The moon and I have a unique relationship. I’m a cancer and cancers are called “moon babies”. I often stare at the moonlight. It’s fascinating to me. My dream life would be sitting on the moon, in the pouring rain, in quietness with my dog. I daydream about life being that simple.
Tag:
maybe
I’ve been in severe neuropathic pain for over a year and a half now and I just can’t take it anymore. I’ve tried killing myself by injecting air into my central line(permanent iv leading to my heart) but I just coughed all 100ccs right back out…then today I was planning on slitting my carotid artery with a large knife while I was cutting a watermelon(I have seizures so I was hoping maybe it would seem like an accident) but I got really woozy and shakey and backed out because I was worried that I’d cut the wrong thing and survive. I’d just go with ordering […]
On one of the spectrum, I am a depressive martyr, thinking thoughts of suicide 60% of the time. Hoping that a small fragment of happiness will bless my broken life. I still have hope that maybe one day it will change. I have found out that if you sit and wait for good things to happen, it usually never does, but I have also discovered when I try to make good things happen to me, it blows up in my face and I’m worse off than before. I don’t know why I came back here, did I thought it was going to make me feel […]
I think we all ask ourselves is what if we just hold on one more day, one more week, etc. It’s that natural survival question we all ask ourselves, and it’s probably while we are all still here today. I know it’s why I am. Those lonely nights I had dozens of bottles of stockpiled medications sitting right near my bedside, those nights I had access to firearms, those nights where I could’ve jumped off a tall building. I’m still here because I still have that survival instinct asking me what if? What if things get better one day? I know it’s not going to […]
That on my last night, I will be taking down a child molester. Yes maybe they were molested themselves, but they can’t keep on passing it down. I will do something good in my last moments.
I’ve been smoking cigarettes since I was in grade 7. Yep, that’s right, a 13 year old kid, smoking cigarettes. Now, I am in grade 9, and as much as I try to quit, I never can. I can’t get myself to not crave cigarettes anymore.
I always had thought that they would slowly kill me, but I guess they didn’t. They affect the way I do some things, like singing, or running – but they haven’t killed me yet.
Addiction is a hard thing to get over. Even now as I am writing this, my body is craving a cigarette. I know I need to […]
I have tried to hang in there as long as I could. Waited and waited for the only thing that could save me. But she (and them) chose to let me be. She didn’t find it in her heart to save the man that used to be her entire world. The man who did everything for her (and them) for 5 1/2 years. No, that must have never happened. Our relationship must have never existed. I, therefore, never existed.
It must be a heavy burden to carry. Being the one thing that can save a human life. And yet, when faced with the same choice in […]
“Him. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me. Everything was so perfect. He made it perfect. He meant the world to me. I actually felt like I would die for him. I felt it and I wasn’t even scared. Death has never scared me.
I experienced so many feelings. I felt happy. He was the only thing that mattered to me. Whenever I did something I always thought of him. I actually had the courage to see him everyday. I wasn’t embarrassed from sending so many messages to him.
I always wanted to be his friend. I tried but I never succeeded. He didn’t wanna […]
I just got out of the mental ward two days ago for downing thirty pills.but no one took that seriously so i was only there four days and one day in the er.today i find out that a guy i liked in high school is in the icu on breathing tubes cause he tried to kill himself and odd as it sounds i wish it could have been me.i wish i could be on breathing tubes dying.no one cared about my flawed attempt cause im a regular at the er if i was dying maybe someone would seriously help me but because i make flimsy […]
Im not being abused or anything terrible like some people are. So why am I so tired and it’s hard to get up out of bed in the morning because it’s hard.. It really is.. Every day looking in the mirror and seeing something I really hate.. Maybe I’ll get prettier in the future… No .. I don’t see any boys busting down the for me.. My sister constantly tells me I’m ugly… And the terrible thing is she’s right… I hope someone comes on this site and reads my post and it makes a difference in their life.. Sometimes I cut my arms legs […]
Like so many of the posts I read here, I simply don’t know what I hope to get out of wrighting this. Maybe it’s the knowing that unlike your faded and tear staind journal… Someone will see this. Some one might understand. Maybe it’s just satisfying the attention craving victim looking for emotional handouts… Who gives a shit
Unlike so many fellow souls spilling thier hearts out for the faceless masses to see I feel detached from the depression handbook. Aside from mild childhood depression and a exepionaly controling mother I’ve had it ok. Made the journey through highschool with honors and friends. Needed to shape […]
One’s problems don’t mean jack-s**t in the world.
