The last few years of my life I havent really been able to feel any form of emotion to anything. All I feel is just a numbing kind of sense. I have a loving family, a great group of friends and an amazing girlfriend that I know loves me… But I just can’t seem to feel anything back… Its almost like I’m just watching my life go by with somebody else in control… I want to be able to be loving back to them all but the only thing I ever have on my mind now is death, like I’m just waiting for something to […]
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feel
When my mother died I was eight years old. When this happened my father turned to drugs and proceeded to neglect and somewhat abuse me and my brother (non-sexually). Every since then I have looked for some affection from any man, just to have them be kind to me or even love me. I was later molested by two men I was manipulated and broken.
Everyone says I’m beautiful, but I’m always ridiculed by guys for many reasons. And whenever I proceed to tell a guy I like him, he acts like i’m the most disgusting thing in the world.
But then I finally found […]
I’ve been battling depression for 1 year 3 months and 12 days now. Ridiculous as it sounds I lost my virginity, and it… broke me. To you guys who have casual sex with your girl/boy friend, I carry no judgment on you guys. But my purity was everything to me. And I have destroyed it with 93 hook ups in the past year.
Losing my virginity made me feel hopeless, and I got depressed and suicidal on 3 accounts. I’m happy to say I have been free of depression for a little over 3 months now (woo-woo!). I’m proud of myself for making it this long, but… […]
I’ve stopped cutting for about 4-5 months, but I yearn to do it again. I want to feel the blade pushed into my skin. I have extremely bad problems with talking to my family. I can’t do that. I see a therapist only once every other week. I thought that I was getting better, that I was finally recovering but, I’m not ok. I’m not recovered. I need some help.
my ex came back into my life. She told me the biggest load of bullshit and that we need to stop talking, then 2 months later she texts me about how she cried cause she missed me. WHat the fuck. HOW’re you gonna lie to me, then tell then come back 2 months later. I tried so hard to bring back the relationship but she just ignored me. I brought her back of course, she’s like the only person i think ever cared about me, About my well being. Shes the only person on earth who knows im suicidal. She’s the main reason i wanna […]
does it make sense that i hate myself because im too skinny? Most people hate being too fat i hate being too skinny. I want to be strong, i want to be big. Someone girls find attractive. Not someone they laugh at cause my body type is like a 5th grader. I want to be someone’s first option. Not “oh i invited 20 other people youre the 21st. wanna come” i want to be a friends first option, a girls, my fucking mother. I cant even be a first option to my mother. It makes you feel useless. I dont do anything. I sit home […]
Sad that I have nowhere else to vent, because no one listens to me. Hell, I hardly get a response here.
Anyway, I told a little white lie to get out of work early yesterday and hang out with the dreamboat that will never be mine. But I guess I’m lucky I can get to take out a guy like that even if it’s not exactly a date and he’ll never see me that way. -sigh- But it has its perks. I get to be out with a gorgeous guy and he gets to “feel spoiled for once.” It’s nice that we can talk openly at […]
I hate business !
I hate money !
I hate capitalism / capitalist !
The main reason is because business kills creativity & ideas . money kills creativity & ideas . capitalism / capitalist kills creativity & ideas !
There are a LOT of good ideas , creativity , imaginations , inspirations , dreams , & even good deeds that business / money kills ! simply because of a petty, shallow reason “it doesn’t make a lot of money or profits ! ”
money makes the world unfair ! business makes the world unfair ! capitalism makes the world unfair !
plus , the world becomes a boring […]
I’m happy sometimes. I met this girl thousands of miles away and she makes me happy. But sometimes I just get really sad out of nowhere. I get down on myself and hate every part of my being. I think about suicide really often, I have been for three whole years now. I even went to therapy but I stopped going because it didn’t work or feel right. I feel fucking insane.
To all those who are suicidal and read this. Your situations vary, your reasoning for wanting to end it all are different. But, I’m not one for good advice, nor am I happy really. I’ve dealt with my share of suicidal thoughts as well. This is based on my experiences.
So you have no friends, no one likes you it seems. Why? Maybe, try to talk to people more if you don’t, it may be that they are like you, or are just apathetic and need a friend like you to talk to and hang out with. Maybe everyone truly doesn’t like you, which is unlikely, […]
Well ive finally built up the courage to end it, there zero chance things get better . its like i try to talk to about my problem and ppl including my own mom just toss aside how i feel my depression , everything like is nothing. I just feel alone, im playing to lose.if i feel angry or sad my own family looks at me like i have no right to feel that way . funny thing is me and my mom got in an arguement just now and she wished me death at least she thinks so too . well someones wish is going […]
…they had state run suicide facilities? Wouldn’t it be gnarly? A place you could go and just be, “put to sleep”, like an animal at the vet. How many people would go? How many would go during a brief period of irrationality, or some other kind of temporary causal factor? Many people feel suicidal at one point or another, most don’t act upon these feelings. But if it were that easy then maybe
For the first time in a long time I’ve thought about killing myself. It’s strange, because I don’t feel the same despair I used to feel, the anguish and hopelessness that came with my suicidal… “Fits”. But the thought is there, pushing at the back of my mind, drilling its way to the centre of my attention. Just a few hours and freedom is ours. I can’t believe it’s happening again…
I really don’t know what I expected from them. They don’t care about me and it’s not the fact that they don’t but the fact that I ever thought they did. I care so much about them and I just want someone to talk too that doesn’t make me feel as if just being around them is a burden..but I don’t have anyone at this point and I dont think I have ever been this lonely..
Even though I have to tools and I practice, I still feel this way. When will it stop?
I am starting to realize how down hill im going. I no longer feel the hope that i use to force myself to feel. Things use to seem beautiful to me, even when they went wrong. Now i feel as though i have no limits. No limits on substances or how much pain i will willing take on to myself. I dont have boundaries anymore. i dont have any typical eating disorder but i had so much built up anxiety i was going days without eating, i was weak and sad but physically didnt want food. I have the same thoughts of the same things […]
That worthless feeling the knowing that its true. I can’t help but to feel so dumb for holding on to hope I should have went through with it. I should have known that it was too good to be true. Now I’m past depressed and I’m filled with so much hate I cant fucking deal with myself.. They say live life with no regrets but it still living life that I regret ????
Place your hand over your heart?
Feel that ?
That’s called PURPOSE
.Your alive for a reason
Don’t ever forget that. ?
It’s been a long time since my last post here. I like to think of that as positive improvement, yet for some reason, during my breakdown today, coming here was the only thing that made the tears stop flowing.
I’ve been feeling a great deal of pressure lately. My sister has been struggling with anxiety and depression for a while now. The past 2 years to my knowledge. This year it got really bad. She stopped going to choral practice and missed a lot of her senior year. She simply stopped doing anything that used to matter to her. So I convinced my parents to send […]