i’m so sick and tired of existing. sometimes i don’t feel fear, i am terrified of the pain that will come with killing myself because there is no easy way out, but sometimes i feel no fear, i feel desperation and unbearable pain. i just want it to be over and i NEED the courage to just fucking do it. i’m miserable and tired. the worst part to all of this is that there is no reason behind any of the pain that i feel or for that matter the pain anybody feels. theres no reason. no meaning. nothing. as they say, shit just happens. […]
In darkness of the night
I spied him in a tree
Sat I froze by the sight
He was looking at me
The summer’s heat became a chill
The angel of death at his kill
My heart skipped with the fright
Blinked my eyes to bet’r see
Glanced back with all my might
Parted he my comp’ny
My chest was quickly pounding still
The angel of death at his kill
I did rise and take flight
The fear made me to flee
From darkness into light
To free captivity
Unbinding my soul from his will
The angel of death at his kill
Many years since that night
Gazed […]
I found this list posted as “What happy people do” … blah blah. I will link to the article below – but although i disagree with the general premise that suggests that if you follow these points you will suddenly “be happy” (Yeah, i scoffed with a sarcastic chucklesnort too) … but they ARE valid point that when most are adopted and incorporated into our every day life and decision making, they CAN make life less abrasive and irritable. A lot of these involve making conscious choices that can evolve into unconscious and automatic responses to situations that would normally inflame an already difficult day […]
At the risk of identifying myself to anyone who knows me..
I had a woman come up to me a couple weeks ago and casually,comfortably,awkwardly tell me that she had followed me off a city bus a couple years ago in a snowstorm after exchanging smiles. To clarify, she was beautiful in the way that i like. The whole experience was so wholly unexpected…. that I honestly questioned whether or not i had imagined it
Kind of sobering.. I found it easier to believe that i had suddenly become delusional enough to imagine this.. than it actually happening.
So she asked me if i remembered her… If i […]
before , I would always say that I was bored doing something from time to time .looking back from now I realize that I diddnt know a thing about being bored.now in my current life I am always bored…its kind of difficut to explain. I am emotionally numb except for those weird moments where I feel sadness.sometimes I feel so sad that I want to cry but I cant. I cant cry, most of my laughter is false and other emotions just arent there.without my emotions ,I am just a soulless body and that is why my current life is so damn […]
My daughter’s father before he committed suicide.I was three months pregnant. This was while we were still happy.
This is Annabelle, our daughter. She was born 3 months after her father committed suicide. She […]
I am a failure in all ways that matter to me i cant stay away from drugs and they no longer even numb my pain the one i love with all my heart is to afraid what it would mean to love me to be gay even tho he has said if he was he would marry me and has considered it…..he claims he cares and that i am a good man but he was raised to hate gays even tho he does not hate me??? yet his ex he hates and is always fighting with but uses for a booty call will spend a […]
I’ve been depressed for the past three years. It’s changed me on the inside, and you could almost say that I’ve developed, maybe grown for three years. But it’s odd, and I feel like as if most of my depression is from myself. This post is basically a boring recollection on how my depression has progressed, but hey I feel like posting here. I appreciated this website the moment I set eyes on it. I just don’t know how to sort myself out, and there are a lot of things that are difficult to express with words. I’m starting to get anxiety attacks because of […]
(Sorry in advanced if things are disjointed posting on my cell)
I found this site nearly two years ago thought maybe I should make an account. Each time I would be bogged down with fear that maybe I shouldn’t what would people think? After all I already get looks because I have to see a doctor on and off or the medication that has caused issues in the past.
