I thought by coming across a site like this would enable me to actually be able to rant about something, anything, so that my mind would be clear for a moment. But sitting here, typing this out, I’m struggling with how to put into words something which might catch someone’s attention who may be going through something similar. Someone I can relate to. The majority of people on here I suppose will all have similar background stories or specific tragedies which crossover with someone else’s, and so a relationship forms as these crossover people discover each other and help. My issue is; despite knowing the […]
I was up all night, feeling like the worst person ever. And why? Because I’ve lost my SS card and birth certificate. I was/ am mad because I had had it in a box, sorted that box and now, poof! Lost them!
I am going to be okay. I always am. I even called my crisis line and told them all my problems and all about how I was going to fix them. I must be superman. Well, superwoman. But ya know…
All the negative feelings are from long ago. So sad inside. Hurting so much and nobody, I mean nobody knows in my family. My friends […]
Im not well, i suffer for bipola-disorder and last tuesday i had my first mental breakdown in over two years i was so scared but i had nobody there i contacted my fiance but she had just finnished work and said she was going out with her colleuges we didnt talk after this really till monday when she confessed 3 things …
– She has sexual feelings towards a co-worker. And it he asked on the tuesday night she would have gone home with him.
– When down town she gets alot of attention and she likes it.
– She made out with her assistant […]
Is it bad that I know where the key is at for my dads guns? Is it bad I got a refil on my medicine and I’m willing to shallow it all? Is it bad that this might be my last night alive?
That on my last night, I will be taking down a child molester. Yes maybe they were molested themselves, but they can’t keep on passing it down. I will do something good in my last moments.
I really don’t want to die but I feel like it’s the only thing I can do to escape everything that haunts me in my head and my life. I just can’t stand my thoughts and insecurities, therapy and medication are a bunch of horseshit I know this firsthand as I’ve been on countless medications etc. The only thing that breeds a positive change are life CHANGES and improvement. Nothing gets better if nothing ever changes. I don’t want to fucking hold myself back anymore, I want to be free. I feel like I’m imprisoned in my mind and it’s been too long like this, […]
So my ex dumped me about two weeks tomorrow and I have to say I fucked up all of those two weeks, the first week I went to my grandmas and I went to a cherokee bonfire with a couple of friends from there and I met on of my ex boyfriend from second grade, he got me drunk like hardcore drunk but that’s because what I told him about my situation with my current ex boyfriend, later that night he toke me to my uncles cause I was beyond drunk and we fucked. I feel bad because I’m in love with my ex and […]
I myself love to be hated! 37, have TBI from a motorcycle accident at 33. Hate coming here but I do daily to see how others are worse off than I. I thrive on booze, weed and some occasional blow. Oh and tattoos when I can afford them (disability pays shit) whatever, I do not expect anyone to give a fuck about my whoes however I sleep next to a loaded gun every night, don’t have the balls to turn it on myself but hope for a confrontation with whomever (cops preferably) for murder/suicide. Don’t expect anyone to give a shit, haven’t seen ***** […]
Haven’t posted in a long time. Been busy making preparations for my next (hopefully last) attempt at ending it all. Lately have had time to only read a few posts and leave a comment or two.
I was thinking earlier how long it has been since the last time I can remember being myself. Not this broken down version I have become. The old me. The real me. The human me. Not the zombie I have been the last year.
Those of you that have followed my posts, know my story well. My ex-fiancée and her kids abandoned me and erased me from their lives. She went […]
Depression is not Lana Del Rey songs with tears streaming down your face. Its not a blood stained tub with blades all over the floor. Its not a boy rocking you back and forth as he whispers “I love you” a million times in your ear. Depression is disgusting. A low feeling. Not something that is beautiful and poetic. It is a dirty feeling. It is you sitting in a tub with scolding hot water trying to burn the feeling away. It is the stale smell of the clothes in your room because you have no energy to clean it. It is laying awake at […]
I honestly have stopped caring about what anybody has to say about me . I plan on leaving soon I’m doing my best at enjoying my last days ( but of course I am not) my mom has been rubbing my mistakes in my face and she’s really just making this living hell. I am really not close with my siblings or father because I am 17 and under 18 I can not do as I please. This last year I have been in the hospital twice for suicide attempts and I have been a rebel with my mom …. She tries to control […]
Not sure how it started, but I lost control last night. I’ve been battling with depression for a long time, only attempted suicide once before. I guess after a lifetime of never feeling good enough, I had a moment of weakness and fell off the wagon. I drank over half a bottle of 100-proof vodka and then downed about 600mg ambien and 20 hydrocodone/acetomenophin (5/325mg) pills. On top of my normal dose of anti-depressants. I have to admit I felt pretty good for a while there, and then passed out somewhere along the way.
