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in the

I ALMOST did it Wednesday night

by wndozh8er 7/3/2015

written by wndozh8er

I was already suicidal and then I found this girl online, an old flame. We started talking and seemed to have a strong connection. Then she started talking to me less and less! When I asked her what is up and to be honest, she said that she tried to look past it, but can’t stand people who are on SSI and welfare without working or goals! I was absolutely floored! Another rejection? She was all into me and then dumped me like I was a piece of trash and claimed that we wasn’t together in the first place.

I immediately got a 12 pack of […]

7/3/2015 4 comments

Life, love, and reality.

by thatgirl6979 7/3/2015

written by thatgirl6979

My life is crumbling right before me. It seems as if I’m in a dark hole grasping my fingers in the dirt trying to crawl out. I’ve always been a manic-depressive, but it’s getting to be to much. My fiancé of two years just left, no reason, just saying he was done. My job is barley standing, eventually it will shut down. I’m so young and I should have so much to look forward to, but I’m not seeing it that way.

7/3/2015 3 comments

Anyone up for a friendly game of Russian Roulette?

by majesticwalrus 7/3/2015

written by majesticwalrus

At least that way my death could be a little more interesting than, “He got back from visiting family all Summer and promptly shot himself in the head.”

All I’ve got to do is make it ’til the end of August, then I’ll be back in CA with my crossbow and I can just hike into the woods and be done.

7/3/2015 7 comments

I forgot how to human….

by Sammi6xoxo 7/3/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

I’m just gonna go curl up in a ball under a blanket in the corner of my bed. If anyone cares to join me, you better bring some chocolate milk and a fucking donut and be prepared to cuddle for a few hundred years because I’ve sprung another leak in my left eye. I’m sick of the appointments. I’m sick of the pain. I’m sick of going through this alone and I Want nothing more than to swallow a fucking bullet… Every conversation with my worthless father is like pouring salt on an open wound. I know I’m not good enough, but can’t we pretend […]

7/3/2015 18 comments

Nothing really matters anymore..

by dontbother 7/2/2015

written by dontbother

Somedays i feel like it’s so hard to understand anyone or anything around me.. I dislike waking up in the morning and knowing that, i have to live for another day.. Everyone constantly says that, there’s no such thing as feeling sad forever, and eventually we’ll all get out of this hell. But it’s not true, i’ve been waiting for so long for all of these to end. Why hasn’t it..? I want to be free as well yet it seems so impossible when i’m living on this earth.. So many things have been going on for the past 2years, i’ve waited very patiently.. for […]

7/2/2015 0 comment

Laughed out of a therapist’s office…

by WiltedRoses88 6/30/2015

written by WiltedRoses88

… and at the end of my rope. I don’t know where to go or what to do. I have attempted suicide twice and am clearly too inept and too much of a coward to end my life properly. I have been dealing with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts for fifteen years and have been on a variety of medications and have seen three different therapists to try and fix the problem. Today, I was told my feelings were (verbatim) “bullshit”; followed by a laugh and the shake of a head. The appointment ended with her saying “you make me laugh”. Thanks Paula.

I can barely […]

6/30/2015 4 comments

Anger inside me

by GloomySteel 6/30/2015

written by GloomySteel

Usually I’m just smokeing a cigarette on a balcony, just me and a little red flame slowly running out… Reading some of the life storries here on the forum, but today I decided to blow off my mind here.

Right now I’m feeling like the whole univers is picking on me. Every time something “good” happens in my misarable life it soon backfires.

I was never some angry guy, I’m usually just depressed especialy in the morning (I’m really having problems getting out of bed) I’m always thinking of all the fails in my life, but once I get out of bed it gets better, usually at […]

6/30/2015 2 comments

Hmm…

by Rotted_Flesh 6/30/2015

written by Rotted_Flesh

Well I’m currently struggling with alcoholism, I love it so much and hate it at the same time. I’m trying to think of a way to regulate or cease consumption of it all together. I know from experience I just can’t have a “couple of drinks”, I’m an alcoholic, it’s never just a couple. Can’t drink only on weekend because it just starts to extend into the weekdays. I have to stop. But how am I going to stop? I guess I’m gonna have to wean myself off, my current concoction that I usually drink is about 12 ounces of whiskey/gin/ or vodka, and about […]

6/30/2015 8 comments

Love…

by Rotted_Flesh 6/30/2015

written by Rotted_Flesh

”

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.””

6/30/2015 3 comments

just my story…

by sulger 6/29/2015

written by sulger

by each passing day my suicide toughts grow stronger. I think I hate every person, even my family members. I cant find a girlfriend and i dont think i ever will. My life is revolving around finding pleasure in meaningless sex…I am constantly in the center of attention and being bullied due to my hieght ( im 6 feet 9 ( 207cm))…the only thing keeping me alive is my passion for music. I’ve been paying the guitar for about 5 years and i cant see myself doing anything other in life but making music. It is my way of expressing myself. I act coldhearted to […]

