I’m contemplating, stewing, thinking, and I can’t see any exits. I’m poor; well-educated (I have two Bachelor’s degrees in different fields) but not in the right fields, too old to retrain in a new field, and crushed beneath a depression that I can’t get out from under. Soon I’ll be evicted, and my car will be repossessed; I’m in arrears on both, despite working every day. I can’t afford my anti-depressant medication. I can’t afford therapy. I’m divorced, have been for a while, and haven’t been on a date in years (not for lack of trying, but I’m a bit heavy, and I have the […]
Tag:
life is
I don’t know what I am going to write. I am very acutely aware of everything that happens in me. That’s my property, that’s my specialty. What I am incapable of is- changing it. Life is hell for person who knows he is a hypocrite. The loops and spirals this reflecting produces. An endless blame game. Yeah, I did it. I left this goddamned city one morning and went to the place from where Himalayas start. There they were, vast, majestic. Fuck it’s too embarrassing to even tell what happened next. I came back. Yes, I FUCKING CAME BACK. The loneliness that dawned to me, […]
so I met someone about a month ago and since then we’ve met and hung out a few times and talked consistently. All is well, and I don’t care if it doesn’t escalate. I’m happy being friends.
However, I feel like I’ve worn out my welcome. Conversations have become shorter and less frequent. Less uhh, ‘lovey dovey’ style. No more emojis or flirtatious conversations. Talking in general has almost come to a complete halt.
And by all means, it’s fine. Her life is not mine to keep. But still, it sucks gradually drifting especially with all the effort I try and put in.
I guess what I have […]
I really do wish that I’d never been born. It hasn’t been worth it. My life is like a super depressing foreign film that has no happy ending. Everyone I’m related to has a go nowhere life. I don’t know why they bother breeding they just add more pointless miserable people to the world. Genetically inferior stupid people shouldn’t be allowed to breed. I can’t believe anyone ever agreed to breed with my biological father, he’s hideous. I hate resembling him in any way. I hate being half Mexican, the men are always so ugly and short. My white relatives are all white trash. I […]
I have been terribly sick for 8 years. For this I couldn’t finish my study. Its a complicated sickness. The worst is every time i hope this is gonna be fine i am back to zero. I have gone through several surgeries. It was painful. I thought if I try to have a better life , a normal life I may have one day. Now I am all alone here, no family, no friends . A guy loves me, we are married for more than two years but we can’t be together because of this goddam sickness. I wanted to leave all these and go […]
I’m 21 im a male I can’t get a girlfriend cuz I feel like crap about myself my whole life is sucks and it’s not going to stop I even faked being optimistic to everyone but that just hurts so bad I just want to run away from my life and go somewhere else if what to do
Does anyone else go through the cycle of getting your life back on track and at that precise moment fucking it up all over again, then having to claw it back? I’m a middle aged person, somewhat successful in a career, yet never fully achieving my potential, really just getting by. I’ve suffered non specific, non diagnosable illness most of my adult life (ibs, cfs, etc) and have fought and fought and fought against them. On many occasions I have wanted out, and only came close once to attempting. I’ve done research and am confident I can do it if I have the resolve. Recently […]
It’s hard for me to BE here…It’s hard to BE a person. I’ve been sad, hurting and lonely for so long, it’s changed me…… Forever. I don’t say the right things. I talk to much when I’m with “people,” because I’ve been desperately alone suffering for so long. I WAS a people person. People are mean. Life is mean. Kids are mean. Husbands are mean. I feel like I’m never good enough, there is a list being written. It’s a long list of my faults, of my mistakes, of my inadequacy. It’s like the damn Grocery List my family keeps adding to. It gets longer […]
im so tired life is getting heavier and heavier my thoughts are getting worse and im so sick of bad thoughts. my medicine doesnt work at night.
Hi. Hopeful title I know.
So I’m a 21yo male with aspergers. I live with my mom, I can’t communicate, I have no friends, and I barely interact with my family. I do not want to feel happy, I want 100% with every fiber of my being to die. I’m not taking antidepressants because I figure if I’m sad all the time that will give me more of a motive to kill myself. I was on them for a while, and every time I tried to socialize I just got suicidal again. My dad is own antidepressants because I can’t hold a relationship with him.
