I don’t know what I am. I feel like saying I’m depressed will be an insult to those who have it worse. I don’t know what I want from life, I just know that this isn’t it. Sometimes I try to pinpoint the exact moment in my life that I became like this, then I realise I was always this thing. This thing that doesn’t deserve to live. I know sometimes the best people we know think of themselves as absolute trash, but believe me I’m a terrible human being. I’m toxic. I keep hurting the people around me, especially my mother. I find myself getting […]
Tag:
hurting
Hi. Never done this before but my best guy friend has been going through issues since he was younger…he’s 24 now and can not deal any longer…I’ve been doing my best to talk to him, show him people still care even if it’s only me but it’s not talking him down any longer, he’s tired and ready to go. I am not completely sure what to do or how to go about this. I know he’s hurting but it has to be a better way than this. He has siblings, people who love him and are actively there but it’s not enough…confused friend at the […]
Im so sorry.
To Mom: Im sorry you’ll never see me become the happy man with family that you always wanted me to be. I’m sorry i was always miserable. Im sorry I never talked to you. Im sorry for being so difficult and putting you through so much.
To my Sister: We always got along rather well. But i could never explain to you whats going on in my mind. I know this will only hurt you and mom more, but I couldn’t take hurting anymore. Im sorry i’ll never be a uncle for your daughter.
To Her: Im so sorry. I know this is the last […]
Just to feel someone next to me
To hear a soft and steady breathing
Someone who knows what I’m feeling
And refuses to leave me hurting
Through the doctors visits and meds
Through countless hospital beds
Through things I should have never said
And the times I wish I was dead
Please sing me to sleep
My heart will be yours to keep
Just sing to me a lullaby
And kiss away the tears I cry
To feel your hands on me
And know you never planned to leave
Through the illnesses that plague me
And all I really wanted to be
Through all of my broken […]
I’m doing fine now, without you warmroom. IDGAF about being banned from crisis-chat. Do I honestly want to associate with vindictive underhand scumbags who are about as suicidal as my cat and get their kicks from deliberately hurting two vulnerable users who just happened to be mother and son?
Anthrophobia, I appreciate that you have mommy issues and are probably a budding misogynist. Please note tinychatters that my son himself defended me to you as a sufferer from manic depression. He has more insight in his little finger than you do in your anthropophobic brain and totally lacks your petty vindictiveness and penchant for drama.
Have fun […]
Why do people say that? Time heals all wounds… classic quote that means shit. Dad, you died 2 years ago, and today is ‘your’ day .. I can’t celebrate it anymore, and I miss you so much. But 2 years.. no relief. That knife that twists in my stomach when I think about how much I wish we could trade places – it still hurts with the same intensity as the day you passed. I can’t stop hurting inside, I can’t stop wishing it was me instead of you – I don’t understand WHY God took you .. you are a thousand times more important, […]
My wife and I began our relationship 16 years ago. It was the best time of my life, literally. ..in love, being loved. Words can’t express. But if you’ve been there, you know what I’m speaking of. As the years have passed we’ve taken the route that many couples have- marriage, children, etc. Somewhere in this I hAve lost her affection. Her quickness to anger and the feelings of revulsion I feel coming from her to me are breaking me down. I always took such comfort in knowing that we would grow old together…that I would spend my years with my best friend and the […]
Depression
Depression is not something easily understood. It drains the life out of you. You just fall and can’t get up. It requires so much for you to stand up, specially by yourself. People can lend you a hand but it’s just that they’re out of your reach. Depression is not funny or cute. It is something that consumes you. It takes over you and you feel like you’ve lost control.
Anxiety
Anxiety is not something you can understand just by learning about it. It is something that you have to experience in order to understand. It is fear. It prevents you from doings things. Making friends. […]
I cared about her so much and she threw it away. It was my fault but goddammit that doesn’t make it hurt less. I’m such an ass. I made her do things she didn’t want to and I ruined it. I… I’m a selfish prick… I’m going to cry and wish I could die tonight, but I won’t. I’m better than that. But this won’t stop hurting. not for a long time. This burns. Hollywood Undead. Black Dahlia. Most of it applies, but not all. Fuck. I care so much about her. I just want to make her happy. I thought I’d be okay being […]
I’m just so fucking stuck. No matter what I do, I’m stuck.
