If I could try to describe the way I feel it would be like an egg without anything inside. Then imagine that same egg being put under intense pressure. smashed broken and shattered….Its like this feeling in the center of my chest….not physical pain….but it just feels like darkness and despair. Â I can laugh at things that make me laugh but its absent of happiness…. I cant genuinely smile at anything. I don’t appreciate or value anything life has to offer. The sunlight has become dull and gray and when its dull and gray outside that is sunshine to me. A flower looks like a […]
Tag:
Mirror
Tonight is the night. The night i feel the pain in my heart as my stomach turns. I cut my skin and the blood is slightly darker than normal. I look in the mirror and my eyes are coals, my hair is tar and the night is warm..stars twinkle “Do it”. Eyeing the scissors on my desk already bloody. What’s more blood? Transparent He appears to whisper how perfect tonight is…will I go through with it this time?
Drumroll please
The walls of this house haunt me…They reflect every memory and mistake. As a child, the pictures on the walls, made me feel lucky. Like I was truly loved. Sooner than a young child should, I learned they were the mask, the mask over an unhappy home. The pictures scream at me… Telling me, remember before? When you were innocent and things were simple… They also tell me, keep up this bravado, be strong even when the mirror breaks you down, when every word from her mouth is trashing you.
But.. in all honesty I AM TIRED OF TRYING TO BE BRAVE, putting up […]
As if the time goes “tick tock, tick tock†as if the seconds turn to minutes and the minutes turn to hours and then day by day the sun effects the way you live your life as if now….. You start to rot away!
You begin to write and you turn blank as if you forget how to breathe. You turn pale and flustered as if you turn and a train comes by and your life flashes before one eye…. Opens and you are starring into darkness.
You have horrible nightmares that make you never want to be alone. The darkness takes over your mind and surrounds […]
Right now, I really don’t see the reason for trying or for talking or for breathing. I’m just done. I’m tired of being not pretty enough. I’m tired of not being not skinny enough. I’m tired of not being perfect enough. I’m tired of being pushed around and being called those nasty names. I’m tired of not being good enough. And mostly, I’m tired of being tired. I don’t know why everybody hates me, or maybe I do because now I hate me too. I look at the mirror everyday and I cant look at that ugly looking piece of shit in the mirror. My “friends” […]
I’ve had depression for about 2 years now, and i finally thought i was actually getting better, until about 3 days ago…it all started again, the constant bullying, verbal abuse off family, I’ve lost practically all my friends…I get called ‘cutter’ or ‘suicidal freak’ at school, no one can accept me for who I am…I think about it every night. I stare at the bottles of pills, the razor blades and think should I do it? I’m not scared. I’m not scared whatsoever, its just like going into a long sleep and having an amazing dream, apart from you’ll never wake up, and tonight something […]
Hey, im back. I felt the need to take a rant. Read if you wish but if you dont i dont mind.
Its 1:04pm Sydney time and its Wednesday
So, over the course of 2 days, i have told my best guy mate that i started cutting and i was really giving up on life & personal stuf that was going on inside my head.
We played 21 questions the other night and i told him i would answer anything truthfully, and so i did. The questions started of as a joke but then got serious.
He asked ” why did you start cutting?” i told him that i […]
I’m not sure if I should post this but here is the list of why I want to kill myself
I wouldn’t think of killing myself if it was a temporary crisis
I feel so trapped in
1- my country
a woman in saudi arabia has no life at all only if she was lucky enough
in my case i don’t have the luck
women are not allowed to drive I’ve lost a job because I couldn’t find anyone to arrive me to workplace
and now I gave up trying to find a job .. it is like i don’t want to go through this again
anyway my dream is to continue my studying […]
So how many of you have gotten hate mail before? I bet a lot of you have and, let me tell you now, it isn’t fun right?
Honestly, I like getting hate mail because it shows how many judgmental sons of bitches are in this goddamn world. I’ve been told that my scars from self-harm/cutting were FAKE.
Seriously?! Do my fucking scars really look fake? What do I do, spend hours in front of the mirror drawing every single scar on my wrist, stomach, chest, shoulders, arms, thighs, legs, and ankles? I spend ten hours making sure each scar is there and then I cover it up […]
How long has it been, dear Lucy Blue?
Since the world gave up on you?
When there was nothing else to do
But toss and turn and ‘ventually fall through?
Lucy Blue, I see the glass.
“Did you break this mirror?” I ask.
Sadness follows the shadows cast
Along the wall and in your past.