You might […]
And that night, I turned my face towards the wall and cried. For the first time in my life I hated Shone. Hated him for blinding me, for tricking me into foolishly believing that life is a beautiful field of roses… that love is a wondrous bond. Hated myself for the choices I’ve made. Hated for being born. Hated my body for functioning normally. Hated everyone around me. Hatred surged through my veins, hot and angry, pulsing with every breath I take.
I want to die. I have to die. I will not stand another day, another night. I will not enter the hellhole in […]
Final Post: punk in drublic, and suicide as a pre and postmortem message
written by Disposable Human
Through separation and divorce I have lost everything other than court appointed contact with my family: the ex-wife/best friend, my son, my 2 dogs. It feels like the work I’ve done to try and make this all come together as a family was for nothing. And it was.
Two weeks ago, I shot .375 grams of pure crystal meth into my arm and gave myself tachycardia but died slowly enough for the doctors to save me.
Monday, my legal benzo analogues came in the mail. They’re like xanax on steroids. I took a couple handfuls (that stopped my heart) and then woke up today with no memory […]
my life is at bay nothing bad but the ache in my heart. i really miss him but he seems over me. i fucking knew one of us was gonna get too attached and it was me. dammit i just want to forget about him. go back the few weeks i fell for him and change how things happened. my only 2 friends are being supportive and keeping me busy. my mind always wonders to him. everyday i think about him and i go to walk up to him but i see that hes with hes friends and today he was with a girl so […]
it seems whole life is the procrastination of one single moment of nothingness, when lifes shows itself with it’s full absence of meaning. soon it will pass. and how does it pass will always remain a mistery. maybe we’re just so obsessed with meanings, and so willing to impose an identity and causality to the great plurality of existence. our stubborness is the very origin of our anguish.
but how can we accept the pluralism of existence, if our own words just arrests us into the everlasting nostalgia for an other world?
i just don’t know.
the question is what the fuck did happen with my life for […]
Locked in prison with no escape,
keeping track of long lost days.
Where will my weary soul reside,
when there is nothing left inside.
Who will wait my painful soul,
whose actions make me a fool.
Can I ever live with myself,
or in darknesss dwell.
Can the light of truth free me,
or all alone will i ever be.
The fate of my life is long gone,
for I have done to much wrong.
I posted this as a comment, but I just wanted to share it with others who might not read it.
I am still alive because of my curiosity. My life is shit right now, but it has to get better sometime, right? I just always tell myself that. It can’t always be like this. I wasn’t made to live this miserably forever. There’s no way. So my curiosity is, “I wonder when life is going to have that magical turning point for me. I wonder what’s going to be that turning point. What’s going to make me the ridiculously happy person I dream of being?”
So my advice to […]
There’s no walking out. We talked about the fiery deepest pits of hell. But even above here is also a fiery hell.
I don’t need to open the score anymore. I don’t need to study anymore. Or watch the news. Or take up any examination. It won’t make a difference. The end is crystal clear.
When you said my life would be in the dumps, I didn’t think you were serious.
So that is why my mother never put much hope in me. This life is a mess, and no amount of investment will change it.
That house, this house, that room, this room. It’s […]
Am I the only one to contemplate suicide based on philosophical considerations?
written by ThePhilosopher
Compared to some of the stories of unspeakable suffering on this site mine may seem almost frivolous at first glance but I assure you it is not frivolous to me.
I was born with a brain that seems tailor-made for science and philosophy. As a boy of 11 I acquired books about physics, cosmology and philosophy. I can’t say that I understood everything at that age (I am not a genius) but I understood quite a bit, certainly enough to get me hooked for life.
I was especially fascinated by questions about the origin of it all (Why is there anything at all and not nothing?) and […]
Sorry if this is a total ramble but nothing makes sense anymore & I need to talk to someone. My entire life is completely fucked. The crazy thing is, I have to best mates and a boyfriend that care about me (at least I think they do) but none of them understand. I mean really understand. My dad died 8 years ago, my 15 year old moved out 9 months ago to live with my ***** mother (don’t even get me started on that subject!), I’ve been forced to rent out my two bedrooms to cover the rent (I’m living in the lounge), I have […]
The moment you put a gun to your head and debate if your life is worth living through all the hard times is when you’ve hit the bottom. I’m sitting alone because no one can do anything to help me anymore. I can’t help myself anymore. I’ve tried for better days but it seems that my days keep getting worste. I’m tired, my body is tired of taking the pain that the world is throwing at me. You think divide is selfish? What is selfish is the people in this world pushing people to the point of sucked. I’m not going to discuss problems on […]