I am married. To the most wonderful man. I always felt in life that I would have to settle, and God showed me differently. We have moved 15 hours from where I grew up. 15 hours from everything that I have ever known. I do not know anyone aside from my husband’s family, who are wonderful people…but they are not friends. I hardly know them. I find it so exhausting trying to be a good daughter-in-law. Everyone knows everything about everyone up here and I have always enjoyed my privacy. My husband and I have tried to a new church and we both like it. […]
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God
I can’t do anything at this point. I get drunk all the time, as often as I can. I take advantage of other people. People I’m supposed to care about. I owe people a bunch of money. I’m living off my family. I can’t hold a job, I don’t have any friends, and I don’t care about people who care about me. I want it to stop. I want to stop being me, I want to stop thinking about all of my problems, I want to stop contemplating suicide and just do it. I thought about it all the time when I was 14, I […]
I’m in a place I have been sine I was 11, I am broken inside friends and family say get help I have but it didn’t really help its basically for people who can talk problems out and somehow be cured. I hurt I’m heartbroken I have been on a downward spiral for so long I no longer know what complete happiness is. I no longer have friends to turn to since a year ago I had overdosed. I feel so alone they say turn nto God but I do have God but that hasn’t helped me either I can’t find peace I feel myself […]
So after keeping everything bottled up inside me I decided I have to share my real feelings.
Hmm…where to start? I guess when everything began.
I had just moved to this town in Texas because my father’s in the military. I was excited about the new experience. I had my heart set on going to this cool elementary school, Cielo Vista, but I couldn’t. So I had to go to Bliss, one of the worst elementary schools in the city. Thank god I was only there for 5th grade. Anyways, I was always a bit on the sad side. But when I got here, everything seemed to […]
hello everyone
it often happens to me,before sleeping, suddently i feel depressed ,sad ,feel like i’m about to cry,
each time , just before sleeping, i pray, i hope, please god make that nothing of this real, just let me sleep for ever. but each morning i wake up.
i feel i don’t fit in this world, i don’t know why do i persist in living this life.
i’m a cower, i’m not able to commit a suicide.
there’s my family , i know that killing my self will be devastating for them,
i want to feel like when i’m sleeping, then i do not […]
I don’t want my suicide to be a long drawnout note about all the reasons I chose suicide. So instead I would prefer some short but sweet words like:Â Â Â My life-My choice/Gee it sure is boring in here/Kill me/and I swear that I don’t have a gun/I don’t care/only option/life is optional/god better have an excuse for this bullshit/I am so fucking bored/
Well she’s still not home still not answering her calls. So I assume she is with that other guy. I wrote out my last words & testaments. I think I’m ready to see GOD now! So here goes nothing! I Father who tho in heaven hallow be thy name thy Kingdom come thy will be done on earth that it is to heaven give us today my daily bread & forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us & lead us not into temptation but delivery us from evil for thy is the kingdom the power & the glory forever & ever […]
WHO CARES I DON’T UNDERSTAND!
Why do I come to this God damn website searching for a little hope? Why do I do this to myself? Why can’t I just be happy what is the fucking point? Why can’t I just move on with my life. I care. I care so much. But do they care? Do my friends and family really care? Does my boyfriend really care? Or is this some fucking pity thing? HA. My boyfriend. What a wonderful guy. He’s so up fucking beat, and I am so off beat. What is wrong with me? It seems almost as if I can […]
Before I begin with my story, let me just say that I’m staring death in the face and I’m at the end of my pitiful rope. It’s a long story so please get comfortable. At the very end, is a letter to my love.
September 25, 2010 – The day my life would change forever.
I had been talking to this girl I liked for a while now, we had a lot in common, so we set up a movie date. September 25 was our first date. She looked beautiful that summer night. I remember what she wore, how her hair was, and most of all, that […]
I started drinking and smoking pot around age 12. before I went into puberty, Now i am 23 and my bones have not developed. My wrists and hands are smaller than most childrens. I also have gynocomastia (development of breasts due to hormonal imbalances). It seems my hormones are fucked. I have no sex drive and no ambition. Ive been rejected by many females for my feminine qualities. My father killed himself when i was 17, and all my life since then Ive just wanted to be a man and take care of myself and my family…now im developing into a fucking woman! I had […]
This is my first time on the website, so I hope I don’t break any rules or something.
