Tag:

i was

life sucks

by Mudi 3/21/2016

written by Mudi

What is life ?

For me life is just a fucking bullshit because i live like a dead person in this fucking world .

I always hated myself and my stupid life , and since i became a teenager i always wanted to die and lived with the suicidal thoughts every fucking night , it was the only thing i wanted because i just wanted to be free by dying than living in this shitty world .

Even though i always wanted to die , i just couldn’t suicide or even hurt myself because i was just scared, so instead of doing it i was just crying , because i was […]

3/21/2016 11 comments

Against all odds

by Mandrew 3/14/2016

written by Mandrew

My whole life the odds have been stacked against me. My parents divorced when i was a toddler. My father was an unstable manic depressant. My mother was a narcopath. Over the years I’ve had my ups and downs with my dad. The downs were really low, often involving violence. My finger is permanently disfigured due to a fight fight with him almost a decade ago. I’ve had mostly downs with my mom. She’s not allowed in mine or my family’s lives. Long story short: she’s a user who abuses those close to her until they have nothing left to give, including me. Her top […]

3/14/2016 4 comments

Lost

by Anunnaki 3/12/2016

written by Anunnaki

I dont even know what to write here, im so lonely, i dont know where home is. Im so embarrassed about how i get when im upset. Im weird and it feels like nobdoy could possibly love me. Its 4:43am and im always awake at this time, i dread the sun coming up so badly every morning. I sleep all day and that helps but at the same time i think it’s not doing me any good. I haven’t worked in like a year. I just dont feel alive, all i crave is to be held but girls dont even like me, im not ugly […]

3/12/2016 30 comments

Hi

by HatedGirl 3/10/2016

written by HatedGirl

I requested a new pycitrist again and i was told no to geting one as my first vist to them.was well so i got nothing for my depression or anxity bf will be coming home soon from hospital i miss him lots hope you all haveing a good night i cant sleep up and im sick so cant do much going to watch fuller house again glad they brought it bk

3/10/2016 1 comment

I think I’m okay?

by outinthedark 3/9/2016

written by outinthedark

So last night i almost started crying multiple times in public, but no one noticed. i went to my old high schools band concert because i was in band so i know the majority of upperclassmen in the band. i wanted to see them perform and i missed their winter concert because of a car accident. a main reason for my going was to see him. to see the guy who made me realize someone gave a shit about me over a year ago. hes the main reason for my being alive right now and back in november i told him about my depression. hes […]

3/9/2016 1 comment

Here we go again

by tired123 3/8/2016

written by tired123

I have just about had enough of this. I am so tired of feeling like I want to take my own life, telling myself that it will pass, feeling a little better, just to be slammed with the same damn feeling all over again. There are times when I realize that maybe I dont really want to die that I just want these feelings and emotions to stop. But its been going on for so long now I really dont think it will ever happen. Im so sick of feeling this way and maybe the only way out is to finally just do it.
Ugh, […]

3/8/2016 2 comments

I’m a monster

by iwant2_die 3/7/2016

written by iwant2_die

Dad died when i was 47 days old. it was a car accident and the person on the other car died as well. I know it’s wrong, but sometimes I wish Mom was the one in that car. I know for sure that I would be happier. Is that wrong? that i sort-of wish mom would die? I know it sounds horrible… but what can I do? I’m a monster. I can’t feel a damn thing. I saw how one of my best friends was crying her eyes out today because her grandma died and i … I couldn’t feel anything. Not a single thing. […]

3/7/2016 3 comments

by LetItGo 3/6/2016

written by LetItGo

when it happened i was yielding
waiting waiting waiting
for someone to come i didnt know it yet
i didnt realize i was waiting grasping on to each breath like it was going to be my last
it happened so gradually i never once closed my eyes and shouted the word no
people take that as acceptance as if its such a black and white matter it is gray space and static it is no opposite there is no box holding me in or leaving me out
my hurt is not romantic nor is it happy hurt it is not hurt that i cry […]

3/6/2016 1 comment

Weeping Willow Wont You Wallow Louder..

by ShyStorm 3/2/2016

written by ShyStorm

Hmm… I can’t exactly be sure why I decided to come to this site, to post about it… But i need to get it out and off of my chest to people who i don’t know. I don’t want my friends and family to know how i feel.

I’ve been depressed as long as i can remember. I remember as a little kid crying and asking my mom weird questions such as

“How do you know if you’re depressed?” “What is depression” “Is depression feeling sad all day?”

