Here I am. I’m told I’m great. Good looking. Smart. Kind. Talented. I do many things. Have loving parents. Have loving friends. Have people who care. Even with all of these things, I’m stuck. It’s like an endless circle. I’m sad and angry, then numb. I feel numb so much of the time…I…I’m not even sure what I feel anymore. I mistook my content with my gay friend’s compliments to me, as a love for him. I’m a straight male. I know this because I’ve tried to have relationships with other guys. It was never right…it never felt right. I never kissed a guy, because […]
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Freak
Hey my names Jasiel and I’m 12 years old. This is going to take me a lot of guts because I haven’t told anyone about my problem…it all started when I was 9, I was a happy little girl just walking by her self like always, the day was pretty and perfect. Until…all of a sudden everything changed to black. I wasn’t scared because I was used to the dark. But then something got my intention, it was just laying there hopelessly without any movement. It looked familiar and so I walked towards it, I turn it around so I […]
I don’t want help. I don’t want to live. I hate myself. I hate everybody. Why can’t I be loved? Why doesn’t anybody care? When will they listen? Why am I still here? I don’t deserve it. When will it get better?
When will it get better?
Somebody created this website. Not to encourage us to do this. About a week after discovering this site, I figured it out, and now I think it’s time to share. The only person who can help us, is ourself. But in order to do that, you have to have the people helping you realize the good things in life. Don’t […]
the Queer
Sitting in school, watching. She is so perfect, as if you have finally seen someone you can really relate to. Trying to imagine getting up the courage to walk over and talk to her. Trying to find the guts to ask her out, the dance maybe….
And then it all crashes down.
Your brief fantasy of ever having a “normal” love life.
Sure, you crush on her from afar, but you are a girl too.
And that means being different, a freak, a sinner, a loner.
No matter where you go, your gayness will follow you, keeping you separate from everyone else. You feel […]
yes im gay or as you like to say fag.. queer… fuity… lesbo… sick…. twisted… freak…… it’s who I am! im sick of everyone tellking jokes bashing me behind my back! im sick off crying and hiding from you sick people! you have ruind my life I havent gone a week without crying and cutting because of the things you say. Iv even swiched schools to get away from it all but it still all follows me. I’m reddy to end it all i’m running out of options…. I’m just going to end it i have nothing to live for anymore the only person i […]
I don’t know how, but I stopped feeling. At the time it seemed better than always being depressed and suicidal, just numb myself, make the pain go away. But it’s torture not feeling anything, I see people happy, i see people love, i see people depressed, and i want to hate them, but now i can’t even care. I lie in bed and i cant cry, just stare at the ceiling. I would kill myself, but whats the point? To go from nothing to nothingness. Everybody just sees the mask i put on so i dont freak anybody out but i dont even know why […]
she was like a mom to me, a figure i never had before,i loved her when she was gone, and i hated her when she was around, she was either in an over protective mood were she drove me crazy, or in a cool person mood, were you could tell her anything and not be scared,i was never use to someone being so protective over me, i was always use to being kicked out of the house and left to sleep out side under a pine tree,where noone wondered or cared if i was even alive,but with her,if i came in the door a minute […]
(SORRY THIS IS GUNNA BE REALLY UNorganized, I just keep editing it, and adding info..Hi I’m a physically healthy (not so much mentally) 18 y/o girl, with many issues including: Severe anxiety (social), I have been depressed before, suicidal, I’ve been recently diagnosed with ADD. I think I might have avoidant personality disorder, mild ocd? mild sexual abuse and I think I had selective mutism as a child up until gr.11 when I dropped out of highschool, because I cracked . and alienated/avoided virtually all my friends(due to depression, humiliation and I didn’t want to have anything to do with my school.) I spend most […]
hello internet
i just wanna write something what i think of stuff, hope you can underestand what i mean because english is not my first language. I found this page by searching google for information about hanging. Sitting in my room alone ( im not going to kill myself) just thinking about that if someone wants to kill themselves they should be allowed to. If youre over 18 and havnt got any mental health problems which would affect your ability to make decisions. its your decision and alot of people are lying that they care and just talking stuff like they know but they just saying […]
Well I’ve been struggling with depression and suicide for a long time now as well as my own anger and hate of the people that bullied me my entire life in the name of their God. I have been at peace with death for a long time now and feel that it would be best and easier if I can just die peacefully. I’m waiting till I get back to my college dorm room for a couple days so I can get everything together for my family and few friends. I feel as if my emotional pain and mental illness are unbearable no matter what […]