Lucy Blue, how hard was it,
When they saw your wrist was bit?
A little mark, a tiny slit,
Your precious eyes have lost their glit’.
My Lucy Blue, why do you weep?
I know how hard it is to keep
On walking in the ocean deep
But soon I’ll lay you down […]
Im not gonna try to post something extremely witty and dark and intellectual and poetic.. i just cant sleep again and im hoping that posting this will clear my mind and i could get some advice from people who possibly feel the same way as me. I could list every terrible thing thats ever happened to me and all the times ive tried to kill myself and all the addictions ive had but thatd take too long and im tired and lazy. So basically, im depressed, im bipolar, im insecure, im lonely, and i feel like nobody cares about me apart from my immediate family. […]
You know, there’s something about depression that gets me… the way you are suddenly unable to see things clearly. It makes you ask why everyone stopped caring, and I wish I was told this when I was extremely depressed. Then again, that may have been the reason I learned it for myself…
Those people who you thought cared, and then abandoned you? It’s quite possible they actually did care, at least in the beginning. They saw something in you, and just because they chose to stop seeing it, doesn’t mean it’s not there anymore. It was there for them to see, and even if it’s not […]
Today was nothing special, the usual boring, stressful mess at work. However, it’s still the day that finally broke me down, though I’m not sure why. For roughly three years now, not a day has passed that I haven’t thought about death, but getting home today, I knew I couldn’t stand one more day of hating what I saw in the mirror.
I’m just drained mentally, and numb emotionally. I don’t live for myself, but exist from day to pointless day. Each day is just dull maintenance of my basic needs. I find no pleasure in life, nor is there anything I want out of it: […]
Back at the mirror, your good friend
Talk to the mirror, to play out your game
Slap in the middle, I stop then
Look at the winner, and the price you pay
Cold was the winter, I tremble
Long was the fall, that had no end
http://youtu.be/xgZ_HFJIGQw
Little by little, everything changes
Little by little, the time goes
Little by little, the days pass by
Little by little, the air clears
Little by little, I can breathe again
I can breathe again..
Well, I’ve been depressed for 6 months now. I’ve been on this site for 3 months. My life fell apart during the first month of this year. I’m cutting my loses and trying to move on. I’ve actually made attempts to try to better myself as a person. I’m been going to psychiatrist for 3 months. I’ve decided on taking driving courses. I’ve also went back to the gym. Still, life bullshit keeps raining down on me and I’m finding out that I am my biggest hurdle. I look in the mirror and I see an enemy. I’ve messed up more times then I can […]
life is a four letter word,
a four letter word that sometimes feels like its filled with empty meaning
hate
another four letter word that over powers the word life
love
a four letter word that doesnt get used often enough
ugly
a four letter word that controls the person who i see in the mirror
dumb
a four letter word that is the reason i dont see a reason for going to school
worthless
a nine letter word that defines all my feelings
Sometimes all we really want to do is shut out the world. Crawl into our bed, pull the blankets over our heads, and blast some depressing songs. I can completely relate to this. My parents say that i need to get out more and i need to come out of my room more frequently but my room is my sanctuary. It’s where i feel the safest. My blades, my “Torture Toys”, my laptop, my phone.. these are all in my room.
My boyfriend used to wonder why i dont talk much or why i look sad all the time. he didnt understand that i had just […]
I hold the thick black string around my neck. I stare in  the mirror at my face. It goes from pale, to red, to purplish- gray. I can’t breathe, and it’s peaceful. I don’t know why but for some reason choking myself helps. Even though I could go longer, I stop before I pass out so no one finds out, and I don’t get admitted into a hospital. This is what calms me down, this and cutting. Its messed up, I know.
first off, i just want to say that this may be provoking. sorry.
i have brunt myself, i have severly bruised myself, i have aerosol bruised myself. but i havent cut in over 3 months.
i used to be almost happy about my cuts. sometimes i would look in the mirror and smile at my pale thighs covered in red slashes , but other times i would stay up for hours at night crying into my pillow wishing they would dissapear. now im neither. the scars are starting to fade, but i know that i will have a constant reminder of my type of addiction
it feel like […]
does anybody know that alone feeling ? that feeling of feeling worthless the feeling of wanting to cry all the time because you are lost you dont know where you belong. you try to smile and laugh try to pretend to be happy but deep down inside you are screaming out screaming to be heard for them to see that all you long for is a hug that will make you feel so safe. crying these tears for no apparent reason, i feel empty i am a walking dead soul i look in the mirror and i dont see who i am . i see […]