Live fast, die young, and leave a good lookin corpse. That’s the way we always lived our lives growing up, some of us succeeded, some of us ( like myself ) didn’t. Oh I lived fast, ( still am ) but I didn’t die young, and let’s face it, the GOOD lookin corpse things went right out the window years ago. I grew up and still live in Detroit. Growing up we didn’t have anything but that didn’t matter cause we really didn’t need anything, hell there was no such thing as cable, or video games, we had hot wheels, the […]
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in the
My biggest fear is my life passing too quickly and not accomplishing anything. I hate waking up in the morning just to know that night will soon come . I feel like I am just present during my day to day lifestyle . I am not satisfied . I don’t care to see the same people everyday, or do the same activities . I hate repetition. I can’t live a life where I wake up to work everyday regurgitate the same bullshit the next day .
I would be happier if my lifestyle was different . But it’s unrealistic. My ideal lifestyle could never happen. […]
my husband asked me last night if I wanna go home ….when I said yes he did something really shocking and said OK he will talk to his mother and he will try to go home …good right …BUT…..wait for it………I will have to see what mom says OH MY FUCKING GOODNESS he can’t just tell hiss mother were going home after his birthday can’t do it….OHHHH and here’s another good one we might have to go back to FLORIDA because his car is there and its a hassle to get a shipper what dose he wan’t to do drive home in his two person […]
When you wake up with motivation to go out in the world and enjoy life, but then something makes you sad, and you can’t imagine moving ever again. I don’t know if this depression thing will ever go away.
Fist things first. Since this is a tale of redemption it needs a soundtrack. What better than Cordless’s ode to HDS:
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Hyper-Haze.mp3
Now for the tale…
Last May I was at the pet store buying kibble or something related to cats when I found myself staring at the feeder tank. For those folks unfamiliar with feeders they are these little goldfish that are sold to feed to other fish. They are considered throw away fish. I stood there for fifteen minutes watching these little fish swim around, crowded, frantic. They didn’t know their own fate, they only knew the tank they resided […]
Dear all,
I got the first email which someone had asked for help. Someone cannot take Depression anymore and wished to erase herself from existence. Due to privacy, I will not disclose the name. I wasn’t sure of what happened but I have replied the email, hoping to hear from the person soon. I am neither a psychologist nor a psychiatrist; I do not have the expertise in medication or knowledge of how to deal with Negativeness and by that, Depression or any of the problems that many are facing. I can only be a reader and/or a listener of your problems and challenges faced, be it created […]
I used to be happy. I used to be full of joy. I used to be bursting with life. What happened? What made me feel this way, living with so much hate and emptiness? I’m an average person with nice friends, a caring family, and an endless amount of love in their heart, right? Wrong. That’s what people think about me, that’s what people believe that I am. Sadly, they don’t know the real me. In reality, I’m a wreck. I have had depression for a month, suffer from anxiety attacks, and lack motivation, not to mention the constant emptiness I feel. I recently started […]
I woke up at 5:45 am from a bad dream and couldn’t fall back to sleep I was already exhausted from being up so early the day before and I went to sleep the night at 1:00 am . I ran a fair in Reno NV from 9:00 am till about 3:00 pm we closed up three hours earlier. the past two days I have been on a fair in the freezing temps yesterday snow today it was rain …the fair was packed with people and it was huge . I some how made 80$ today which beat my 35$ from yesterday .once I got […]
I’ve been crying more and more often. I’m going on 57 years old, I’ve been living with HIV for almost half of my life, and in recent years I’ve been becoming increasingly resigned to the prospect of finishing out the rest of my life alone and unloved. I’ve been in two 5-year relationships in the past, both with guys who knew of my HIV status and accepted it, but ultimately decided that the grass on the other side of the fence was just a bit greener. It’s been 12 years since I’ve had the simple pleasure of walking up in the morning WITH someone else.
