I got to school late today, I walked in and there were kids flooding the hallways, I just had my earbuds in and I was walking. All I could hear was my music and it’s amazing, nobody cares and that’s just the cold hard truth. They look at me and they avoid me because I am apparently “hard to approach.” It’s amazing cus I just as easily walked passed my boyfriend and all my friends, but nope not a single head turned my way. Nobody notices me. It would be like that if I were dead too cus I’m just that girl with pink hair […]
this reminds me of a book i read, a website similar to this. im glad i have somewhere to vent. i just wonder why no methods are allowed to be shared, it honestly would’ve been nice. but back to the juicy stuff. i am a transgender boy in iowa. ive attempted suicide once before. parents never took me to therapy or got me on antidepressants. i came out to my parents via an email from my school. fun. they said they support me, but have not used proper pronouns, name, or discussed me being on testosterone. (i dont even know if i spelled that right.) […]
Its my day off. I woke up too early. I cried in bed for probably an hour. No shame in lying about that. I prayed, and I cried some more. I actually made myself breakfast today. But it happened to be in the after noon when I ate it. So I guess I can consider that brunch. I ate in bed… And have been there all day. It’s the place I feel most comfortable.
I feel very numb today. I feel as if I have given up the hope I was holding onto so dearly. Why? I don’t know. Nothing has changed. I tried to cheer […]
A not so famous quote from my best friend from high school that always makes me laugh – “Yeah I like grit music.”
If only Wndozh8r was here, he’d get it and I wouldn’t have to explain. LOL
Its like a guilty pleasure. I listen to 80s sometimes to de-stress and I end up on play lists of grit music. Or what you would know as hair metal.
A grit is a term we use back home in West Virginia for people who dress like fans of hair metal. Those are grits. Pikers. LMAO. Hahaha god I miss the days when things were simple….
My heart is an autoclavethey say alcaholics, are always alcoholics, even if they’ve been as dry as my lips, for years we have incongruent morals, we suffer at the hand of hope, we try so hard, and now trying has become synonymous with failing I feel like I mite never know the other side of madness ever again…I feel like I;m ed Norton from fight club n I just keep missing myself I am my own eternal hair shirt I am raidohead’s exit music and we don’t wanna die, but we don’t wanna keep fighting, we are tired, we embrace our unconditional humanity and we reach, we […]
SOCIETY: are you under 100lbs?
GIRL: no, but im happy.
SOCIETY: is your hair down to your ass?
GIRL: no, but im happy
SOCIETY: do you have huge boobs?
GIRL: no, but
SOCIETY: do you have a flawless smile?
GIRL: No.
SOCIETY: Do you realize how ugly you are?
SOCIETY: Do you realize that no one wants you?
SOCIETY: Did you realize your stupid?
SOCIETY: Where did you go?
SOCIETY: have you commited suicide?
SOCIETY: Omg, no, she was so beautiful, and special, and loved, she will be missed so much society is so ugly, why did she have to go?
Walking back to work today from my lunch break, I started thinking about the piano(keyboard) sitting in my apartment. I’ve had it for a year but have only played with it twice; still on the first couple pages of my 6 week lesson guide. I bought it to fulfill part of the destiny I laid out for myself. When you’re as cowardly as I am, suicide is nothing more than a silent longing, and so I fully expect myself to reach old age.
If and when I do make it to gray hair and wrinkles, I want to be away from society and on a farm. […]
Even though I just made this new account I wanna start out with some personal things because I can’t tell anyone face to face these issues.
Here I go, I have been questioning my gender for a couple of months now.
Since last July I have had a deep connection in a weird way with the LGBTQ+ community. I watched the Fourth of July parade and for some weird reason I cried. At that moment I realized I was bi.
Skip to January of this year and I start to see people at my school who are genderneautral or trans. I didn’t get it but then I realized […]
I’m confused on what’s going on, my dad gets mad at me for wearing makeup, my mom gets mad at me for the clothes I wear (skinny jeans and sweaters) she gets mad at me for the way I do my hair (straighten or curl) I do these things Becuase it makes me feel confident on who I am but to my parents, they put me down about it, they say my hair looks gross and that my makeup sucks and that I would be prettier if I wore dresses…is pleasing myself bad for them??
