Whale then. Judging by the title you’ve guessed I’m a minor and have probably left thinking I have first world problems. Well, if your still here please here me out. before my parents met each other they were in a cult. This is were they got married and had 4 kids. I was the first one and the only girl. The cult said that your kids are full of the devil, ( I was beat often with a belt) all women are whores and the “pastor” was a homophobe. I learned about thongs at 6 in that “church”. They left when I was 8-9. Too […]
Tag:
fast
Time flies. Remember this because it’s the truth. 6 years has gone so fast. 6 years of nothing but pain and Misery. I know that nothing will ever change. I am the very monster I wanted to destroy and now, I can with simple choice: Death
So I figure this question has been asked alot. But what would y’all do on ur last day on earth.?
I’ve thought about this alot, & what I come up with are things that im sure will remind me of how great the world can be. And then I will convince myself to not do it. Get in a slump some time in the future and want to cease to breath again. And once again play this whole freakin cycle over again. So I wonder if having a form of a bucket list is a good thing, or should one stay in the current […]
Man oh man I surely miss those times before I was born, felling nothing, no hunger, no thirst, no emotions and times flew bye so fast don’t you think guys ?
So yeah I really want to go back to those good days, I don’t want a paradise or hell, I don’t want to be conscious, maybe because I fear to see my family from the otherworld.
But jeez it is so tempting, the good old days, jokes on me if we live again the same life.
so yeah, loosing it soon as time goes bye and as the gun locker laughs at me.
If anyone wants to know […]
Heh, I can’t even write anymore. One thought seems to take a minute now. My thoughts and actions are as fast as a 100-year-old when I’m only a quarter that age…
Oh well, never understood the point of living, to be honest. All these feelings and sensations are just symbols of vanity to my apathetic mind. Besides, I don’t really give a damn if the next president is a woman or Neo-Hitler. Although, it will be much easier to get rid of this Hitler compared to the first one. Humanity will destroy itself regardless of method. That is their fate. Unless humanity can develop something to […]
“I fell in love with the smile she hid behind her hands, the one that flashed up and waved with brilliant colors when caught by surprise. It was the purest point of joy–the laugh that bubbled up and the creases at the corners of her eyes–her hair and hands rushing to her face to contain it all. But she was never fast enough, her happiness too much to be quelled so easily, and just enough would slip through to soothe the deep ache my yearning had burned into my heart.”
i thought about someone who isn’t here anymore. i felt i should write how she was and put it […]
Had such a terrible day today. I’m really upset right now. So what do I do, proceed to get trashed. I don’t want to feel anything right now. The day started out just fine and my mood was pretty level as well. Work then kicks my ass and I have to remain calm and collected at work considering I care for people and all. I get on a group I don’t know but that’s really no big deal or so I think. A few hours in anxiety kicks in. My routine is off, I feel as if I have no clue what I’m doing. Then […]
I have an English class at 8AM 3 days out of the school week. For the last 10 or so minutes I’ve been sitting outside the door trying to decide if I should go in or not. I actually like writing, and I was especially looking forward to working on the last essay, which is essentially a reflection piece with yourself as the main source. The professor’s a really great guy, too. He’s really understanding and wants all of his students to do the best that we can. But I’ve only completed one out of the four essays that we’re supposed to be doing, and […]
I got all my hair off yesterday, so now it’s a pixie cut. I’d planned to wait until summer, but I just went to get it done without a second thought. I don’t really know why I did it. I suppose part of it was so the Others don’t recognise me – I’m dyeing it tomorrow, too. The other part is just because through all my racing thoughts, this one stuck.
I did that stupid scale thing with my psychiatrist today. 1-10 for mood, and over the last four days it’s been an 8 or 9, and for my energy it’s 10. I didn’t bother bringing […]
Hi guys, hope you doing fine.
