I’m so tired of it all. My mother is putting me under an enormous amount of pressure to get all of this school work done by the end of may, but I know I cannot do it. Even if I stopped talking to internet friends and reading, I would still not get it done in time. With one of my classes, which conveniently, is the hardest one for me, I can do it through the summer. But my mother came into my room last night screaming her head off about me finishing it and that I would not do it over the summer. She is […]
Tag:
Misery
I’m done. I haven’t felt this way since three months ago…the night I almost killed myself. (Blade wasn’t sharp enough for those of you who are wondering why I didn’t end up dieing)
I can’t feel this way anymore. Right now I feel no hope. I feel nothing but soooo much pain and hurt. I do feel bad for those who have tried to help…the minimum that there were. But really if they cared wouldn’t they want my misery ended? I’m so confused right now. If I thought I had no care for my personal self anymore well I was wrong cause I have even less […]
This quote is in several articles online about happiness.
“First, your brain adjusts feelings of happiness downward after you’ve reached some goal or other. It regulates the good feelings, presumably so that you have motivation to reach the next goal instead of just lounging by the pool for the rest of your days. “
Which can sort of be related to the Matrix quote
Agent Smith: “Did you know that the first Matrix was designed to be a perfect human world? Where none suffered, where everyone would be happy. It was a disaster. No one would accept the program. Entire crops were lost. Some believed we lacked the programming […]
I know it will it is just the details I want to fill in. I see knifes and I get ideas. I see my moms diabetic medication and I get ideas. I go to school I walk upon the top of the staircase and I see the bottom and I  get ideas.  I today held a knife and pointed it to my chest. I know I’m not afraid of dying. I’m sick of being treated like shit. I am infected with the misery decease which was stung into my heart by the needle of destruction. I see my money and I see guns online and I […]
Not very sure how very origional or long this post is gonna be, but screw it I guess.
My name isn’t very important, but I can say that I’m a girl in the ages between 15 and 20. I’ve been thinking of posting something here for awhile, but it just hasn’t happened until now. Anyway, I think I’ve hated my life pretty much since first or second grade, or that’s at least when my misery began. I’ve never been bullied though, up til that point I was rather popular and people would fight over who was going to play with me, that too caused some problems, […]
An email I chose not to send (altered to maintain anonymity):
I am going stir crazy. I really want to see you, but I can’t find a good excuse. Mom is psychologically abusing me, and I don’t think I can take it much longer. She constantly monitors me. She waits until there is no noise coming out of my room before she falls asleep. I don’t even think she sleeps most days. That would explain her insane need for productivity. I have no one to talk to at home who will listen to me and support me. I am trying to see my therapist here without […]
So another day has come and past, another pointless, meaningless empty feeling remains and all that is left is the cold embrace of an empty bed.
5 Suicide attempts, 2 last minute resuscitations in hospital, endless weeks in a psychiatric unit and each and every time come out feeling the same way and return to the same emptiness and nothingness that is my life. Medications make me feel numb, neither happy nor sad, just more of that feeling of nothingness, again. It is so ironic that ALL antidepressants just make you docile, slow, bored and unable to feel anything of meaning. I have decided that with […]
I don’t even know why I’m here right now, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I hear nothing but the same everyday, tedious, asinine commentary that hums along relentlessly. I have no one to talk to about anything remotely real or of any interest to me. I don’t care about anything; I just want this to be over. All I’m capable of feeling is misery, zombie-like boredom and some fake short-lived ecstacy . I just have no appreciation for life; absolutely nothing makes me feel genuinely happy. I’ve lived my life in those brief moments, however fleeting, and once I come down I only feel worse […]
Lost inside idk where to go
trapped with anger, lost of all hope
no finger pointing, only I who is to blame
Im shackled and caged filled FULL of rage
If I wrap this sheet around my neck
I can put water to the blaze
Satan got ahold of me, BOY is he vicious
gave up on myself, dont even care about christmas
miracles dont happen, so I accept my fate
trapped in my own mind there is no escape
razors and knives pierce thru my heart
misery filled conscience, stand alone in the dark
nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
failure hurts, I just want to die
written in summer of 2011, but just bought my charcoal grill […]
I hate this. I hate it all. Everything about life. And I just want to die.
I’m tired of being used. I’m tired of putting all my effort and heart into something and never having it work out my way. Not once. This life is crap. There’s no reason to live if all I’m going to experience is misery.
But I promised my best friend I would stay. Until at least the end of the year. And I don’t want to break that promise. She was so happy when I told her. So overjoyed. She hadn’t been honest with me about how upset she was over my […]
oh my, look at this. Ain’t this some fucked up shit? So now i sit here in the wreckage of what you have done, you added more scars to your only son.
