cried this morning for the first time in almost a year. felt nice and weird. i hope i’ll get to cry sooner than that next time..
Tag:
first time
for the first time last night I tried to commit suicide. I was drunk and on valium, my lover who had just finished fucking me left to go home to his girlfriend. A month ago I had a boyfriend and on a saturday night would I too would have someones arms to sleep in. I was angry and felt used, nostalgia overwhelmed me so I downed 10 pain pills and the remainder of my alcohol before throwing the bottle at the wall. I picked up a glass shard and ran it down my arm. I ran outside my apartment and hysterically cried whilst I smoked […]
For the first time in a while, I was smiling. It wasn’t fake. I was okay. I had found some form of peace. Then I made one crucial mistake. I went to see my father. Of course. I couldn’t just leave well enough alone, could I? Now I’m right back where I started. Like all of the progress I’ve worked so hard to make has shattered in front of me. It was only a matter of time, but damn.. So soon?
Fuck it.
I saw my best friend today for the first time in about a few months and seeing her was the best and being able to hug her again was the most amazing feeling but i promised her i would never leave until i at least saw her once then i would most likely leave. Now i’m having second thoughts but i really want to leave. I have no clue what to do….
So, my name is Megan, and this is my first post here.
I’m sixteen and have been self harming on and off for the past three years, and I tried to kill myself three years ago. My best friend and my sister’s friend are the only people that know about my suicide attempt.
When I was thirteen, I self harmed for the first time. I remember it quite distinctly, because it was the start of a long, dark road. It was barely a scratch the first time. I used a pair of compasses that I found in my school bag, and I cried immediately after […]
I have one more piece of paperwork to get done, my Medical and Financial Power of Attorney. The Will and Advance Directive are all done. The three documents need to be witnessed and notarized.
I’ve stopped taking my heart meds. My sleep pattern has become so erratic that I wake up and have no idea what time it is. I may have slept for only a few minutes or up to 15 hours. I cry constantly. If things continue this downward spiral, I will go to the Bridge. I feel like I am going mad.
I called a hotline for the first time tonight. I told the […]
Recently my girlfriend of around 3 years just broke up with me. You can say our relationship was an odd one being that it was an online relationship. I even went and visited her for the first time recently. Time I spent with her was the greatest moments in my life. I am completely in love with her and she even said she loved me. Entire time I was with her felt like a dream. But she broke up with me after all of that. I feel lost, I simply given up caring about my own life. I have stopped taking my medication, often starving […]
On the 4th of July I relapsed. I’ve been struggling with self-harming for almost 6 years and drugs for almost 3. My mom’s been having problems with her boyfriend of 5 years and has been trying to get him out of our lives since he does drugs and only thinks about himself, so on the 4th that was the first time we’ve seen him in a month? So he was trying to act like everything was ok, but he drank a 6 pack and started acting stupid like always, so we went to go drop him off. They argued the whole way… was feeling really […]
For the first time in a long time I’ve thought about killing myself. It’s strange, because I don’t feel the same despair I used to feel, the anguish and hopelessness that came with my suicidal… “Fits”. But the thought is there, pushing at the back of my mind, drilling its way to the centre of my attention. Just a few hours and freedom is ours. I can’t believe it’s happening again…
This post is about a girl..
For the first time since my fiancé left, I’ve found myself between a rock and a hard place. I’ve been fortunate enough to date a couple girls since then, but they weren’t meant to be with me for various reasons.
I’ve spent too much time making friends in a bar atmosphere. I’ve questioned my own confidence and let go of a lot of insecurities. I’ve learned what I should say and not say, what is relevant and what is and is not who I am.
