“Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to a job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it.”
-Ellen Goodman
Been lurking on and off in the dark periods of life for years, now I’m looking for some advice.
I’m m27 and probably been depressed more or less for 10 years+. I’m finally getting some help and facing a lot of fears and problems that I’ve ignored. Due to being depressed and that leading to anxiety and some degree of isolation how do you return to normal life and in particular dating when you feel like you cant tell anybody about the last 10 years because you fucked up everything by either being sad, selfdestructive or wasted?
I was bullied since elementary school,because im ugly,i’ve got a big nose and people make fun of it and I really hate it. I wanted to get a job so I could have a rhino plasty,but I didn’t get the job I wanted and other jobs are not really fit for me. All of my friends have a good life,have boyfriends and I got nothing,only my big nose. I hate myself and I feel like im not worth it. I feel like I can’t do this anymore, I tried to talk to my sister about rhino plasty but she said I souldn’t care what other […]
Two days of feeling “normal” and I’m done.
Thank goodness it is done. Two days of just walking around without needing to paint or write. Initially I felt peaceful. Then I missed it.
Two days of empty peace. Not lonely, not manic. Sitting for the sake of sitting. No revelations. No spiritual plunging into cool bodies of water.
I feel like an imposter sometimes here. I rarely think of killing myself. It is more that […]
Everytime I go outside and see normal happy people it shakes me up inside. I press my lips together, and shut my eyes in tension. All the people that I used to know, just normal guys got it all. Money, house, car, relationship/marriage. Everything. All these people were just normal, nothing special, most were dumber than me academically, similar or worse socially. Many were younger. Yet all of them got it all together, got awesome jobs, get paid well. Got everything. Why is it that everytime I try to do something I fail? I do great with things, any complex problem I can solve as […]
My life is a complete failure. I have failed by every standard I or anyone else can devise. I have failed as a human being.
And that hurts. Any contact with other people inevitably opens me up to comparison, and I always fall short. Knowing that the best I can hope for from anyone is pity. And I stress myself out a huge amount, trying to figure out ways I can somehow measure up.
But the truth is, there is no way, and there never was. I was always several steps behind, with a disposition to turn my inadequacies into neurotic obsessions, and hamper myself further. And […]
I’m not sure if the way I perceive it is normal, so can you all let me know on this? I usually don’t have an innate sense of if something that happened was 3 days ago or 3 weeks ago. I have to go by numerical dates, or if I don’t have those, I have to carefully go through the logical sequence of events and match up specific events before and after whatever I’m thinking of, and find numerical dates for those so that I can come up with a range and figure out when it was.
I can mostly remember things that happened yesterday as definitely having been yesterday, […]
Uncertainty is probably the thing I hate most about life. Or maybe it’s feelings. If I had no feelings, or if I could regulate them like a normal person, uncertainty wouldn’t bother me. I often beat myself up or behave self-destructively because even though it makes me feel miserable, I’m in control of that misery. Which often seems infinitely preferable to taking a risk and making myself vulnerable to acute uncontrollable emotional pain.
I have to make a big decision by tomorrow about my next job. A lot of people would probably want to be in my situation, but I can’t stop dwelling on the downside […]
Damn it’s hard to try live like normal people I feel myself slowly slipping back into that dark place been trying to fight it and I still will but time will tell how things will go how is everyone doing today u know when u got so much on your mind that your mind goes blank and your body is on autopilot that’s how I feel
I have a question for everyone on here. I’ve been dealing with suicidal thoughts and depression and anxiety shit for about a year now. Whenever I have a good day (though those are extremely rare), I find myself missing the mental state I am comfortable in–the state where thoughts of suicide and self harm control me. Does that happen to anyone else? Does anyone else purposefully trigger themselves to be in a depressive state when they are in a “normal,” good, happy mood? Or is that just me? I don’t know why I do it…but I do. Sometimes I am mad at myself for doing. Other […]
I’ve been away from sp bc I was staying with family to help my mom who was here (NY) from Florida. I got home yesterday and I haven’t moved from my couch since except for the bathroom. I haven’t showered, eaten, unpacked my bags or done anything. I’m starving but I don’t care. I don’t even have the will to get up and eat. I see no point to doing a damn thing. I wonder how long it would take for me to starve to death. Probably too long. I’m just lying here staring at the wall. I feel paralyzed by hopelessness. How does one […]
I don’t think I’m able to do this thing called life. There is so many aspects of it that I’m either soooo bad at or I can’t do it. From connecting to people to trying to accomplish the simplest things.
