything. I think about where I’m in ten years, here? on this planet? alive?
I think back to the situation, when I was at school, my teacher told something about short storys. I thought about situations in my life, when I needed this informations. But i couldn’t find some.
I sit there, every day and waste my time for some stupid things like this. When I will kill myself, why should I go to school anymore? But I’m not sure if […]
I feel like I do everything wrong. I don’t even understand why I exist.
I have choice but to be suicidal. The razor blades are my only friends.
Fuck this, fuck life, fuck existence, fuck everything.
Bye.
Why is it that everything I do comes out wrong? I never get anything perfect, everything is a mistake, a failure. Well it makes sense because I’m a failure too. What’s the point of me living if I just ruin everything? The only time I try to help others, no one ever appreciates it. Fuck it! I wanna die!
This may seem like a minor problem at the moment,
But (I’ve mentioned) while seeing psychologist today, when she left, I took the moment to badly harm myself.
But see, I never hurt my wrist because its very evident and I don’t like wearing long sleeves 24/7, and it interferes with everything (the pain), and above all, its so horribly painful there afterwards, so usually when I’m doing ordinary tasks it stings like hell.
i wanna take a shower but….
Dear lord…
Any advice?