I am trying to keep it together and not express anything that would show how angry and sad I am all the time. I feel like I have terrible thoughts and urges but Im trying to keep it all inside because I dont want to hurt anyone. Today during dinner my roomates were having a conversation and I was thinking I wish I could participate better. I wish I could have a proper conversation and be engaged like normal people are. Instead I was just playing with my napkin. I eventually started ripping and tearing it. They pointed out, you know psychopaths do that, then […]
Tag:
Friends
And my thoughts spiral, how funny it is that the empath is the one that needs help themselves.
It’s been a while since she died. She was my world and I was hers. The main thing I remember was the sunshine always shone from and through her, she was always the nicest and most giving, generous person.
Should I have wondered why?
Apparently she was planning her death since before she met me. I never saw any of it, all I saw was her mask and it never slipped. I think I gave her hope, until one night, after her parents had physically abused her.
I received a phone […]
This is just going to be a bunch of nonsensical rambling, but I’m just so tired of people. I’m drained, too, thus no proofreading to see if I even made sense.
Sorry for the waste of time.
Two of my friends have been inseparable since I introduced them. They became best friends. One is a lesbian, one is an inactive bisexual (she likes women, but has a child and wants a man to replace his shithead father, thus being inactive in the lady-looking-for-lady party.) I’m going to refer to them as lesbian and bisexual, hope I don’t offend anyone.
I guess i could either give it a fancy title or just get to the point. Depression. Anxiety. Abuse.
I have actually not came out about it (abuse) and please do not think i am doing this so you feel sorry for me or anything! Yes at the age of 5 i was abused a lot till the age of 11. It wasn’t just by one person though. Since then i’ve always been scared and try my best to reduce attracting attention. i always blamed myself.
Last year, December, i realised i had depression and was diagnosed of it. Went to several people but none helped. Just […]
It’s the second time I write here today. I really thought things would take a turn for the better but It wasn’t the case. It makes some pretty good time since I got this bad. I just wanna cry but I simply can’t, maybe it’s because I don’the have the option to fail this time. Like my life would crumble if I did that, there was also one other thing that bothers me. My family have seen the pages I’ve been accessing and then they found out about suicideproject.org. No need to say they are very worried about me but even so they […]
I’ve been a very sensitive person, who loved other people very much.
I was always ready to help them, to support them by listening them.
I realized that people uses me like a diposable tissue, throwing me away when I stop to be useful to them.
I realized that I can open my heart to other people, but they never open their heart to me.
I realized that I can help other people, but when I am the one who needs help, nobody is there, neither the person I’ve helped, neither the other person.
I stopped helping, listening, or socializing, it hurts too much.
I realized I’ve never met a good […]
Depression stole my Education.
It stole my all of my Friends.
My Motivations.
My Dreams.
My Future.
My Life.
Me.
I consider myself to be an Empath. You might be one too. It’s been extremely difficult to live and function in a society where people don’t really have empathy so it’s hard for them to really feel what somebody else is going through. And that’s why so many people are ruthless and cutthroat, you know. Being and Empath is like having a finely tuned ‘Bullshit’ Lie-Detector. It’s really strange to have the ability to really feel what other people are feeling because I don’t know how to handle and cope with it. Now, staying away from strangers is easy enough; I just don’t go outside […]
Hey.
I know that everyone is here for a reason and whatever cliche shit we’ve been listening to forever.
Right now, my life has no purpose. I don’t even know why I opened this site. But whatever. It has always been hard for me to find people to talk to. My parents are kinda supportive, but if you know anything about being Indian it is that your parents exercise complete and absolute control on your life. My parents don’t let me outside the house, except for school. Not even tutions, parties, nothing. Indians are conservative and rather, well, religious. But on days like these I find myself […]
Sometimes I wonder if there really is an alternate universe, or another life, or a life in a life. And whatever might happen when you’re dead and your feet are no longer touching the ground.