Well to attack the topic, I met a certain girl in college in september. I was eating in the cafeteria as I watched the students picking up their meals with their backs turned. But I noticed a particular back, a girl’s back, I was sure I knew this person from my high school because it had much in common with another girl I knew. But as she turned around I couldn’t look away, I was like an Y-wing with a target lock on a star destroyer. I looked at her and made a hand signal to come to me, first […]
Living life in the fast watching myself from a distance
can’t tell the difference between what’s reality and my fantasy
Drifting floating sinking drowning
I don’t understand but it’s hard to breathe were im standing
a few cuts can turn a dark world colourful pain release trying to kill the thing inside
I don’t knew the difference between myself and my demons
disconnected from life plug me in like the matrix
red or blue pill il have em both swollow hoping Il choke
Man in the mirror who am I I’m watching my self from a distance have we ever been connected two different people in one body
I am the warrior
I buckel up my saddle and I go into battel. I sharpen my sword to make a joke of the horde. I never got orders so I go to general quarters “heads or tails” I ask. stand fast or advance?
My opponents are ghosts; I swing my sword and the ambush is a hoex… They are my own folks
Despite already having a post typed out for today, I’ve decided to change it and write this instead. Because I just realised several minutes ago just how little my mum cares.
I’ve been an emotional mess all day for no apparent reason, so I refused to step foot outside my room until 3 in the afternoon. Before that, no one bothered to come into my room to check on me. But we’re ignoring all that as I’m fast forwarding to not too long ago.
Recently, there has been a girl coming in my room at night. Her name is Bree, and she’s around my age. Every night […]
I can’t escape these thoughts. Maybe it would be different if they told me from the beginning, “you know, there’s a very good chance that this is something you’re going to have to adapt to, because it might go away but you’re probably going to feel these things at some level until the day you die.” But I feel like I’ve passed the point where I could have adapted or changed my thinking patterns. It’s like an obsession, thinking of suicide.
Everyday, I see the train and watch the light approach the platform. I feel the train push the wind into me before it trembles past, […]
I’m scared of myself so I feel like I wouldn’t actually end it for myself, but if I was in the situation where a car was coming towards me at a fast pace I wouldn’t move, or any kind of situation like that. I don’t know really but that’s how I’ve felt for quite a while.
The walls are closing in fast now. I don’t think I have a choice, I have to go.
I’m waiting until morning to blow a gasket. Because once everyone leaves, hes going right to bed and will get pissed off at me for talking about it. I’m so frustrated. I’m not ok tonight. So much anger, so many thoughts. It’s going to eat me alive, and fast.
My birthday is coming up, and it’s coming up fast. I’m so scared for it to become another sufferable day for me. Im doing my senior project on that day and let me tell you… It’s hellish days full of utter loneliness. I’m not even exaggerating it. Nobody talks to me, my old friends mooch all over my sister and never intend on talking to me. They will look at me and not even acknowledge my very existence. It rips my heart in two.. I would not go to it.. If my parents weren’t so strict about it.. I got all my hours everything done! […]
Married now. Happened very fast. Very scary now. Happened 7/21/2015. He said he would take care of me. I think that’s what pushed me over the ledge.
I love him and care about him but am understandably experiencing cognitive dissonance. There’s a lot more going on with him than I thought.
I’m still not over my dad’s death from several months ago. It still hits me like a ton of bricks, out of the blue. I still miss my kids like crazy and have still been experiencing roadblock after roadblock trying to stay in their lives. But my mom loves me again now that I’m married. Weird, […]
First time here, woke up this moring and the first thing I thought about was suicide
by dying.inside
written by dying.inside
Hi to anyone who reads this. I won’t say a lot. But yesterday I lost everything, my bf broke up with me yesterday. This might sound stupid to some but it’s the truth. I was so attached to this boy we got into a stuipd fight yesterday and it escallated very fast. He started calling me a slut which I ain’t. I’m not the type to argue so I didn’t care what he called but it fucking hurt cause I thought he different he seemed so sweet but he just put on a front. Then yesterday he blasted me on fb saying I’m a slut […]
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