I keep telling my guy that it’s getting harder & harder to not end my pain. I am flustered and short tempered with him bc I want him to help me, I want someone to see that I do not attempt I have been talking about it for a long time, that when I try I will in fact die. I have these reels of rapes and hurt, abandonment, success then failure that just play in my head and I cannot get them to stop. I did a program for PTSD and I use to be some hot shot CEO, but it’s like… I still […]
At one point I’ll put up a pic of myself so you all can see me. But basically I’m a half n half puertorican African American suicidally depressed self injuring 6″ tall 150 lb Afro-headed atheistic16 y.o. guy. There isn’t a thing about me people accept. Black people get stereotyped in my community, and the only Hispanics any of my neighbors know are the ones who cut their lawns. Next there’s the depression. People treat it like it’s a contagious disease. Like I’m some sort of freak for being suicidal or depressed. Then there’s the SI. Cutting n burning already are mass-comedicized. I get […]
i wanna become an actor/ err maybe an astronaut/ psychologist….eventually when i get better
I have ADD, severe social anxiety issues, i’m scared of people I’m a high school dipout due to loosing friends/paranoia (i have one close friend)from depression due to selective mutism, Im paranoid, some OCD, I’ve had a past some mild sexual abuse…I’m a loner, use to be suicidal, use to think of it everyday but now im better.(i’ve attempted it),I might have avdp, and maybe social ptsd I can be really sensitive but I always bounce back. I’m a mad genius, usually a step or two ahead. I am kind of random, […]
im in 8th grade. i went to a public school but at the moment im @ a learning center. how was i supposed to go to school when, whenever i turn the corner im being beat up, threatened with knifes, pushed to the ground and called fat, ugly, whore, ****, freak, creep, big boobed peice of s***, lousy turd, stupid, dumb. its so hard to handle. the only thing i could do was run into the bathroom sit against the wall and cut. i made that mistake in 2nd grade. a girl told me i looked like a dirty cow!!! so i asked the teacher […]
I feel so screwed up, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve had a cutting problem for years now, I can’t get a hold of it. I recently started dating someone and I still can’t stop. It just upsets him, I get patronized for it. Whenever I’m in a situation where I have no one to talk to and I have overwhelming emotions, it’s always what I turn to. I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel like I can’t take it anymore. I feel like a burden talking about my feelings, they must sound so trivial and whiny. If I keep it […]
Im so tired of this shit. completely exhausted. its a fucking saturday night and everyones ditched me.only because i cant drink or smoke pot. you know what, this worlds better off with out me, not like anyone would show up to my funeral. i lost the one person who actually cared and hes not coming back so whats the fucking point anymore. i feel like a useless pawn that should have died years ago. please god if you exsist, just make this shit go away…..for the love of your one and only son please. cant take it anymore im tired of being alone tired of […]
People stare at me like im weird..a freak..an outcast..when they see my scars. You dont think about the scars when you cut do you? You just want to see the blood pour down your arm and drip onto the floor. It distracts you from the real pain..whatever your pain may be. They watch you from behind friends as you pick up a knife to cut your steak…whisper when you paint your nails and toenails black..laugh when you wear long sleeves in the summertime..in florida..just to cover up these scars..that forever remind you of what you lost..but i..i wouldnt trade mine for the world..I’d trade only […]
Today was actually ok, my dad didnt yell that much my mom was nice and everything went pretty smoothly…only probelm is tommorows monday amd get to see all the bitchy cheerlearders and other annoying assholes…i wish my friends understood, whemever i start to tell them they get this wierd arkward lookso i always end up making it into a joke and pretend it was nothing. Im tired if trying to conform into to someome im not..i dont even know who i anymore. From basicaly kindergarden i was the “wierd kid” the one who was always too mature, my mom used to call me an […]
they say im in “la-la land.” i like it here, nobody’s mean to me. am i the happy girl everyone thinks i am? or is that just a shell that covers whats really there. do they think i dont care about not having friends? they could never be more wrong. if anyone knew i was really a depressed, suicidal, freak, than the rejection would be so much worse. i would love to kill myself and see if anyone noticed. even if they did, they wouldnt care. nobody cares. my whole life feels numb. i never really thought of myself as a cutter. i guess i […]
Hi,
I don’t come on here much-some of the replies I get actually make me feel worse. But its the only anonymous place I can express my feelings without fear of being locked up or talked down to(well,as I said earlier,some on here continue to,but its easier to ignore a post than a person LOL!!)
Anyway,I’ve almost made it to my trip to Australia,so yay me!! for hanging on. I am going solo, and plan to have an awesome time. After that,I’m going to give myself the ultimate reward.
I have absolutely nothing to come back to,and my life is going to be a thousand times bleaker upon […]