My parents took me in. I have no idea how I got here. I can’t figure out how to care about anything. I miss my ex like crazy. It’s been a long time and I still wish I could have her back. We were together six years and I really thought it was going to be forever. Now I’ve had 3 jobs since last year and can’t seem to hold anything down. I really just still want to end it but I’m afraid and know it would kill my parents. I’m not sure anyone else would care and not sure how to make friends or […]
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my ex
Thanks to those that read my posts about my ex. And for all the advice I got. I am in a much better place now.
My last post about him was how I let him go. It’s been about a month now. I feel better. I’m still depressed, but not nearly as much. I don’t find myself crying anymore. I don’t feel like I want to die. I feel like I can breathe now. Love is something else. Loss is crazy. Loss hurts like nobody’s business.
I don’t know where we’re going to end up – my ex and I. I say that because even now, I […]
so I don’t know but I think I’m going insane.
I can’t sleep well at night; I have terrors and wake up tired.
And today I got and F on my test; which is so so weird because I studied hard and when I took it I felt really good about it. I thought I aced it.
And on top of that my ex is sending me horrible emails. ( I’ve been not responding because I just don’t want him in my life). He’s saying horrible mean things to me. Which is really random and just plain mean. Idk why he’s doing that.
I don’t […]
I just broke down crying in front of my mom, I never cry in front of her.
Okay, so I know I talk my ex incessantly, but I never talk about my real pain. I am a caretaker for my 70 year old mother. I forgot to schedule her transportation (because she’s wheelchair bound) for an appointment she has had for months with her pain doctor.
My brain is scattered. I can barely put on my shoes and yet I am bogged down with EVERYTHING. I have to do everything under the sun for her because she is disabled. I also run a business at home and […]
I know you guys have been listening to my bullshit about my ex for quite some time. I finally made a huge step in parting ways with him. I guess I have had enough… enough wanting him… enough trying to be his friend…
We just need to be done with each other.
I can’t even put into words how hard this is/was….
Thank you to everyone here that gave me advice and would listen to my rants.
I just have to tell someone this to get it out of my system. Lately I’ve been trying to work on myself. My life has been chaotic recently and lately I’ve been trying to take care of the chaos and I’m finally feeling a little bit better. When I used to have stress in my life I would turn to my ex to just distract myself from my life. Without him as a crutch I was feeling like I was going to lose my dam mind and like I couldn’t get a handle on anything. Me not being able to deal with stress without him […]
Today I skimmed and read and skimmed and read hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds of texts that my ex and I sent over the last year. They’re just there. In my phone. So much love. So much communication.
I know I need to delete it. I know I need to move on. What is wrong with me???
I succumbed to texting my ex. It’s a been almost 2 weeks since we vaguely texted each other. I told him that I need to be his friend and I asked him if he still even cared. He said “Yes, of course”. But he doesn’t act like it. He never asks me how I am or how my life is. It feels as if he is not my friend, not even a stranger on the street. Why am I hanging on to him like this? I’m actually starting to be completely turned off by him, sexually and in a friendly kind of way. Maybe this […]
I know I always talk about my ex, but I can’t help it. He is a piece of my depression. A huge piece. I just want to tell someone… I haven’t checked my text messages in 11 days. I turned alerts off. I don’t even know if I have any new messages. I quit cold turkey. It’s like smoking. If he were a cigarette, I would be 11 days cigarette free. The problem is I don’t know if other people are messaging me. It’s not a big deal, it’s not as if I have a ton of friends… they have other ways to get in […]
My vacation is over Friday. I don’t even want to get into specifics, but I’ll have more stress and more on my shoulders. I don’t know what this will do to my depression. Before, when I had this stress I had my ex to distract me and make my life feel better. I don’t have that now. I just feel so alone and so overwhelmed.