I still need to fix myself and get my shit together.. but […]
It’s Sunday and I am desperately in need of some hope…. I feel that I am coming dangerously closer and closer to the edge. I recently have been ruled physically disabled and unable to work due to an stomach illness that causes me to regurgitate most to all my meals. I have been diagnosed with this illness for the last four years. Doctors have no way of effectively treating my illness, so the possibility of improvement is bleak at best. At 18 I was declared mentally disabled due to several mental health diagnosis. After being on disability for 6 years and refusing to go to treatment […]
We all gotta do something to raise our own confidence because the lack there of is purely our minds own doing. Some distract themselves, some eat, some play dress up and some crave attention.. well that last one is me. My confidence is in constant flux..always in tune one minute and gone the next minute. Sometimes I really give no shit that I do things purposely to gain attention. One thing my confidence never shatters is certainty in my physical appearance. I feel that I am half gone in my sanity but still a decent looking dude. So I’ve decided to sit pool side for […]
6-6-15 12:21 am I changed! I changed everything. I walked out on 20 years. I walked away from what wasn’t healthy for me. I started over. It’s not easy. I have $7 fucking dollars in my account until payday. This is HARD. I am working it out. I am learning who I am. I am trying to be myself for the first time in 20 years. I want to grow. I am open to new things. New flavors. New cities. I will not close off any experience for fear or sameness any more. I will try.
But I want us. It’s really all I’ve ever […]
This is my first time posting on here, but I really feel alone right now. Even when I’m with my family I still feel lonely. All my friends left me when they found out I have depression. I’ve been suffering from it for 5 years now and about a month ago I tried to commit suicide. all I can think about is commiting suicide again except this time I will make sure I succeed. Ive been working on a plan since I got out of the hospital. I can’t keep going on like this I need my suffering to end. Ive been cutting for A […]
so much shit has been going on this the first time in a while that I had a chance to breathe and just let the tears flow because after this little moment its back to reality ik I need to leave this place my therapist said it was not a safe place and I never knew what she meant but now i know.. That place is eating me alive there’s no love or comfort I need to get away in trying to come up with the money to buy a bus ticket and get the fuck away from here I just need to survive until […]
My uncle died back in February. He had a seizure that ultimately took his life. He sat on life support for almost 2weeks before they pulled the plug. When I saw him the first time, I knew there was no chance.
I stood in the hospital room and watched him fight for his life thinking this should be me. I wish I could switch spots. What he do to get what I had been asking for. He wanted to live. I didn’t. He had kids, a wife, and ppl who cared. I don’t. So why did he go instead of me? I know that probably […]
I kissed my dream girl for the first time ever yesterday best moment of my life I showed her I loved her even if she lies and destroys me this heart is hers now her ex showed up and I’m just like all the other guys just a matter of time where I will end I’ll be thrown out I’m sorry to all those I loved but hurt in the end I want you to know it wasn’t any of your faults
I’m so devastated. Every day is just sadness. I live in constant terrible regret. Because I was a coward and couldn’t kill myself the guranteed ways, i live in constant physical pain. I can’t walk and run, my right leg is paralysed and left is nerve damaged. I used to love running. Even though I have always hated myself and suffered from depression, i trained and had a body to be envied. Now, its like ive woken up inside a nightmare, life doesn’t even feel real. Im just so sad. And it’s all my fault. No one else, just me. Suffering. Seeing doctors, specialists but […]
Well I tried cutting for the first time today……
I thought that maybe since it helps a lot of people with their problems one way or another it might help me.
Well, it didn’t.
I was so freaked out.
At first it looked like the blade didn’t do anything but then my skin started opening and you could see this white layer right under my skin and blood wouldn’t stop coming out.
I know, it’s kinda gross.
I’m sorry if I just made you feel sick but I had to tell someone.
I keep bouncing back and forth on what to think of you. I want to see you for the person you really are. How you avoided me and just walked away when you saw me, how you didn’t come in to pick me up from the police station, how when I pushed you away physically when we were having sex and obviously was uncomfortable, but you kept going, and finally rolled over annoyed, sleeping at opposite ends of the bed, how you probably had sex with other girls while you were doing “business” and crawled back into my bed every single night. The thought of […]