I didn’t mean for this to go as far as it did,
I didn’t mean to get so close and share what we did,
I didn’t mean to fall in love, but I did,
And you didn’t mean to love me back, but I know you did.
Tag:
far
I guess I should start with introductions. I am a 14 year old girl in my Sophomore year of high school. I have hardly any friends, and I wouldn’t consider my blood family, family.
Last week I found out that one of my few friends only wanted to be my friends because he wanted to be with me. He has completely ignored my existence since a mutual friend told him I didn’t want to be with him. Now he is continually posting on Instagram about ‘not being loved’ and how ‘I suck at finding love’ and almost all of the posts are directed towards me.
Now I […]
Yeah, I’ve been feeling that way lately. I’m afraid of getting kicked out of the place I just moved in to. Reasons? I know I’m renting from a neat freak and I’m not really filthy but I don’t have the energy to keep it looking like Merry Maids are on call either. I did something dumb that made a mess and now a rug needs washed, and I don’t have the energy to spend 4 hours after work on the slow washer & dryer in the basement. I feel like I shouldn’t be doing stupid shit like that and somehow, even though most […]
After having spent the last 20 or so years struggling to figure myself out, I feel as though I have a crystal clear understanding of myself. I guess you could say that I spent these past 20 years looking into my abyss. I found myself there.
People always say that suicide is not the answer. But what if it genuinely is? The human mind can only take so much and I feel as though I’ve lived through an eternity already and I’m 34. I struggled through a very isolated childhood as I’ve posted before and seen horrors that no child should […]
It’s safe to say I’ve fucked up my life pretty thoroughly. To the point where it feels like there’s no way back. This is who I am. It’s not some temporary blip. It’s a consistent reflection of my thoughts and feelings.
I’m so far outside normal human life that it’s scary. I turned 28 last week, but a large part of my thinking and behaviour is still trapped in childhood. And I can’t see any way to catch up now. I can fake a degree of social confidence for a while, but it’s easy to see through. I haven’t developed any of the skills that most […]
I been working on a political and social movement for years. The name or the organization will be called The Actionist Movement (a generic name for a complex ideology). I lost interest in it for years. One of my main goals is Neuropreservation for far future transhumanism. I haven’t gotten to that part because its complex. my philosophy covers a number of issues such as prison and school reform etc. here is what I wrote so far on my Bioethics Agenda (a lot more to write about that).
The book will be called – My Vision: The Manifesto of the Actionist Movement
EUTHANASIA – The option of […]
there’s no way that you are stuck on me like you used to be
and we never wade out too far till the skin begins to scar
to disappear without any trace
to open my eyes and see only your face
and to never be away from your side
wish we were so gone
stuck on these and your wide open seas and we never wade out too far till the skin begins to scar
warm lunar pole breezes here will keep us fine again
warm lunar pole breezes to the end
after light when we’re on our own and they slip on by
i had to […]
Waiting… for someone
Waiting… for some time
Waiting.. Waiting.. why?
Always waiting for things to ‘get better’
Time to ‘feel better’
Better has eluded me for 30 years now –
I think that 30 years is far too long to wait.
I just want to close my eyes and be gone.
Endless waiting vs. endless sleep?
I choose endless sleep
And just when you find a flicker of hope,
you realize all you saw, was a reflection in
the mirror, a glimmer now gone, so too is my resolve
when the time comes, I have decided that I want to be creamated. Would any of you like to have some of my ashes? I’m gonna give most to my far away sweetheart and my aunt. I’d like to also give some to the people in here thst gave the most support.
im lost and broken. im to far gone to go back. im hoping someday someone can fix me. ill never be the same but at least i would be happy..
I had this friend who I started talking to online. Me and my far away girl met him from a chat site. His wife left him after 4 years. He admitted that during the entirety of the marriage, she never let him do anything sexual with her at all! No sex, no foreplay etc! I was completely shocked.
He is a 43 man with Cerebral Paulsy, she was 25. She left him for another person with CP. I felt so sorry for the dude. I even ordered him NASCAR video game with my own money.
For almost a year after she left him, he praised her and blamed […]
Someone day just stopped me and said “You seem like you want to go somewhere far away..For some reason and she was right :/
Everyone around this fucking ***** sitting here thinking they know what’s best for me and trying to tell me how to live MY ducking life!! I just wanna get the fuck up and move as far away as I can and never fucking look back!! Tired of all the bull shit!!! Fuck this!!
http://youtu.be/RhNH1QfO9fE
Whitby wassup!?
Here I am. Only an hour away from Toronto. So far so good. All I need now is more fuel and food and fuel and fuel and fuel and FUEL and I’ll be good. Trolololalalala. HAHAHA HARHARHAR MUAHAHAHA. Ok. Where did that come from? Anyway. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
I told them I wanted to leave. It didn’t have to be far away, just away from here.
I need help and I know it. They know it. Everyone seems to know it.
I can’t get help while being here.
I’m becoming a monster. Aggressive, verbally abusive to others, physically abusive towards myself. I’ve just about given up on myself. And all anyone cares about is that fact that if I leave, it’s like I’m abandoning them. THEM!
Like, aren’t they abandoning me by only caring about themselves? They aren’t looking out for my best interest. I could kill […]
I’ve left my fears behind. Now I’m purely fuelled my anger and sadness. I was never good enough for anyone, and that was okay with me because I didn’t need to be.No, correction. I was never good enough for YOU. You stupid, terrible parents that pushed me to my breaking point and every time I built something for myself, you would knock it down and then ask me why I couldn’t build anything. I didn’t want this life. Everything I did I did for you. Straight As. 4.5 GPA. Getting into one of the top schools in the world. Student council president. Swim team. Band. […]
Today is my 21st birthday … For some this day is a celebration , a time to enjoy with friends and cherrish it ppl that you consider precious and they consider you in the same magnitude…… But for me this day is one were i reflect on the things i am not doing in my life and i should been doing. I reflect on the causes of my loneliness, the will to go forward that seems to be slipping away and unhappiness/depression that i keep in secret , mostly because i have no one to talk to … I see no […]
I go running everyday, lift weights, and try and eat healthy because from what I’ve experienced nobody likes a fat fuck. Healthy body healthy mind I suppose. Effexor day 1 so good so far, noticed a slight increase in motivation and energy, could be a placebo effect I’m not sure but I definitely feel more content. The next few days are gonna suck balls thought ’cause no boooooooze :(. Glad I got benzos to help me get to sleep from this fucking stupid ass withdrawal.
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Been drinking since last Friday, taken pills to sleep, got really sad on Sunday.. As usual. On Monday I went to work, Just an internship that after 2 months I realize won’t ever benefit me, a guy that’s been there half the time has already surpassed me by far. I’m above average intelligence, I’m strong, but socially.. I’m just the worst. And that matters the most, you can be stupid and weak but manage quite well in life if you have good social skills. Lately I’ve been seeing how others progress with their lives more clear than ever. I only have one local friend now, […]