Unless someone can make money off of it, or benefit in some way, it will remain useless and repelled.
Even a mother doesn’t care what her son’s been through.
Or maybe that’s just mine.
Yeah, probably just mine.
Man, I feel like I for once was right about something. This website is already proving amazing. My previous vent helped me through the day, and upon logging on again and seeing a couple encouraging comments, I feel I can fully breathe again. Well, at least for today.
Tomorrow is a different story, but we’ll talk about and deal with that when we get there. Seriously though, this website is my new go-to place. I’ve kept diaries in the past, but my older sister snoops through them and at times would have the nerve to leave comments she believed encouraging. On the contrary, they were quite […]
Everything is messy. It’s the messed up kind of messy, the disorganized messy, and the kind to be looked down upon.
I’ve come to realize a couple things. The things I think are not truly what I feel or what I believe in or how I am. I thought that the reason I cut myself was for the rush, but all my reasons for cutting feel like excuses and they often contradict each other. Willpower- I thought it had something to do with willpower. I thought it made me feel stronger if I could withstand greater pain (I’m fully aware that that is idiotic looking at […]
The only thing that meant to me before I met my love and my life quickly became complete nothingness and complete shit i wait everyday for that chance to prove myself and become one of the few the proud and before I know it I will maybe thats what keeps me going everyone could use some reason some motivation
Its something I’ve been thinking about for a while, while depression is not a recent phenomenon it is something that has seen a staggering rise in recent years, among all age groups. Perhaps it is a natural product of our evolution. In previous centuries humanity was heavily orientated around physical labor, be it farming, construction or whatever. In those times i believe physical illnesses were higher, naturally i believe the heavy basses of the hole physicality of the time bread those physical issues. I think humanity has reached its point in the evolutionary chain where our physical self has evolved to close to its end […]
She never introduced herself to you guys and I doubt anyone on here really
by misssK88
written by misssK88
But the username misssk88 was one of my best friends. I never got to tell her but I really did care about her… Fuck it, I loved her. I never got to tell her, might as well write it here. Anyway, she left most of her stuff to me in her actual suicide letter, which I may post here, but I still just feel really fucking weird about everything. I saw she frequented this site and for a second I got a sick feeling like maybe people on this site told her to do what she ended up doing… like some sort of weird site […]
Today I came across a post of a someone who said he’s changed, he’s unhappy and says that he has to wear his old happy mask in front of others..
And I’ve come to the conclusion that, maybe accepting the new mask and wearing it, as different and somber as it may be; forming a new life (which is a collection of ideas and actions) around the new mask is key to rebuilding one’s life – as opposed to living a lie with the old mask, the wrong mask.
How can anyone live comfortably or truthfully with a mask that […]
I just lost my fiance, house, kids, family and im done. Dont honestly know why im posting. Maybe just to get it out tgere and make it final
My math teacher invited me to go spend this weekend with her, she was been helping me alot. And the funny part is all this year I didn’t start liking her til about 3 weeks ago maybe, and now she is a BIG part of my life.
The weekend was fun, her family was very nice to me. Saturday went for a ride on the tractor with her and her dad and saw the horses. Then her dad took me on a motorcycle ride! Then came back and she took pictures of me with her new camera all over the place. It was fun. Last night […]