Had another one of those bizarre dreams; that kind where you imagine someone is laying down right next to you. It was my ex lover, that person I had so much to say to before our relationship crumbled but never did and will never get the chance to do so. Maybe that’s why I dream about her so much, I think we both felt there was something left we could’ve held onto. So now here I am dreaming about the good times we had.. holding her, kissing he passionately, so many memories of our souls connecting as one.. also it’s funny, how much I hate […]
Is what my ex would tell me when I exposed just how screwed up I really am. Generally, yes, I am too smart for this. All of us here seem very intelligent and bright. I can literally see how I am and I give others fantastic advice. But when it comes to myself, when it comes to literally being me, I am just broken. I know I don’t make any sense and I can tell you exactly how I don’t make sense, yet I can’t stop not making sense.
Sometimes his words ring in my ear… he’s right. He always was. But I can’t seem to […]
I know, you’re like “duh, why else would you be here?” But ugh.
Last night there was a spider on my ceiling and I had a legit panic attack. Usually I kill the spider, but it just made me think about my ex that would save the spider and put it outside. I got on my bed and tried so hard to kill the spider, but I couldn’t. I laid down my bed and stared at the spider as my breathing and heart rate increased. I was thinking that it was a poisonous spider that would kill me in my sleep. But isn’t that what I […]
I don’t know why I care so much, but yet I do. My ex is about to be homeless and penniless without a soul on earth around to help. He lives in Alaska so yeah pretty damn far away. His mom could pass away any day now. I’m scared of what could end up happening to him knowing his tendency to drink. He’s been sober for about 6 months just out of being penniless and having no way to get any money. I don’t want him in bad shape, in jail or dead. I’m so afraid for him and there’s nothing I can do.
Four years have passed since I last logged on here. I am still around and I wonder if Trent and jmvsic are around as well.
When I was last on, I was disconsolately picking up pieces of my heart that had been roundly drop kicked by my ex. My self-loathing was at an all time high. I had failed at relationships. And then I was failing at getting over that failure.
Life had become a monotonous track in my head around such familiar territories as: “WhyDoIStillLoveYousville” and “IAmTheWorst Town”.
Exactly two months after that I formed a reluctant crush on an a friend of a friend. One that […]
I went into the store tonight and bought some sleeping pills. I’ve done this before. But tonight feels different. I want to do it. But I’m scared. But I don’t want to live anymore. You see, I was raised a Christian. Tonight, my mom found out that I like girls. Well, I’m a girl. I had to tell her due to the fact she found out I skipped work tonight.. So I was already in trouble for that….. She asked me why I skipped and I tried to explain with the usual there was drama at work, but she wouldn’t let that be all. Probably […]
Mornings seem to be the worst.
At any rate I’m feeling upset, angry? that not just that my ex gave up on us, but that she (probably, I might be simply imagining that she feels that way) believes she had no choice. That there was no chance for us. That we (she?) wasn’t healthy enough.
I don’t believe this at all. I do not believe my being depressed and anxious means I can’t be in a relationship, or have a healthy one. My ex and I had this one issue, serious enough for her to leave me, but- even she said this- we were amazing in every other […]
I got my dog back.
At least I think so. My ex just dropped her off at my parents’ house, barely saying anything to my mom. I assume this means she’s my dog again, because coming back to get her as if I were just babysitting- that would be so cruel and I don’t believe my ex could ever be cruel.
I’m thrilled to have her back, but confused to how I got her. It shouldn’t matter- I can’t get my ex to want to be with me again, so it shouldn’t matter what she thinks of me, right? Except maybe in terms of friendship, but that’s at […]
I feel better (?) but I still hate my life. Why is it that I had a good life (for the last 3 years anyway) when depressed, but have a life I hate while less depressed? I wish my ex had the chance to know me like this, that I had a chance to feel less depressed and be happy with my life at the same time, even if it wasn’t for long. If only I had gotten treatment, real treatment, sooner- everything would be so different.
I am so lonely without my ex. I don’t feel like I’ll ever meet someone I love as much as her […]
The regret and sadness is really hard today (and most days). Things could be so different, better- maybe not good, but better.
As it is, I may never see my ex again. She’s my best friend, despite everything that’s happened, still the best relationship I’ve ever had. I can only hope that after some time she might be willing to speak to me. It’s so painful to think that if I had just left things alone, if I hadn’t forced her to speak to me, then we might’ve actually started talking again in February.
And I still would’ve had my dog, my baby. This hurts so much. […]
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