I woke up a few hours ago and have been puking almost […]
I was always alone as a kid. I never knew my dad (I’m pretty sure I was artificially inseminated), my sisters ran away from home, and my mom worked two jobs and vented her frustrations on me. I never really knew how to have friends, but I always tried to talk to other kids. It never worked.
I saw people who had “best friends” and big brother, and I wanted those things so badly. I’d go home and just imagine what he’d be like: strong, smart, funny, and like all the music and video games that I did.
When I was turning 17, a mere 10 days […]
It’s funny how I ask to be normal. I wanna do normal shxt.
Like I wanna have a normal day. Get out of bed, shower, eat, go to work, come home and go to sleep. I can’t even do this.
My day is more like wake up crying [cause I wish I were dead] cry in the shower and don’t wanna eat. Call in because I’m too sad to work or go to work and cry. Then have insomnia all night.
Ppl take for granted the ability to have a simple day.
Anxiety, you’re an asshole. You don’t give me comfort and I’d rather see you go but you don’t. You’re trying to find happiness clinging to me? We’ll you can’t have it, it’s mine now and I refuse to hand it over. Who are you? To alter my life like it’s your own. We’ll I’ve had it, I’m about to let go of everything you’ve ever known. Why? Cause I don’t need you anymore anxiety, you’re tragic. Everywhere you go, you go bringing havoc. I’m done anxiety, trying to see while you blind me in the night with your fears. I won’t shed no more tears […]
These past few days I’ve been so different. I’ve been getting really irritated. I can just snap easily. Whenever I’m like this I feel like I have no control and that the person I used to be is long gone. It feels like the voices took over and I’m long gone. It’s so hard to explain. I’m a totally different person.
The other night, as I laid in bed, I started saying some prayers and I started talking to mom and while I spoke I felt evil. I felt like I was gone. Like the girl that I used to be didn’t exist anymore. I don’t know […]
I am so sick of people thinking I know of what i want to do but that isn’t the only thing. I wish he would get that through his god damn thick skull. I lost all interest and passion in broadcasting. It was fun and interesting 7 years ago but this semester ruined it for me in a radio class I took. All I wanna do is be an artist be able to express myself through my art work and make a living out of it. But the chances of that are slim… The argument got so nasty last night by the end of the […]
Friday night I was really lonely and texted everyone I know who goes to my college to find someone to hang out with, or even just to come outside for a little bit to have a cigarette. It wasn’t that late, around 11, and not one of the 10 people I texted wanted to or could. Then one friend texts back and invites me to his friends. We just played pong and drank beers all night, and eventually my friend went home; his other friend was going to walk me home because it’s not a good area to walk around alone. It’s around 2am, his […]
And I can’t make myself study for any of them, I just don’t have the energy. It takes every bit of strength I have just to climb out of bed in the morning. This is bullshit, I’m thinking this summer will be my last. I’m gonna go visit some family on the other side of the country, come back to CA to pick up my crossbow and hike far enough into the woods that the smell of my rotting corpse won’t bother anyone, then I’ll put a bolt through my skull. May seem excessive, but I’ve survived ODing twice and an attempted hanging, so this […]
I went driving. Thinking “how fast do i need to drive into this tree to kill me and cash.” [cash is my dog by the way] What kept running through my head was my baby. I cant leave him but i don’t have the heart to kill him.
I shoulda drove off the road that night.
Its hard to fight depression man. Its like it creeps up and takes over. And im doin what im supposed to but when im alone, my mind wonders. I get sad. I have thoughts. I hate bein alone.
I got my whole world wrapped up in a dog. When […]