My story is pretty standard: a strict family, crippingly high expectations, and an inability to ever deliver what they wanted culminated in chronic depression and very bad self esteem. I once brought home a B+ for a 7th grade science class. My parents screamed at me and insulted me until I was literally on my knees, sobbing, begging them to stop.
In high school I was absolutely miserable. Because I was shy and socially awkward, I was unpopular, completely ignored. I did well in my classes, but of course not nearly well enough to please my parents. Nobody talked to […]
Today was even worse I have this overwhelming desire not to live anymore. I passed a wreck I even stopped to see if everything was okay.. I got back in my car and cried because I wasnt the one who died in the wreck! I would gladly take the place of the other person.. I cry everyday more today then usual.. No one would care if I died my family would only be worried about their perfert image and what people would say about there daughter killin herself. My funeral would be filled with not close friends and a happy family but with people who […]
The old me held on to hatred
The new me holds on to love
The old me would hurt others on a whim
The new me tries to help others whenever possible
The old me hated the world
The new me loves the world
The old me embraced the Darkness
The new me embraces the Light
The old me signed a contract with the Devil
The new me has given himself to Life
The old me thought that he was a god
The new me knows that he is a servant
The old me was a masochist
The new me is an optimistÂ
The old […]
Before I begin with my story, let me just say that I’m staring death in the face and I’m at the end of my pitiful rope. It’s a long story so please get comfortable.
September 25, 2010 – The day my life would change forever.
I had been talking to this girl I liked for a while now, we had a lot in common, so we set up a movie date. September 25 was our first date. She looked beautiful that summer night. I remember what she wore, how her hair was, and most of all, that long hug she gave me when I first walked up […]
I wanna see your thoughts or beliefs.. Mine are that God wants to save me from this horrible world we live in.
I lack the ability to be persistent,so it’s the end of the line.
by jackraiden
written by jackraiden
Up till now, i have always tried to change my life.
I have tried to be consistent, in everything but failed..in everything.
Everything i try from losing weight to even brushing my teeth ends up not being done, and im sick of it, im sick of it all, life is a god damn chore that i don’t want to join, its sucks,i have no one else that understands me, no one, all i have are idiots around me, my family and friends will never understand me and how painful it is thinking this way, getting up to wash your face feels like climbing a mountain.
I will never […]
Everyday of my life is to please everyone else. But for every fake smile i put on my face to fool the stupid people i see, the more i die inside. I cant take it anymore. Being the “nice guy” never helped me with anything. I always have girls tell me “You’re way to nice”, and i ask “Is there something wrong with that?”, and they always say “Nah, i just wish i had a guy like you”. Well why dont they ever want me? They always say they want a nice guy, but then they go after the big douche bag that treats her […]
I envy most of you beucase you have god as a net for when you fall. I dont believe in god so my fall has no bottom I have been inside the lowest nihilism and lost the motivation to self harm I have felt like just laying still in my bed forever. I believe that hen i die I am gone forever Religion has actually been a large cause of my problems becuase It showed me that humanity is gulible and that they will murder over somthing thats core message is love and peace.
i dont think i cant do this anymore,i have to phisically confide my self inside my apartment or i will run, i will leave, and the cops will catch me, the only way people wont be able to control me anymore is if i kill myself,they will never let me off commitment,i will never get to move to california,i cant live like this for the rest of my life,all i think about is california, or getting recommited then taking sleeping pills and laying on the rail road tracks,and no the train driver would never know he hit me cause it would be dark outside,im going […]
Sometimes I wonder if wanting to die is just trying to connect body to mind, because I feel dead inside, and I have for a long time.
Nothing’s changed in my life. I’m still a 26-year old student assistant. I should be happy to even have a job, but I have to pay $250 quarterly just to keep it. And I’m only taking classes to have the job, so it’s not like that’s adding up to anything useful. I have no worth, here.
I have no friends. No, really, I don’t. Not one. I have people that call me every four months to tell me that something […]