Why cant you control yourself? Why do you always make my life Hell? I try to sit and picture death, to me it just sounds like the best.
I want to live, just not in this sequence. You mom, have always been my greatest weakness. I can’t sleep so I toss and turn. Imagining how great it would be, just to see it all burn.
My heart is beating, but im hardly alive. Life is a […]
I wish i had the courage to die, i wish i werent such a wimp and would just do the deed. I honestly can’t find a reason to live anymore. Any help i get is just a waste, any ‘hope’ story is just depressing. Everything is depressing. I just can’t take it. I can’t be honest with my therapist because she has proven how fast she’ll go and tell my dad. My dad is getting tired of taking me to therapy, i can tell he wants it to end but he doesnt get how bady i still need to go. my friends dont know the […]
I wrote that on my arm last time I was on a psych ward, and then was about to take my life when the girl with learning disabilities across the hall from me came and knocked on my door wanting me to do her nails. She had been through so much and we were friends, she really didn’t deserve to have to watch me be brought out in a body bag which would have happened right outside her room. So I held on for a while and now I feel the same hopelessness again, the same desperation I just wish there was a way to […]
This is not meant as a dramatic post. I just needed to talk to people who understood the kind of pain and depression that can lead to ending one’s own life. For those of you who aren’t sure, take a look deep inside of yourself as well as around you. Suicide is, of course, murder – but it is a strange kind of murder in which the murderer punishes himself/herself simultaneous with committing the crime. The two most important things to ask yourself are: (1) is there another answer? and (2) how many will I hurt by doing this?
I am NOT advocating against suicide – […]
I’m 30 years old, female. Ever since I was a child, I had a hard life (I prefer to not get into details about that). I never envisioned a real future for myself. While most kids thought about what they wanted to study in college or what they wanted to be when they grow up, there were only 2 things that I envisioned for myself: 1) jumping off high rise buildings to end the suffering, and 2) finding the love of my life to rescue me from this misery and live happily ever after. Well, I’m single now, went through 3 serious/heartbreaking relationships where the […]
well, it’s cause I have nowhere else to go; nothing else I want to do besides wallow in misery.
Or misanthropy. Misanthropy in me is more real than I ever thought. I could have sworn that I started having delusions and psychological disorders of my own accord, because I was bored and needed something to think about. I really do dislike people though. Not because I think they’re evil or destroying the world or anything, they’re just not my cup of tea.
People live through their mouths, always talking, always consuming; don’t they get tired? I’ve been tired going on 4 years now.
Or 3 years. […]
Oke. So last night one of my friends asked me if I wanted to join her to travel through Thailand for a month in the summer. I was looking myself for things to do in the summer. I don´t want to stay here, thats for sure. I thought maybe visit some family in Greece, but thats, just the same as always.
I would love to travel to Thailand actually. I would love to go to Australia and New zealand too, but that would be a different trip. Ive been talking about travelling and adventures my entire life, but since five years I guess (since the weed) […]
I’m 28 years old. Â I’ve been what I’d call a depressive since I was probably 14. Â I tried to kill myself when I was 16 by overdosing on my anti-depressants. Â I haven’t tried since, mainly because I saw what the first attempt did to my parents. Â I was very fortunate in my parents; they’re loving and supportive, and I probably wouldn’t be writing this if it wasn’t for them. Â I swore on my Grandmother’s grave that I would never try again. Â That vow has also helped stopped me. Â But it’s losing its effectiveness. Â I don’t see the point anymore. Â Why should […]
I can’t stop thinking, my mind is going a million miles per hour.
I can’t help but thinking that my time on this planet is coming closer and closer to the end.
Who cares about the other people in your life who might be “hurt” if you just kill yourself. They don’t give a fuck about you or your feelings while you’re alive so why should it matter when you die?
Do they ever stop to think of the kind of emotionall distress they put on us? If they really loved us things would be different. Hopefully they can keep in mind that suicide is […]
“some gaddamn time…a man’s due t’ stop arguin’ with hisself. feelin’ he’s twice the gaddamn fool he knows he is….’cos he can’t be somethin’ he tries to be every gaddamn day without once gettin’ to dinner time and not fuckin’ it up….i don’t wanna fight it no more. understan’ me charlie? an’ i don’t want you pissin’ in my ear about it. can you let me go to hell the way i want to?”
—wild bill hickcock, deadwood.
that’s the second to last post on my facebook page. Â only one person got what i was saying. but it was only after another conversation that it […]