Why can’t I just be normal?
(Today) I realized that I’m an ungrateful child.
It’s because since my mom died, I started wanting more than what I already have. It’s because I envy other kids that have both parents and siblings; it’s wanting a nicer house, nicer things. I just don’t want to be me as I hate myself. I just don’t want what I have, and I thought I was grateful for what has been given to me, but it’s not like that.
I don’t want to live with my aunt and uncle; I want real parents too. I want brothers and sisters. I want a nicer phone; I want to be […]
No one can adequatly explain what i’ve been through, not even I. The stress, trauma, isolation… the daily thoughts that run through my head. I already know that I simply won’t make it for much longer let alone old age. I’m tired of life and want to sleep.
I met with my 3rd therapist who confirmed, yet again, that my life’s experiences fall outside of the normal paradigm. It isnt so much that these things occured but rather the psychological impact of such. I’m tired of trying. So very very tired.
How can my mind get any better when there is so much negative experience constantly happening. I remember before my first bouts of depressions and I wasn’t normal then. Me at my best wasn’t enough for me to have a good healthy life, why would me after all this struggle be any good? I want good enough then, now I’m beyond bad
My goals are simple now, I just have to have the courage or order a couple of things. Just wish it was cheaper
Just do it and don’t look back
I’m running out of options and reasons to live I might have to go see a psychic as believe in them and spirality energy etc and if they don’t tell me anything dramatic or life changing in a good way I think I’m going to have to call it a day and plann it out properly because iv had enough of being depressed this is not Living Fucking Life this is survival so what’s the point I think my best bet is go see a psychic plan and pick my method and self myself a time line
because let’s face it winning the lottery isn’t going […]
Maybe there is somebody who has the same problem or knows, what to do in a situation like this.
I think you don’t know me and my last posts. So I don’t want to talkt too much, I was abused by my dad. It’s for 5 years now, maybe 4 oder 6 I’m not sure. I was too young, to understand, what and why he does something like that. I thought […]
I’ve come to a conclusion about a lifelong question. Where is all this hardship coming from. I wondered why there is always difficulty, frustration and then the inevitable pain in so many aspects of life. I first thought that world was just bull shit and it was or duty to find and fix all the issues. But recently I have found out that I’m the one with the issues.
Discovering this I wanted to change and be like others, to be normal. I realized that me being against the world was the whole chicken and egg thing. I’m not stuck in this mess because I’m against […]
I’m trying to quit only because if I carry on this way people are going to notice eventually. No one knows but my therapist, who I told because I can’t make myself stop and am hoping she can help me stop. But I love it so, so much. I love the pain and watching the blood, I love feeling like for once I’ve done enough, I’ve made up for my mistakes, I love having flexing my arm during day-to-day life later and having it twinge, I love it all. The only nuisance is people noticing. If not for that I could probably sit and cut […]
I knew the good mood wouldn’t last like I said yesterday it wouldn’t last and it didn’t I’m back normal as I call it depressed as hell wishing Monday actually went as planned and well it’s the first day of summer with no plans not looking forward to it at all being suicidal is hard work not knowing when your last day will be u can act on impulse and not plan at any given moment and end up in hospital again I hope next time it’s in a body bag because life is hard and it’s not getting easier sigh
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