6/29/2015 3 comments

by Nihilism000 6/29/2015

written by Nihilism000

This morning, early of course, I don’t get much sleep anymore, at least I thought, left me in the dust. I told her about my depression and how sometimes I feel suicidal..I thought it would help opening up to someone. But it completely blew up in my face. I’m not sad about it, it’s expected isn’t it. She said that I was crazy and needed help..perhaps I do. I wasn’t asking for her pity, I don’t need pity, just her understanding and support you know. I see it as if she acted like that when I tried to open up to her, she was obviously […]

6/29/2015 6 comments

Expiration date nearing

by Solja 6/28/2015

written by Solja

To put it bluntly I am 40 yrs old, apparently an attractive and intelligent guy, cultured and well traveled. Been on too many dates to count over the past 2 years but have lost interest in meaningless sex and meaningless relationships, the thought of continuing on this course for another 20 years just brings me to my knees in absolute pain and hopelessness. The people around me have their own problems and wouldn’t want to hear about my bullshit pain so obviously I can’t open up and tell anyone how bad it has gotten without burdening them or being called mentally ill. What I don’t […]

6/28/2015 2 comments

Please don’t judge me

by thesearntmypants 6/28/2015

written by thesearntmypants

Oh lord where do I even begin? I am new to all this and it’s frustrating and overwhelming at the same time. I have so many mixed emotions I’m not sure to look up or down. I guess I’ll start off by introducing myself I’ll go by Cam..to keep things simple. I am 27 years old, Married with 2 beautiful children. I have been married for 6 years this October. I feel as if my life is fading away in front of me. On the outside you would think I’m happy, outgoing, funny, beautiful person but on the inside I feel a very dark void […]

6/28/2015 3 comments

Oh boy,here we go again.

by AlphaQLife 6/28/2015

written by AlphaQLife

you can call me G,and i will tell you more about me,i am 24 male
and live on a third world country called brasil,being born in the 90’s and stuff i was used to talk with more smart people
the way they dress,talk and walk back then was completly different,crime was “rarer” compared to today,200.000 prisoners in 99 and 600,000 in 2015,you could walk on streets at night without being afraid of being assaulted,killed nor raped
maybe i am overreacting,just because i was a kid things maybe looked different back then or not,but for me things really changed,all this sudden change in the […]

6/28/2015 2 comments

Sibling abuse

by Littered 6/27/2015

written by Littered

I’m 34. Female. Just a few years ago my brother punched me in the temple. He said, “You were raped. That was a long time ago. Get over it.”

I was raped (the one he knows about in college). I’ve been raped a few times since then. I’ve had multiple suicide attempts. I spent three days in the ICU this last time. Failed again, and then my brother has the gall to say that to me and hit me.

The conversation started when I invited him to do a mud run with my husband. He said, “I hate your fucking guts.”

Interesting. I never knew all these years […]

6/27/2015 3 comments

by Nihilism000 6/27/2015

written by Nihilism000

Have you become so focused on finding a way to get over depression that you have forgotten who you are? Like a hero that goes on a hard quest and becomes evil in the progression of that quest because he/she is so focused on that goal that nothing else matters to them.

6/27/2015 14 comments

I Have Been Seeing Things All Day

by Lovebug4142 6/27/2015

written by Lovebug4142

Like in the title of this post I have been seeing things All day. Not like a zombie standing in the kitchen or a ghost in my room, just weird little stuff. I watch my sisters during the day, and my youngest she’s 7 months, was still asleep in her crib so I was cleaning the room and I kid you not, I saw her laying face down on the floor in front of me. So of course I dropped what I was doing and went to go pick her up, only to realize it was a stuffed animal that looked NOTHING like a baby. […]

6/27/2015 2 comments

Stumbled across this gem on Bandcamp

by Rotted_Flesh 6/26/2015

written by Rotted_Flesh

Thought I’d take the effort to upload it to youtube, this song is just stunningly beautiful.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwzTEq9CUGQ

Lyrics:
Call me crazy but maybe this seems a little movie like
This whole saying goodbye
This whole frozen in time thing
“Well it’s better to have loved..” I keep telling myself
Well anything is better than this

There comes a time when you realise
That it’s better to let go of a dove than watch it become the vulture
We pray that this won’t eat us up

To every chapter written be thankful it was a part of the book at all

There’s a lot of blood in the ink
There’s […]

6/26/2015 2 comments

Can’t stand feeling lonely anymore

by teana 6/26/2015

written by teana

I’m alone all the time. Other people my age go out and have fun…I don’t have hardly any memories I can recall. I didn’t even do anything on my 21st birthday…was alone and depressed. Wouldn’t anyone think I was the most uninteresting, worthless person in the world if they knew I spend all my nights sitting alone on my bed at night, crying most of the time saturated in misery? Aren’t I wasting this precious life and youth I’ve been given? I would have friends and fun but I can’t. I don’t connect with anyone. I lost the guy I was in love with because I was […]

6/26/2015 3 comments

originally meant as a post not a reply

by absentlife 6/26/2015

written by absentlife

Its so strange that i have a wife and 2 beautiful children and to anyone else they would think i have nothing to be depressed about but it doesnt work like that, i do love my children but i dont chose to have the feelings i do, it just happens and i cannot shake the dark days.
I did love my wife and hope i still do, by that i mean the depression is so overpowering it can cloud how i really feel about people so i dont know my feelings which is worse than knowing you do or dont love someone.
I often feel […]

6/26/2015 1 comment

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