i feel so emotionally numb last few days, these are the times i would usually cut but have managed not to. it feels like a thick cloud is hanging over me so i am in misery yet i am still numb, id rather be in pain, i would rather feel something, anything atall.
Tag:
Misery
I’m 56 years. The past 7 years have been to much. I tried so hard to get out of the pit of hell. I’m sure in part it was my own creation. I have no friends, no family. No one to love me and no one to love. Please Lord let the end come quick, I hate the pain and I have endured so much. The dream is over, only the night mire remains. I have struggled so hard to beat this, but the more I try the further in the pit I fall. I am now afraid to do anything for fear of falling in […]
Is it really selfish to kill oneself because you’ve had a lifetime of misery? Why is it ok to force someone to withstand many numerous years of unending misery to save a few people a few days or weeks of pain? I am a suicide survivor myself. I was 15 when my mother took her own life, and yes, I have remained angry with her for the last 13 years, but that was different. She had a 15 year old child and a 6 year old child she was responsible for. I have no children whatsoever, and don’t intend to have any. I recently tried […]
Well, the title explains it all. All is left is to fix a date to suicide. I can’t seem to find the courage because I have to leave my family behind. All I’m worried about is what if I survived? What if I’m there lying on the bed and looking at my parents looking at me with full of disappointment. I gotta make it successful. I can’t fail this time. This has to be done. I can’t wait to end the misery, but I just don’t know when. Now it does, because I’m gonna do it all alone, and nobody knows about it. I […]
Tear after the other, I failed to finish crying….
Keeping this mask on is draining my last bit of sanity..
Why is it when your sad you are always alone? Why is it that only I find pleasure in being there among those  who pretend to care?
Where is everyone now, when I am the one in need?
Been strong for so long, but loneliness has taken its toll on me, I dared to seek care… I dared to ask for tenderness.. I dared to imagine being loved.. But time after time, the nightmare kicked me in the guts, with phantoms of beings which never gave any of such …
Until..
I met […]
people as in my parents. fuck all they say is for me to shut up and im pathetic and uncaring. PLEASE MOM AND DAD GET A FUCK’N REALITY CHECK! i do care bout others, why dont they see that. cuz i dont cry when i hear bout death? sure i feel bad but death to me isnt sad, doesnt make me uncaring. i wish my parents can see the good in me i may not be amazing but at least i have something to offer to the world, my parents(mainly my mom) has put me on talking restriction for being to annoying im not allowed […]
People say if you kill yourself you will miss out on alot. Me all I have ever done is missed out on things. I missed out at socializing in a party cause I was to god damn scared, I missed out having a girlfriend all because I can’t read the signs, and I am missing out on seeing the life’s of 4/6 of my nieces and nephews whom I love dearly. All I am is just a zombie. Trying to make ends meat in this cruel world while struggling to know my difference with society and just waiting for someone or something to end it. I am […]
I’ve decided to let it all go, let everything that’s bothering me, go. I feel like I should be someone because of the people I know and the expectations that I perceive they have of me, but it’s all in my head. Ok, I’m sure it’s not all in my head or else I wouldn’t be writing this.
I love women, but I have nothing to offer. All I want is death and that supercedes just about everything I see and hear. Any desires, yearnings I might have, are outranked by my desire to not be.
I haven’t seen friends in months, recently started chatting […]
A few years ago, my business partner stole millions of dollars from me which forced the closing of the business that I spent my life building. Â Shortly thereafter, I turned to gambling out of desperation, and what little I had left after he stole the money has been consumed by it. Â It has destroyed my life, my family’s lives, and my career. Â I have stopped gambling, but the consequences have finally pushed me past my ability to cope with them. Â While I don’t necessarily want to die, I simply can’t deal with being asked literally 20 times or more per day for money that I […]
That shocked me. I’m not really suicidal, not really. I’m not brave enough to try. But my whole life, I’ve just been waiting to die. Because I don’t feel loveable. I feel like I exist just to bring misery to others, and that it’s my only purpose. My brothers called me Burden when I was little. I never wanted to be that. All I have ever wanted, my whole life, was for someone to look at me, and know me, from my charmingly crafted outer-persona to how I really feel, and just… Still like me. Still care about me. Every single person who I ever […]
The Minute I wake up I cry because I am so sick and tired of my life and how it has been lived. I wonder what I have done wrong in my life. You know I know that i am not perfect I never have claimed to me and I know for sure I will never claim the perfection of someone…. I am not flawless like others. When i look in the mirror I stare and cry some more because I am not that pretty skinny girl every one would love to be with..