I was probably only 6 or 7- but my dad had very bad depression so it wasn’t not talked about […]

3/2/2016 2 comments

I wish…

by iwant2_die 2/26/2016

written by iwant2_die

Where? Where was God when the bastard my brothers call ‘dad’ was hurting me? Where was he when my brother’s hand was getting burned? When Mom was beating the shit out of me? When they took me from my brothers? When my best friend and Dad were dying? I don’t fucking know. I wish i did but I don’t. I wish I believed in him everyday. I wish Mom loved me. I wish I didn’t have these thoughts in my head. I wish so many things I can’t have. But most importantly… I wish i was dead, that i never existed. That Mom would have had […]

2/26/2016 4 comments

i hate birthdays

by jasal 2/23/2016

written by jasal

[tw: self-harm]

i turn 21 tomorrow and feel pretty terrible about it. i didn’t want to make it to 21. i wanted to be ashes by now. i told my family i don’t want a special meal or a cake or presents, but they’re nice people so they’re insisting. i think my brother feels bad for screaming at me and basically telling me i was worthless, a few weeks ago (the first time he’s ever treated me that way…can’t say i didn’t deserve it haha). he insists on at least picking up good food. why.

i wish i was dead. i have a list of […]

2/23/2016 6 comments

Divided

by curiouscat 2/18/2016

written by curiouscat

I’ve never had that great of a time living; abusive parents, bullied, a serious disability that makes life pretty hard in general and lot other things i’d rather not mention.

When i was younger i would consider killing myself every once in a while, but i was too afraid to actually do so. And If it weren’t for my fear of the outcome, i probably would have done it by now.

I’m too afraid of what the aftermath of my actions would be rather than actually dying itself. What people would do, what they would think of me, and what they might say worried me too much.

Of […]

2/18/2016 1 comment

It’ll never get better

by Metalgore 2/16/2016

written by Metalgore

it’s amazing how they told me, when i was younger, that i won’t feel this way forever. They always told me that it will get better and that i should stay strong. Well, I can’t stay strong forever and things are only getting worse. I don’t know how long I can hold on…

I remember talking to a friend about the way i felt. They answered “Maybe life just isn’t for you.” This broke me but maybe they were right…All I know now is that it had never gotten better, so why would it now?

2/16/2016 4 comments

so, i saw a play tonight

by herecomestheavalanche 2/14/2016

written by herecomestheavalanche

…and it made me want to commit suicide. yes, it was that bad that i have lost all faith in art, theatre, and humanity.

i applied two of my plays to this playwriting competition this year and last year, and got rejected both times. it sucked. last year, i was not able to see the final plays, but tonight i watched this year’s plays.

what. dreck.

the first play was kind of witty, making fun of crappy community college theatre that is up its own butt, poorly written and poorly acted.

the next 2 hours was basically…all the plays the first play was making fun of.

it was awful. i […]

2/14/2016 4 comments

Why?

by iwant2_die 2/9/2016

written by iwant2_die

My stepfather raped me when i was 9 and kept doing it until i was 11. he said if i ever told anyone any of this he’d kill me, my mother and brothers. Mom was never home, she was always working and didn’t even care about us. Why did i give a crap what happened to her or even my brothers? i don’t know. Mom has never loved me, shes told me before I’m the worst mistake she could ever make and i believe i am. When she found out what was going on she blamed it on me and said i was “trying to […]

2/9/2016 7 comments

The pain never ends.

by spooniegirl1 2/9/2016

written by spooniegirl1

3 years ago, i started having really bad stomach aches. i was stuck in the house for 5 months, and my best friend moved away. i had tons of tests, but the doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong. by the end of that summer, i was extremely depressed and started cutting myself. when that school year started, i forced myself to play a sport (which i became very good at) and the pain kind of dissipated. i lost about 20 pounds, and I’m already tiny as it is, so i was down to about 85 pounds. when the physical pain sort of stopped, the […]

2/9/2016 2 comments

some to say before the end

by LIFEwREGRET 2/5/2016

written by LIFEwREGRET

Hello, I can’t keep taking life from no success and all failures. They say you should try and keep trying but all i have been doing is stopping and stopping. I keep telling myself will i get better if i keep my vision on the right track. But when i think about it.. What do i really envision about myself? I’m 24 and male. my life has been a huge lack on interaction with people. it’s so hard to be myself with new people because the real me is a trans-gender. I always had more guy friends then girls.. I wanted to have more friends […]

2/5/2016 1 comment

Do I want to live no but im still trying my best and proud of myself.

by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful) 2/2/2016

written by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful)

Am i perfect not at all. I wish i had more exciting imperfections besides bitterness and anger but it is what it is. If there was such thing as a sure suicide method I’d probably do it. Hanging doesn’t work well and the dam near me doesnt have a convenient way to the drop. Also its survivable imo. I had a gun once. I was scared of vegitating myself so i didn’t do it. I would have fucked up the shot. You get nervous with a gun. I’m mad i was ever born still. But do i always see a hopeless loser in the mirror? […]

2/2/2016 6 comments

Still here..

by rubdoo50 2/1/2016

written by rubdoo50

A few days i bought a whole lot of supplies for my exit & wrote on here that I would soon be leaving. For anyone following that post I am still here (obviously).
I decided to go and visit my mother for the night before I committed suicide. I was still convinced that now was the right time but during the night this really weird thing happened…..
I woke up during the night as i thought i heard my mum out in the hallway. I tried to sit up in bed and call out to my mum to ensure she was alright (she was […]

2/1/2016 8 comments

Protected: sometimes, when i was little,

by whiskered-fish 1/28/2016

written by whiskered-fish

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

1/28/2016 2 comments

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