When I think, I think way to hard, I think so much that, thinking is all i think about. I think about how everything is just, just a veil to the real world. I see the world in all that it is. People think that when you die you go to an eternal paradise if you follow a few rules and accept Jesus Christ. But in reality. (that’s the world i live in) When you’re brain stops working. You stop being you. You have no soul. Its just you’re brain and how you think. You just sit in the ground and rot. But if you […]
“he has a big nose, his eyes are too far apart, he looks weird, his hair is fucked, he’s too fat, he’s too short, he’s not muscular enough, he’s not cool enough, he doesn’t have a good enough job, he has a shitty car, he has a shitty apartment, he doesn’t have enough friends, he doesn’t have enough hobbies, god his life must suck.”
– The Human Race
When I was kind of living all over the place, she stepped in and helped me, even though I didn’t really like her. When CPS came and saw me, I went to church with her that day and spent the night with her. I was TOTALLY freaking out and she talked with me and stayed up with me till 1 in the morning. She laid next to me and played with my hair to calm me down. She took me for the weekend to her home town and we stayed at her parents and met her siblings and aunts. They were totally nice to me. […]
My inheritance is not in the form of material possessions.
My inheritance is not written into my parents’ wills. It wasn’t written into their parents’ wills either.
Our family heirlooms take the form of sertraline, once a day, everyday.
Beta-blockers for anxiety.
Checking. Checking everything. Are the doors locked? Yes. I will check them again. And again.
And again.
I didn’t use the oven today, but I will still make sure it is off.
My inheritance is mood swings and fear. Insomnia and disordered eating. Addiction and self-doubt.
And just as I have inherited my brown hair and freckles, I have inherited all of these things too.
Suicidal thoughts again, cluster headaches, crying, urges to cut myself :‘( I’m feeling numb I dunno what to think or do I keep pushing people away my head is fucked up :‘( I’m fucked up I hate myself so much I’m a fucking fat worthless piece of nothing… I guess my bestfriends lied because they left me… when they said they wouldn’t I just want to hit my head off the wall and pull my hair out I have been sick I dunno what to fucking do it’s slowly killing me and no one I know stays enough to help me .. they get scared […]
I don’t know how to feel about mine and Mrs. K’s relationship. She has been very nice to me and has been helping me with my drug problem and self harming. Last Wednesday when I stayed at her house I was having a really tough time, so she laid with me on the couch and stayed there, I was expecting her to get up and leave when I was asleep, but she didn’t.
At school she kind of was distant. I would try talking to her, just about school stuff, and she would not look me in the eye.
This weekend I went with her to her […]
I can keep it together for pretty long. Sunglasses on, hair down, blank fuckin stare.
Threw up “mop that shit up with your hair *****, i want you to get on your fucking knees and mop it up. You’re lucky i dont make you eat it.”
Lol. Call me a monkey, I love monkeys, im a ****, i love that word, very empowering.
Keep it together, don’t laugh, for gods sake don’t cry. I’ll be laughing when I’m selling my engagement ring. I’ll […]
I’ve been too depressed to do any research on how to best kill my fat and half way crippled self. I can’t even make friends because people somehow have the idea that my life is a privileged bowl of cherries when I’ve never had shit, have been homeless off and on chronically for my entire life, exactly what the hell is being given to me? Not a damn thing. But anyway, that really pissed me off. Way to keep pushing me over the edge! I’m starting to think my generation is the worst, full of the most superficial dickheads who are all still single and […]
I’m forgetting him. I don’t remember what he sounded like without listening to a video. I have a faint memory of it, but it’s fleeting. I honestly think I’m going to forget him completely. I can’t do that. I mss him and I can’t stand the fact that I’m never going to see him again. I’ll never see that cute little crinkle in his nose or his weirdly thick eyelashes. His fucking blonde hair and his stupid fucking face. I wish I could feel something. I can’t tell if I’m mad at him or if I’m sad or if im just fuckedd up. He left […]
I just got from Spring break. I enjoyed it since I love travelling and being with my family. And for one week, I thought – “Well, I guess I wasn’t really as depressed as I thought I was.” FOR. ONE.WEEK. And now it’s back again. Depression can be really tricky. It consists of everything thats happening in your life. It could be about your school, your friend, your family, the amount of your work. And anything could trigger your breakdowns like, your hair being on the way when the wind blows, when you miss the bus, when the water is too cold and it takes a […]
Hello. I am a 13 year old Female dealing with Social Anxiety, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, and Bullying. Every time i go to school i get judged for who i am, today [4/22/2015], someone pushed me into a wall and called me a fat emo. Last night when i was chatting with my online friends, someone sent me a paragraph on how dumb i am, how worthless i am, and how i am a failure. I cut myself every other day because i know i deserve the pain. I skip every dinner to lose weight. My parents think i’m weird. All of my “friends” make fun of my […]