I am not perfection because I have been through so much bullshit […]
So this is my first post and I don’t really know what to get out of this. I am young and some would say attractive. I have a husband, a son, and one on the way….so what is my problem? I feel selfish that I have these thoughts, these feelings. I AM AT A LOSS. I am in this losing battle. I live with my in-laws and many would say that that is my problem. They definitely play an important role in my misery. I have lived here for a year now and I can say that I actually hate them…I hate their voices and when I […]
There was always something inside of me saying I wasn’t good enough and that he would find someone else. I had the feeling deep down when he left that when he came back he would be different and that I wouldn’t be able to change that. I knew deep down that he didn’t love me and I was never really good enough. I was right, as usual. But I wish that this was a dream and I would wake up and see it was all fake. Somebody please shoot me because I can’t do this. Shoot me through the heart and put it out of […]
k I crushed pills… put them in a sandwich.. ick! threw it away and had to chug soda after the first bite. so I crushed even more and mixed it in with yogurt and it didn’t taste that bad so i took like one bite then went to get a drink and when I did my grandfather said we could go out for lunch. If he hadn’t, i would’ve finished the yogurt… oh well. I’m not worth them knowing my misery. they don’t care anyways… no one cares but my mom… What would she think? and my puppy in Florida too… I miss my Bella… […]
Since i was a kid, i was taught to always treat everyone nice, be helpful, and loving. That true joy comes from making others happy, that if you are good and nice, good things will reflect back on you, that the harder things are the better chance you got to prove how strong you are in fighting against the evilness of the world, i was trying to be the super hero which will spread love and care.
Myself always came second, didnt matter, as long as i can make those who i can happy, I can stand against those who hurt me.. The pain began ever […]
I feel for all of you here. I wish I could help you all escape the misery of this awful world! It is so hard in this world. I don’t know how I’m still here! My fear of death stops me from taking my life these days but boy do I think about it every fkn day. I have tried so many times in my past, to end this misery of a life, but UNFORTUNATELY I’m still here! I don’t want to be here anymore! Since childhood, I have tried to hold onto just the smallest amount of hope,that one day things will get better, […]
I am so tired, please can I sleep? I cannot take it anymore.
I search my entire life to find a home, somewhere, someone, to rest in. Why can’t the world let me be happy? Whenever I become happy about something, someone, I feel that everything goes out of its way to take that happiness away. This is why  it takes me a great amount of time to feel happy. But even still, you let it, them, into your arms again only to realize you were making it up the whole time. No matter how much you deserve happiness, nobody wants to give it to you.
Yesterday I […]
I want to share my story, of who I am and how I got here, but I can’t share it with those I know so this seemed like the next best thing. I don’t know who is out there reading this, or if anyone even will, but there is a comfort in sharing how I feel without fear of judgment or persecution.
I will start with the easiest parts. I am a 29 year old mother of 3, married to a great man, and working at my dream job. I volunteer at my church and also lead a girl scout troop. So […]
I’m pretty much as broken and useless as it’s possible to be. I can’t do anything right – not exaggerating, it’s the truth. I’m barely human and don’t really do the things that normal humans do or feel the way normal humans feel. When I’m hurt or frustrated I get angry – but real people don’t feel anger, don’t express those things. Real people are happy most of the time, not unhappy or angry most of the time. I’m just wrong. Broken. Unfit for human consumption. God I wish my mother had aborted me. What is the point of me? There is none. The worst […]
Things were starting to get better. It’s been almost two weeks since the last time I sliced myself. I finally told my dad to get me a therapist since my mom doesn’t give a shit. I guess my dad forgot about me again. Not a surprise, my family seems to forget about me alot. I even tell them I’m their forgotten child.
I really hate my family. Especially my mom. She thinks it’s hilarious to make fun of me. She’s over done it today. Haha very funny to make fun of your daughter in front of my dad and little brother. I always just […]