God if i had a method I’d join the recently departed. Im just tired of fighting for nothing. The light at the end of the tunnel is broken. I know someone here recently gpt hit by a train and survived. I believe within the next 10 to 15 years suicide will be the number one cause of death. The world is to much mentally. Humans were literally less stressed when we were being chased by bears. Think about that. When life was more primitive. I cant find the TED talk that backs that up. They compared our cortisol levels to that of tribesmen who live […]
Tag:
nothing
I’ve tried and tried and tried and nothing ever seems to get better. The universe is conspiring against me.
Fuck it. I’m too tired to play this game anymore. I’m out.
This is a first, reaching out because I’ve reached my end thinking this is going to take so much energy to write and expecting no response it hardly seems worth the effort. I’m a walking contradiction… I’ve read a few enteries and like some of you, I suffered a horribly abusive childhood however I can’t get over it. That said, I’m house bound, self inflicted. I haven’t left my house in ages, afraid of being judged, having to talk, seeing someone I know and having to pretend that my life is perfect which it isn’t. I’ve lots of bad habits, one of many is talking […]
Okay, so maybe this is a bit unfair of me to ask at this moment in time…..as I haven’t never posted till tonight. BUT:
Have any of you ever really felt numb? I thought I had and I had to some rearguards….however tonight and as of this week, I realize something more.
And pls forgive me ahead of time, I have been drinking, but this is something I have found this past week…and I am sitting here…still waiting for my CHURRO!!! As if anyone can hear me, while the band is playing loud and I have turned down several offers of dances….I should probably take someone up […]
Hey guys. I’m new to this place but I thought I might share something I wrote a couple weeks back. I read someone’s post online saying he was going to commit suicide that day, and I felt this rush of empathetic love toward him. It led me to write a passage about depression.
A very short background about me: I’m a junior in college. Five years ago, I went through a two-year-long period of depression. I attempted suicide in the summer going into my sophomore year of high school. Since then, life has gotten increasingly better each year and I’m eternally grateful that I didn’t succeed […]
Is there a point of living life when nothing interests/satisfies you? I don’t think so. 24/7 bored, I blame who I am
I’m deciding whether to kill myself. I have struggled with depression for a long time. I have seen many therapists, and nothing helps. I couldn’t even get an appointment with a psychiatrist. I had to call for months and I finally got an appointment in another week. I don’t know if I will still be around then.
I talked to the mental health department and told them I was considering killing myself. They said good luck.
The thing is there is nothing really wrong with my life. I don’t have any real hardships besides depression, anxiety, and being fat. My meaning is I don’t have a reason […]
last time i wrote here was on my 15th birthday, probably the worst birthday ever because no one showed up to the party. There was this nice guy i think, seesmith, who really inspired me with his words- he told me to be my true self even tho it’s a painful process. So that’s what i did. I took a step back. I didn’t talk to my “friends” for three months now and no one cares how i’m doing. The people i called friends doesn’t really care. I feel really lonely. I eat nothing and sleep all day so i can avoid the loneliness. My […]
I’m nearly 50, alone, poor and think about suicide every single day. I work hard, I am intelligent, I have had previous success in my life, but my line of work is extremely competitive and I must battle for even marginal pay. I live in a hovel, have no heating (even my space heater causes my powerstrip to overload, so my electricity is problematic), I work seven days a week and have done so for more than five years now. I have not even taken a minor vacation of one day since December 2010 so I am in my apartment constantly ( I work from […]
the last time i posted here my mom had just passed away. that was november 18. january 13 my dad died. to say i am overwhelmed would be an understatement. the monumental task of dealing with one unexpected death becomes herculean with two. at age 45 i am essentially an orphan. and i feel so alone. the busyness of making funeral arrangements, visitation, funeral etc etc gives way to the utter loneliness and despair of everyday life. everyone goes back to their lives. everyone just tries to go on like nothing ever happened. they forget. i wish i could. i got sent home from work […]
I apologize about what I said before in a fit of passion. My emotional detachment wasn’t at its best that day. I realize my error in taking several minutes to compose posts/comments without checking the updates of other posts/comments. Although to be honest, I don’t know why I write most of the stuff I do. It’s not like I’m going to enlighten some government official about how backwards some of the U.S. policies are or get some member to develop a crush on me. Heh, I guess I’m nothing more than a heretic disgusted by their country and species… I feel like laughing.
IF YOU ACTUALLY READ THIS POST, READ THIS SECTION IN BOLD FIRST:
I found this in an old notebook dated May 27th 2015 and I decided to type it out to keep it documented since I need to destroy the notebook before my family see it and hand it to my psychiatrist.
It contradicts quite a lot, and it’s extremely confusing. I don’t remember writing any of this. I can only assume I wrote it during a time when I was too ‘in-tune’ with my hallucinations to understand what I was doing.
The contradictions may be different voices and/or demons/figures arguing with one another, I don’t know […]
I was standing outside staring at a tree and realized that tree was doing more for the world than I am. There’s no reason for me to be here I have nothing to offer. My life’s a joke.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
i feel empty
i feel nothing
i feel like nothing
there’s a void
a hole
and i don’t know how to fill it
how to fill this hole inside me
so deep
and dark
i feel no fear
i feel no sadness
i feel no happiness
no life
who am i???
Past few days were mentally challenging.
But I am feeling okay now.
I am glad, I did nothing stupid.
Thank you guys for your generous support.
Happiness & Peace for all of you guys. 🙂
Getting lost in fantasy is how I get through most of my day. I always imagine myself being a vigilante bringing criminals to justice, a mutant who can walk through walls and a drop dead gorgeous guy who dates lots of hot people ( I am Bi-sexual). Fantasy gets me through my miserable daily existence but the inability to actually live out my fantasies worsens my depression.
In Real life I am an absolute W.O.S. My anxiety is always flaring and it impedes my participation in life as a functional adult. I also lack the knack to be competitive in life. I live vicariously through pessimistic and fatalistic […]
It’s been a really shitty past couple of days.
I have realized that absolutely nothing makes me happy anymore.
I see and feel no point to anything that i do.
I hate going to class, i don’t care about my job.
I don’t have the ability to feel anything.
I don’t know why i haven’t left already.
Where is the sunshine?
The end of the pain?
Because I am damaged,
I can’t stand in the rain.
The skies have been dark.
The wind is still whipping.
How am I standing?
What keeps me from tipping?
Because i am damaged,
My limbs tatered and broken,
The life that lived in me
Is now slowly chokin (g).
The storm pushes on with violence and fury.
My leaves are all falling,
Like the snow in a flurry.
No where to turn,
No where to go.
Im beat up, run down, and standing alone.
Even in this forrest that i call my home.
Ive always been told “You’re full of potential”.
I am dying inside and still feel like dying in the literal fashion
However I have decided, I am not to take my own life, I’m going to go back to the Militia in Syria. I was happy there. I left a life I love for a woman that emotionally tortured the shit out of me for nearly a year. If I die there then so be it.
Things were going well, her parents had talked some sense into her, She got the Christmas Presents I sent (over $2k worth) my house was getting ready for sale (I am pulling it off the market in the next […]