Today I gave in the fear is still there however something I said last week gave me pause. “Maybe the reason I haven’t tried in a while isn’t because I suddenly want to live. Maybe it is because […]
I am so hollow inside. I always thought that I am doing something important, something that will make me perfect. but now i am realizing that that was all bullshit, hypocrisy, painting the circumference while inside was all empty. I don’t know when did i became such a hypocrite. maybe i always was. i always wanted to do something big, achieve something great. back then, when it all started, one of my fears was to have a difference between thought and action. and it seems that fear has now come true. and with what magnitude! I tried to be spiritual, i tried to be philosophical, […]
The title sums this up very well “Fucked UP” that is how I see my self and how my family and others view me a lot of the time, but we will get to that later. So im new to the site and just out of luck today before I made my final choice I decided to post a small post on here. For both advice and to see what others think. Im a 17 year old male who is: failing school (for two main reasons: one im lazy and two I view myself as stupid or dumb) I also have no job, no car, […]
Shift yourself from this grave..side to side ..consider yourself for the first time in a millennia. Look up to the sky..consider you’ll live again.
Drifting up from your sleep..in a haze to what the world has become. Shake a breath for the wind..show no fear for the light…and slowly breath in.. Exhale!
Search for strength, beneath your bleeding heart. Behind the crimson lines you’ve drawn tighter still. Reset trap door thoughts of letting the world collide with the emptiness inside. Hold on..dare to hold on..hold on tight to life even when the lines break from their binds.
Hold onto your hope so tight. Dampen the screams […]
So here’s the thing.
Oct 3rd is when I get married and its coming up pretty fast. I know this should be a grandest time in my life but the truth is, I am just not that happy about it.
The man I am marrying is the greatest, generous person in the world. He really is just that wonderful.
But I cheated on him. :\
I am not going to make excuses for what I have done because I was fully aware of what I was doing and wanted to do.
I can honestly say I have never been a cheater. Even with all the shitty ass boyfriends I went […]
DON’T YOU DARE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJxgrSCZJ1s
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother, father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will […]
I fear that I might be alone on this one. I’m losing the one I love, and my hands are tied. Our love seems to be drifting further and further away as each day passes. She says she loves me, but her actions speak otherwise. She can’t get a job, not because places aren’t hiring, but for the simple reason that she has stopped looking. I cannot support both of us, and due to the economy, most couples have to work together in this area if they are to survive, let alone thrive. She is not independent, nor does she make any effort to become […]
This is my second post. today hadn’t been that good. I’ve been floating in and out of sadness and depression. I’ve begun considering going to see a psychiatrist for my problems; hopefully they’ll be able to answer some of my questions because… I don’t understand this…
Each night I go to sleep, hoping I won’t wake up. During the night I wake and watch the shadows drift around me and beg God to never let it end, to just let those shadows stay forever and take me away into the darkness. Then when the sun rises I’m still breathing and I curse my own being. Getting […]
This is the first time I’ve ever publically posted/said that I am in as much pain as I am. I’ve hidden it for years, even when I was a young teen. When I was little I thought everybody had bad days like mine: times when the world looked grey, when even speaking was difficult, when my soul felt sucked from me. I’m too afraid to truly come out and tell anyone around me how I really feel. They’ll all just say “Just put on a smile and look on the bright side” or “It’ll be okay, just buck up”. Can’t anyone see that I can’t […]
Well, I don’t know how to exactly go about this. I’ve never told exactly what happened to me to a lot of people….but I guess I can start now. This may be long to some people and for that, I am sorry. If you don’t want a sad story about a dying girl, I would move on. Well….here we go.
I was raised in a small town in the midwest. I’ve gone to the same schools my whole life. My life was good. Everyone’s is for awhile. Then, something changed. 6th grade changed everything.
I had always been bullied. By a girl here and there, a boy […]
I love my wife and Kids, but I am as low as I have ever been. Â I lost my job, and this forces us to move to a new town. Â My wife resigned her job, my kids 7 and 5 will enter new schools and we will be on my salary alone. Â The pressure is killing me. Â I have never been so close to ending it all. Â I have a new job, I have a good new job, it’s hard for me to see it. Â I’ve been so low for so long. Â My kids bring me joy, that’s why i don’t end it all.
I feel […]
Very often, in fact, my normal state, I wake up feeling afraid of what I am going to have to do next. The way in which I am going to expose my self to threats and porbably meet pain & suffering. This makes me feel that I want to suicide quickly, I feel hopless, that I am better off not alive anymore.
I have to do this things that make me feel in danger.