The lighting is noticeably awful and I couldn’t get a good angle so it makes my shading and tones patchy when they’re not, but I finally finished working into this piece for college (there’s shadows over the drawing, but we’re pretending they’re not there now).
Everything’s getting worse slowly, so it didn’t turn it as well as it was supposed to, but I can live with it.
Originally I had typed up about my horrible day, but I decided against posting it. So instead, […]
Just watched the documentary on the Golden Gate Bridge was a good documentary about suicide there was one story that stood out to me there was this one man who wanted to be a manager of a games store the day he committed suicide he got the call for the job he wanted it shows you never know what’s round the corner I hope things get better for all of us I hope soon the light will shine though the darkness I hope our path will be lit up so we can finally know where we are going
So yesterday was the most stress full day ever wondering or not is going to drag me out of my husband grandparents house so go news he didn’t.so that leaves me with scary unsurance what is going to happen and I don’t know.
so what kind end of happenig was my husband and I I end up watching a documentary about 11 which means anxious depressedso when the movie ended.he took of the computer awayw and he kept on asking me what was wrong physically wouldn’t answer like a really with all my strength not. Able open my mouth and tell […]
I can’t wait any longer, all I can think about is how useless I am, how I’ll never get good at drawing, how I’m a burden on my family and everyone I meet. I just can’t wait any longer, tonight I want to take my life. I’m not doing anything good staying here. I think I’m finally ready.
Idk what it is but I’m depressed again like I was last year, only this time I think it’s worse. I do pretty well all other months but right after that second week of february hits so do the feelings. I feel such sadness, disappointment, loneliness, and confusion and it literally sucks the life from me.
Not a single person knows this about me but I need sex to keep me sane otherwise my whole world crumbles. I’m not an addict I don’t have sex with anyone nor do I necessarily do it all the time. I’ve only been with 2 people one I was dating […]
Feeling depressed sad, not grieving sad. At least it feels like it, like I’d be feeling this way (mostly) even if my fiance and I were still together.
I do feel like I’ve sort of accepted she’s gone and what’s happened, maybe. But it feels like my life is just a cycle of loss and tragedy on top of unrelenting depression and anxiety. The only reprieve I’ve had was when I was with my fiance/girlfriend. Our first year together is probably the happiest I can remember ever being- not only was I in love with an amazing woman who loved me back, but right before we […]
Now im thinking of how I i spoke and wrote earlier. I wish I didn’t say alot of it. Tomorrow, I will make and eat a good breakfast and begin to exercise, hopefully. Definetly go out for coffee. And back.
My last post I thought I was crazy because I was hearing shit, but I went to the doctor and it turns out I’m just very sleep deprived and stressed as fuck so that’s good. And since I was feeling good and confident today I decided to finally come out over twitter I’m scared as fuck, but hopefully everything goes well fingers crossed. Oh and also thanks to Hazy Day Sunflower for giving me advice I really appreciate it.
I must forget you
All those painful memories
Being honest to myself and realizing
You do me no good
You make me want to change
I need to face this ruthless loneliness
I need to hear myself for a change
This so called freedom is unfamiliar
Due to your heavy memories that still linger after your absence
Hello everyone! I’ve made a new blog to share my everyday thoughts and share some good music. If anyone is interested, they can visit my blog and comment, or just talk with me through this page. I am here for everyone that needs to talk and share their feelings. My blog is: https://feelingsdose.wordpress.com/
I hate to feel sick of working already when it’s my first year. But I feel useless and like I can’t ever be up to the level everyone else is on, and I’ll always be such a no good underperformer. I used to think I was smart but it’s not book smarts you need. It’s being normal, knowing how everyone else thinks, and creating systems that follow the normal thinking patterns that I’m clueless on. I’m sick of not having any energy, being so short of breath, coughing & gagging like a smoker when I’ve never smoked, being tired all the time and overall physically […]
Annoying happy people (and a lot of hypocrite depressed people) always try to cheer me up by saying annoying stuff like “think about the happy things,” “look on the bright side,” “think about all the things you’re good at.” You know those people you KNOW is about to launch into their annoyingly cheery spiel and you warn them to “stop attempting to cheer me up” before they start and yet still continue on with their cheery-look-on-the-bright-side banter? Well fuckers, here goes the list:
-I am amazingly good at noticing flaws, defects and pitfalls to a design/thought/process/procedure/business idea/strategy/scientific study, etc. I am great at […]
I have tried everything to keep myself going I’ve tried to see if life gets better. Let me tell you, it doen’t (at least for me). Lets go through what ive done, they say that opening up to someone will help, I thought I could tell my friend because he was good to me and we trusted eachother before. Wrong I told him and he bullied me for it. Now I have know one. My days are the same wake up with no energy, go to school to only expell the only energy I have, cry and eat for an hour and sleep. Yes because […]
Things was good me n him then he relaspsed pycosis im scard it will take him away from me i had to get u help but everytime u call u say hurtful n things like u r not with me but before u relapsed we was good i am scared idk what i can do with out u i wait for u to.come bk home or will.u ever as ur mind right now thinks diff i hope u hold on to us i have nothin with out u but i will be patient things right now feel as if my world is falling hello all […]
Why does it feel
that Mr. sharp
is the only one
that loves me?
Why is he
the only one
that is able
to make me forget?
the only one that
makes me feel like
i matter?
do i really?
why does it
feel so
good
when my skin
rips open?
Why do
I crave to feel the
pain that he
leaves behind?
I know.
because its the
only thing
reminding me
I’m still alive.
This time I’ll do things differently
This time I’ll act immediately
This time, I’ll keep an overview
Has anyone else on here watched those two South Park episodes about depression? They’ve been keeping me sane (i.e. as sane as possible) for the past 21 hours or so. It’s been quite a while since I last watched them, and they feel even more relevant now. That’s not a good thing, of course, but at least I have something to make me feel less alone in all of this.
Damn it… Please, just let this day be over.
Everything is prepared, in about 20-30 minutes I will go into my bathroom, sit in the tub, zone out to some good music, and fall asleep. I’ve wanted to do this for so long. I wish I could say proper goodbyes to a few people before I go but that would tip them off to what I am about to do.
I wish things could have worked out differently for me but I guess an average life was too much to ask for. Oh well.
Everything seems ok, then someone asks: are you ok? And I start crying non stop. Yes everything is ok.
I have to go work, but I get there and do nothing.
I am feeling empty.
A few good opportunities came to hand this week. Things I would have given everything else for, a year ago. And here I am, not giving a fuck for them.
I just want to cry. I just want to stop feeling this sad.
Well I’m going to go a different road today and say that I have a pretty positive outlook on life at the moment.
Today was a actually a pretty good day and I’m thankful for it cause they’re rare anymore.
Had a good aa meeting, had a meeting downtown for community service hours and I didn’t buy any drugs even tho I kinda had a plan to mabey look for something to take the edge off. Even took the money out, just didn’t ask anyone so that felt pretty good too.
Getting out of the house too was actually good I didn’t want to leave my room today […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/tmp_23933-Session-121220324555.mp3
Found an old recording. Just my guitar and a drum loop. Too many effects dials and not enough production experience. Oh well. Have a good laugh. If you listen in headphones, turn them down, it gets stupid loud and squealy.
Edit: I know the rules say no hate, but feel free to hate on this. I’ll be the first to admit it sucks damn hard.
Please log in to report posts