I’ve been dwelling on different scenarios that could put me in the hospital. I know like between 50-75 people that would probably come see me, but there’s one person whose presence would mean the most to me. I’d want him there to hold my hand, talk to me, stay with me through it all, and if I were dying I’d want him holding me. I’d want him there so I could tell him how much I love him.
I’ve been in love with him for over a year, I honestly thought I’d be over it by now. He kinda knew that I liked him before, I […]
I can’t just run away from my problems. I want to.. I was looking for an easy out.. A friend’s, a relative’s, maybe even trying to leave on my own and try to make it. But I can’t, I have to do this.. life, the hard way. I have to struggle, I have to fight, but I’m so tired, exhausted. I want to quit, I want more than anything to just leave everything behind, get to things and just go. But I can’t. I’m not stuck, I could do those things and run.. But I can’t. I have to work, claw, crawl, probably cry along […]
If I could meet anyone in the world famous or not, dead or alive… It would be Rocketman!!
I am so sick of the lies in my life and the false hope that people keep feeding my already dead heart. Nothing is worth going down the endless road of life anymore. None of my friends talk to me anymore, they are just too busy to care about how I am doing anymore. I have so many issues with my health and head that no one should ever be able to love me or ever want to risk loving me. There are 7 billion other people in the world who are better off without me and the world doesn’t need my useless self taking up any space […]
I’m grieving all over again, losing that dog.
She had given her to me originally, when she left me, but then this weekend happened. I went crazy and my dad gave the dog back to her, afraid I wasn’t coming back.
And now she’s keeping her. Says the two dogs have rebonded, even though when she gave her to me, she said they’d both adapt and be happy. And she was happy with me and my parents. She loved running up and down the stairs.
I feel like this is just cruel. She knows how much the dog means to me. She’s said herself that she’s like my […]
My friend called me to go to the beach and go see the water and trails and it was so cold , about 25 degrees . But I got some good pictures . Here’s some
happiness to share with you all 🙂 it was gloomy out but the water was pretty .
Processed with VSCOcam with c1 preset
Do I want to die? 99.99% of me says yes. It is only me that can answer why and I am aware that It, the reason why, is all in my head.
I don’t know how to explain, the best that I can come up with is that I have awoken from a dreamworld that I’ve lived in for most of my life. I am not in any way, shape, or form lying or being misleading when I say that I grew up in isolation. I internalized just about everything. From the isolation, there wasn’t anyone who wanted to get close to me–no aunts […]
This has got to be the shittiest day of my life. I’m at that point. That point. The point that scares the shit out of me and yet excites me at the fucking time. The point where I could just die right now and I wouldn’t give a fucking shit.
Please, someone just kill me now. I can’t stand this shit anymore.
I’m sitting on my bedroom floor. I’m bleeding out. I can hear people talking in the living room. I’m not calling out for help. I’ll just listening to music and drift off.
I hate my head. It keeps torturing me. Why do I have to go […]
I just wanted to thank everyone for helping me talk about my problems. No matter how ashamed and embarrased I felt being a 35 yr old man. Crying and sobbing and contemplating killing myself because of a girl that I fell in love with that just threw me away. I want to name names but there are so many that helped. I’m glad all you ppl cared about me. Well I felt that way. As I do you. Thanks also for adding me in the stories as they were fun and funny. They helped feel ok in my darkest of times alone, self sabotaging and […]
Man, how does it get like this? To the point where every time you think you’ve got the solution to better your situation, invest all the energy and time you feel you’ve got left into it, only to find it’s drug you further down and more stuck than you were before? Leaving you that much more used up and exhausted, immobile, paralyzed to make another move, fearing like before, the likelihood it’ll just sink you further down..
You feel like it’s a sick curse, like your life has already been written, unwittingly playing the unfortunate role of some tragedy stricken fictional character, only it’s not fiction. […]
I failed again :(all they did was forcefully pump pills from my stomach and ship me off to a mental hospital for three days worth nothing. I drew a picture on the wall with a girl with a noose and they thought to keep me longer but mom wanted me home. Wish she would have left me there.now i have to contemplate doing it again cause its not gonna stop till im dead.but i wish it would. Pills are useless.i need to be more creative. I will try drinking dishwasher soap this time . though I don’t know when. And i hope these are my […]
Do you ever think that maybe this life is hell? That maybe we lived a life before and we are all in hell? That our only way out is to seek redemption or go farther into the pit. I sometimes wonder if the people who commit suicide get the redemption. That we have realized that we aren’t suppose to be in this world. That we were a mistake and our only way out, our only way to get to our redemption and happiness is to kill ourselves. Because that is how I view our world. That this is hell. We were in the normal world […]
hey.
so, I’ve been married a year and a half. Everything seemed fine. These past couple months my husband has been telling me that I’m fucking useless, I dont care about his house, he married me because i was desperate, I need to lose some weight, I should only use only room in the house, we shouldn’t have gotten married, he jokes about leaving and cheating on me. He’s called me stupid multiple times. I’m tired of walking on egg shells because I don’t know what will set him off. I’m tired of going to sleep crying every night because of the worthlessness I feel.
if this […]
Class started again today . We went in the clinic to learn X-rays . I literally cannot stand the people there .I usually just work alone . I work best that way anyways.
It’s so hard to think in class when I can only think about how tired I am . I can barley keep my eyes open. I sleep so much so I dont understand why I can’t be awake . This has such an impact on me . I feel like I have the capability to do nothing .
I like to sleep . I imagine that’s what death is like . Black . And […]
For those who want to leave this world, for those contemplating suicide but are to hesitant to go through with it, theres a reason for that. Something is holding you back. I think when you love something or love someone, that is the reason for you to stay. I thought long about this as I sat in the shower remembering the period of time when I felt very suicidal. I imagined in it in my head, my suicide.
I take the handful of pills I had prepared nights before from the cabinet. Tonight is the night. I write a letter to each family member in […]
I’m getting more serious about attempting suicide, everyday is just getting worse and worse. I feel like more people are ignoring me, more people are judging and complaining about stupid things and everything so boring. I feel pointless, I’m not doing anything I’m like nothing so what’s the point is even being here, I’m not a good person and I feel so lonely and crazy and weird.
What’s even the point, I have three more years left of school before I can left this boring stupide place, I can’t wait that long here. If I stay here it’s like being trapped or like a robot and […]
Hey guys I haven’t been on here since like 2014 but not really active since 2012
Anyways update
Things are okay
Im 18
I graduate this year
Start college in the fall
My family is okay ish i wish it was better but oh well
Congrats to everyone who’s made it another year
May we still push forward
<3
Anyone need someone feel free to text me
(208)446-2439 I will reply generally quickly
^^texting app not real # to anyone who wants to blast me
I have found that a way to help you figure out things is to analyze your dreams. I know some of them are seemingly meaningless, but it seems to help me. Also sharing them with others help as well. Here are a few of my own:
*warning, this first one is a bit gross*
I mashed a bump and instead of puss coming out, I pulled a neuron out of my skin.
My local college was located in a swamp. A former friend and I wore old time dresses (Gothic era) with petticoats. I found a book of nautical poetry and began to read it. The buildings were […]
The most frustrating thing about whatever it is I’m going through is this oscillation, things start to improve in small ways and then something happens however big or small and I’m back to being low again.
New Years was one of those times, being home from uni means and the history i have at home means there are a lot more people i feel i need to avoid. All day i tried to focus on working on an eminent essay but was anxious about that night; where i was going to go and who i was going to meet.
i was in the pub enjoying drinks with […]