What do you feel after you die? What do you see? Is everything pitch black, you with no thoughts whatsoever, you literally just gone? Are you really going to be up there, with a God who just so promised to have plans for you? Plans for your life? Or is there another life, where, once you’re dead, you live again. Live another life. Reborn. Forget your past life and just move forward. Start new.
Sometimes […]
It’s been so long. Been living with this pain for 3 years. I’ve tried and tried to get better. Yes I’m only 19 but I’m done. I’ve even gone and told a few friends what is going on and nothing I do and nothing they say helps. Lately I’ve hit an all time low I’ve stopped sleeping, started blasting music all night to drown out my thoughts, and then I go and hang out with friends and put on that fake smile and act happy. I’m drowning in my own pain but every time I try to get the guts to kill myself I can’t… […]
I hate business !
I hate money !
I hate capitalism / capitalist !
The main reason is because business kills creativity & ideas . money kills creativity & ideas . capitalism / capitalist kills creativity & ideas !
There are a LOT of good ideas , creativity , imaginations , inspirations , dreams , & even good deeds that business / money kills ! simply because of a petty, shallow reason “it doesn’t make a lot of money or profits ! ”
money makes the world unfair ! business makes the world unfair ! capitalism makes the world unfair !
plus , the world becomes a boring […]
I may not have had the greatest upbringing being from an undesirable neighborhood of NYC. But despite all the bad things I saw and experienced as a child, I was just so happy. The trick was, it can always be worse. No matter how bad things got, all I had to think was ‘it can always be worse’ and bam I’d feel better. No matter how terrible I think my life was, there’s always someone out there going thru much much worse. And this simple way of thinking has gotten me thru my entire life.
Now things have changed. I just turned 20 years old and […]
Friday night I was really lonely and texted everyone I know who goes to my college to find someone to hang out with, or even just to come outside for a little bit to have a cigarette. It wasn’t that late, around 11, and not one of the 10 people I texted wanted to or could. Then one friend texts back and invites me to his friends. We just played pong and drank beers all night, and eventually my friend went home; his other friend was going to walk me home because it’s not a good area to walk around alone. It’s around 2am, his […]
God is boring . boring God . why human’s imagination & fantasy is better than God boring reality ? why God is boring ?
by niki
written by niki
God is boring . boring God .
why human’s imagination & fantasy is better than God boring reality ?
why God is boring ?
I hate this world . I hate this life . I hate life .
This world is so boring , boring world !
This life is so boring , boring life ! life is boring .
Why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, […]
i always thought this was an interesting aspect what did everyone do on what they thought was going to be there last day on earth ?
i got up early, went to school, hung out with all my friends, came home,ate my favourite take away, cleaned my room, showered, wrote a note, took a handful of pills and went to sleep. unfortunately it obviously didnt work and i woke up in the middle of the night in severe pain regretting what i had done
This world is boring , boring world . why movies, games, anime/manga, fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
by niki
written by niki
I hate this world .
This world is so boring , boring world !
Why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, […]
Ive been thinking, all of us (or at least the majority) on here don’t want to be here… With the living. But what if we did end it? What if we did end our lives by whatever means… Who have we left behind?
Now im sure a decent amount of you are thinking “I would be leaving no one behind” which is fair enough. But those of us who have family and / or friends… I just can’t help but wonder, what if we were to be the very thing that started the journey to someone else’s self-annihilation?
I am a seventeen year old in my third year of high school. I go to a therapeutic high school, but my attendance is pretty erratic due to my depression, anxiety, mood disorder NOS, insomnia, and sensory issues. I fit the tortured poet cliche. I am recognized for my poetry regionally, which I cherish because it seems to be my only accomplishment in life. I am quite useless in every other endeavor (though I do have a talent for making up decent drinking songs).
I have been struggling with mental illness since the age of ten, though I was only diagnosed when I was twelve. Since […]