A […]
I should be feeling something better than this. Just a few weeks away from getting that god forsaken undergraduate degree-in psychology no less. Registered for classes in the fall getting, a Masters in social work, I think. I don’t know what I want though. It is so anti-climactic. I feel pretty numb most the time because I am stuffing those feelings until after finals. My therapist mentioned self-sabotage last week, he kind of took it back this week though. Bought a house. Living alone, trying not to isolate, helps that my sister lives across the street. Honest though, I feel restless. Like I am waiting to […]
My stepdad’s been drinking all afternoon, and it took me 15 minutes to get him to leave me alone after my mum went to bed. I’m alone downstairs now. Left to dwell on the last few days.
I’m still insanely hyper, but at the same time I want to kill myself – not just having the thought pop into my head and then it leaves, I want to go out with my tools to somewhere remote and end it. And I think this is more serious than when I usually want to do it. I’m usually too depressed to move, which explains the lack of attempts […]
Why does it always come back? For awhile, things are okay…not as anxious, not as depressed, and then, like finding that letter you thought you’d mailed in your pocket…your heart sinks when you realize, you are standing in the same place you have already been… I thought I’d moved forward… Turns out, I was only dreaming
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Yesterday I went to my adult end center and my teacher says if I get a good score on the GED and SAT I could probably go to a university in the fall
As sick as it may sounds I may have to dich my whole family (siblings, cousins, parents) They never really cared anyhow.
My childhood dream is becoming a reality.
Another bottle to wash away this awful dream, Reminding me that I will never get to be with you. What am I suppose to do? Waking up in bed and I am still alone…
by Rotted_Flesh
written by Rotted_Flesh
Stuck in the void
You left me here
Trying to avoid the atmosphere.
Caught in the crowds
Your voice is so loud
But then it seems to disappear.
I bought the last thing that I fucking need
Another bottle to wash away this awful dream
Reminding me that I will never get to be with you
What am I suppose to do?
Waking up in bed and I am still alone
Spending countless hours staring at my phone.
I bought the last thing that I fucking need.
Stuck in the void
You left me here
Trying to avoid the atmosphere.
Caught in the crowds
Your voice […]
Today was a good day, got to pick up that special lady in my life. My 11 year old daughter, what a complete and wonderful BLESSING she is, and she can always bring me outta my funks. Nothing beats the pure and innocent love of a child, and it truly humbles me to know that there is still a love like that in the world. She doesn’t look at me like the guy who works all the time, or the guy in the Motorcycle Club, or the guy that used to be married to her momma, NOPE !!!!!!!! I’m […]
I am the fading light in the dawn of day after the beauty of colors has played.
I am the forever lost, the infinity darkness, the forgotten and misunderstood.
I will never be your dawn. I will be here until.
I was contemplating suicide, it still exists in the back of my head. A lot of days I have to fight with myself to keep me from cutting myself. The cutting would silence the voices in my head. Sometimes I think I was doing the cutting as practice for cutting my wrists. Every night I wish it to be my last night breathing. I pray to God every night that he will make it my last. Now on Sundays when I go up for communion I ask God to end this life I call living hell. The only good thing about going to work is […]
I’ve been at the gym for three hours. Just trying to keep moving, keep distracted.
Every time I slow down it catches up. Sinking feeling, a punch in the gut. Not for any particular reason, of course. That’s the worst part.
I know drowning is a cliche but that’s what it is. Just treading water. If you stop even for a second, you go under.
I know I fucked up my last chance with her… Why she added me in the first place, both of us have no idea. Show me the question mark already instead of tormenting me with false hope! Does she really think I LIKE hurting people!? That I’m one of those psychopaths that get a kick from hurting others! Tch, if that’s the case, someone please explain to me why I feel like shit whenever I hurt someone, why I feel remorseful that I can’t feel empathy for others, why I know I will never forgive myself for throwing away the best thing to ever happen […]