A little back story: my abusive boyfriend of a year and a half and I mutually split. It ended on a really, really bad note. I tend to just push it out of my mind and go numb to get over someone, which was working fine with him, until he messaged me again to try to be just friends. He knows shit like this ruins all my progress, every single time. I don’t think he cares anymore, though. I wouldn’t. I think he’s just getting a kick of dragging me along still. I don’t […]
I can’t go through this anymore, being lied to, betrayed, and hurt by.I’m tired of wanting to not be myself of hurting myself. I contemplate if I ceased to exist how long it would take anyone to notice, well if anyone ever did. When you are alone and don’t have anyone who truly loves you its hard. I can’t be strong anymore because I know its not worth it. No one actually wants to be with me for something other than their personal gain.
I don’t know why people keep connecting with me. I know it’s flattering and some people might actually would do anything to get that but it’s rather hard for me. I know spending time with friends would take me away from my problems for a while and that is nice but I know I’m going to be an ass and ruin it. I don’t even know if I’m being an ass or not. I don’t know if people accept me or just trying to keep a profile. I am weird and extremely moody. One shit can hurt me like what AM I!?
I am fine being […]
Surely, you’ve heard the phrase “old soul.” Dammit, that’s me.
I’m not that old. I’m still young, most people would say. But the things I’ve been through and the perspectives I’ve held must surely tell another story. I say this with sincerity, not grandiosity. In fact, I’m sorry to admit it. I wish I saw things differently.
All my life I’ve dealt with depression. To be fair, I didn’t start noticing it until I was maybe 9 years old, but I did notice it, and it only got worse with time. Depression brings […]
This ain’t about what I been through that took its course depression and ptsd is a ***** I self harm cuts cover my body between doctor visits seeing a physiatrist and medicine I still feel the same maybe because I’m alone. My parents say I do what white people do I tried to explain that self harm has no specific race or color I’m hurting inside why cant you see?? They just can’t stand to take the blame for what they’ve done. I’ve tried twice already and boy am I ashamed two many failed attempts it’s like I was meant to be here and suffer […]
Ian moone translated into “I am no one” who is my sad depressed lonely side that doesn’t believe in attainable love
Shifty my angry shifty no caring side that doesn’t believe in good hurting others is acceptable
C????? my real name the name of the battleground for the two sides the combination of the two sides some days shifty has mostly won some days Ian has but they both fight
I’m so devastated. Every day is just sadness. I live in constant terrible regret. Because I was a coward and couldn’t kill myself the guranteed ways, i live in constant physical pain. I can’t walk and run, my right leg is paralysed and left is nerve damaged. I used to love running. Even though I have always hated myself and suffered from depression, i trained and had a body to be envied. Now, its like ive woken up inside a nightmare, life doesn’t even feel real. Im just so sad. And it’s all my fault. No one else, just me. Suffering. Seeing doctors, specialists but […]
Obviously my name isn’t hunter s, but he is a man i admire and whose writing has helped me immensely through the years. i should start by saying that i’m not here to write my suicide note. not yet at least. i’m here because i’m broken. i have almost nothing left to lose (i say almost because i’m still alive, sort of..) and no reason to live but no reason to die. I’m here because my heart is broken the venom from all the shit people i call friends and family has been building up and burning my insides for so long that its finally […]
I’m sorry, my baby…. I’m sorry that I feel this way. That I feel like you don’t love me anymore. I’m sorry that I still want to kill myself because I feel so inadequate. I’m sorry, my love. I’m sorry that I was never good enough for you. I’m sorry that I haven’t made as big of an impact on your life as you try to tell me I have. I’m sorry I’m so fucked up. I’m sorry that I’m not good for you. I’m sorry you still can’t see that. I’m sorry that I’m clingy, that I’m possessive. I’m sorry that I can’t wait […]
Really suicidal tonight. I’m so sick of life, of hurting, of empty fuckin promises. Tired of loosing people i love. Its like there’s a black hole where my heart is supposed to be, nno matter what i do i feel nothing but emptiness and pain. though this is only my second, I’m thinking this will be my last post.
goodnight
My first diagnosis–clinical depression–was made shortly after I turned 11 in fifth grade. My first antidepressant was Zoloft when I was starting eighth grade. I’m 34 now. My medication history reads like the shelves of a pharmacy: antidepressants, benzodiazopines, sedatives, and antipsychotics galore. When I was 25, a doctor pinned down the correct main diagnosis, and I learned what stigma among the mentally ill is like. No one likes people with Borderline Personality Disorder, no matter how unlike the stereotype that person is.
I had two periods of time when I thought I had healed. One was last summer until […]