I’ve been at the gym for three hours. Just trying to keep moving, keep distracted.
Every time I slow down it catches up. Sinking feeling, a punch in the gut. Not for any particular reason, of course. That’s the worst part.
I know drowning is a cliche but that’s what it is. Just treading water. If you stop even for a second, you go under.
I know I fucked up my last chance with her… Why she added me in the first place, both of us have no idea. Show me the question mark already instead of tormenting me with false hope! Does she really think I LIKE hurting people!? That I’m one of those psychopaths that get a kick from hurting others! Tch, if that’s the case, someone please explain to me why I feel like shit whenever I hurt someone, why I feel remorseful that I can’t feel empathy for others, why I know I will never forgive myself for throwing away the best thing to ever happen […]
Imagine you are in an emotional crisis and you need to feel comfort and consolation, so you turn to the photo album you keep. You open it, hoping to find good memories from those few moments in the past when everything seemed okay, even if only for a short while.
But when you open the photo album, it is mostly blank and empty. 90% of the pictures have been removed, and you are left with nothing more than what your spotty memory can recall.
This is how I feel when I go back through SP, trying to re-live good memories from favorite fun conversations in the past– […]
I lost my soulmate.
I loved her with all of my heart. We’ve known each other for five and a half years and we were best friends. It was an online relationship and we were young so we weren’t serious about it. But a few years ago we realized we could really make this work and so we tried. We stood by each other through thick and thin, through the stress of me having a job and graduating high school and everything. I felt like I had the perfect future because we promised each other we would go to the same college and work in the […]
I’m wide awake. I’d rather be asleep but I’m having horrible allergies today. Spent a lot of time outside and the trees are greening up and flowering and I’m getting crazy spring allergies. Even with medication. I spent my outside time working on one of my gardens, this year I want to have two, one just for flowers and plants, the other for vegetables, fruits and herbs. I planted two hydrangeas and moved a bunch of plants to a different area. I don’t really have that much garden space so I have to be creative. I am so alive when I work outside in the […]
I’m dying inside. I am falling further into the dark abyss where my coping skills no longer help me function. I am calling my doctor in the morning, if he can’t help I’m done. I just don’t have it in me to keep this fight up. It’s hurting everyone I love. Everything that is living that comes across my path is tainted by my diseased mind. Of I’m going to cause pain and destruction anyway, I might as well do the final deed so they can mourn and move on. They may feel it’s selfish, but it’s the least selfish thing I can do at […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
You ever just wish there was a button that would end it all? I would have been dead a long time ago. I would be dying right now. My life just kind of hit the fan. I’m 32, my girlfriend/fiance of 4 years just broke up. I was a complete asshole so deserve the pain I am feeling right now. I think this must be the most depressed I have ever been. And I’ve been in the hospital 3 times for attempts…major failure at death apparently. I feel so utterly depressed about my situation that my mind is even too clouded to think seriously about […]
Hello. Lately I’ve been feeling less like a piece of shit than usual. However, I’m positive that I’ll have a freak out sooner or later. Since I’ve been on SP for a week I might as well talk about the first and only time I’ve ever attempted suicide. And by that I mean a half-baked attempt that would have just landed me in the hospital with a stomach ache or not even that. So this was a few years ago and my depression was the worse it had ever been. My parents had just got done yelling at me for a $20 dollar fee I […]
Hello guys. I don’t know where to start. This is my first post here.
I have borderline personality disorder and find it nearly impossible to have meaningful and healthy relationships. I feel so alone all the time and have no one I can talk to about it. When I try I get the stereotypical “try to be less negative.” This loneliness leads to hatred. Hatred of happy people. Hatred of laughing kids. Hatred of those with good jobs and loving girlfriends. Hatred of the world; and even more hatred for those who can’t see how fucked up it is. This hatred drove away my girlfriend, it […]
Just a picture I threw together on my phone in like ten minutes. But a bunch of shit in my life right now just became more shitty. And my mom was confused why I reacted the way I did because my life is just so great, at least she thinks. 1. She’s only there for the good parts. 2. She doesn’t know anything I’m dealing with. 3. I don’t have god shitting his shiny gold turds into my […]
Hey, just wanted to let you know here how much I appreciate everyone here. I think we all were looking for something unheard of in the real world when we joined up.
I also just wanted to let you know I read as many posts as I can and even though I don’t have the words to help most of the time, I do support you.
Thanks everyone who responds to my posts for putting up with my whining even though you clearly have your own trauma to deal with. I feel I don’t have a lot to offer in return. But sincerely, thank you.
Everyone seems pretty adamant I’m going to college tomorrow. They don’t understand that I don’t need college, I’m doing a bakery business and I’m going to write. Wasting my time and effort at college doing art is stupid when I could be writing, or starting up the bakery.
I gave a hint about me not going, and my mum blew up at me on several occasions today. Great. I need to just avoid it all week until Friday, and tell my therapist. She’ll get it across into my Mum’s thick skull that I don’t need college. I’m going to fail anyway so why drag it out […]
Ive been thinking about suicide for a few months now. I’m at that age where everybody I knew is getting their corporate jobs, getting married and moving away. I’ve been thinking about suicide because I’m such a piece of shit. Social anxiety makes it hard to get/keep a job. I sit on my couch all day wondering how nice it would be having a good job, a loving family and friends. My mom thinks I’m a failure and I believe it. The only thing that’s kept me from ending it all in the past was wondering if she’d be able to take the shock, but […]
Hi,
This is my first post on this website and I’m not usually the type of person who does that but I have no one left in my life to talk to so I guess I’m turning to you guys…. Anyways, the past few months have been pretty hard I went on an exchange in Italy which turned out to be the worst experience of my life because the family I stayed with was yelling at me and insulting me the whole time… So I came back home way earlier than I should have and that’s where everything started. This exchange completely destroyed me I had […]
I know I’m not exactly the most popular, the most interesting, the most insightful, or the most helpful. I know I don’t always post that often. I just wanted to thank everyone in the community for always being kind and considerate of me and thank those of you who read my posts, especially the ones that are so long they’re practically a novel. And thank everyone for their sharing themselves on this site and making me realize I’m not alone in this. I’m glad I have a place where I can share my feelings openly with people who can relate a little better than most. […]
I get the impression most people here are in the US?
A few months ago someone from New Zealand who like me suffered suicidal depression who I’d chatted to for quite a few years suddenly disappeared. He had enormous multiple problems and I’m pretty sure he has departed this life. I now realize that he was a big crutch for me to lean on and share our mutual pain. Since he disappeared I have become much much more distressed. I talk to other people in the same situation but none of them offers the solace this guy did.
hey i saw your suicide note in the scheduled.
are you still with us today ?
i would gladly to know about you ,would you stay for a while more…
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