Hello!! I’m bored and little sad. My girlfriend is in Costa Rica on vacation and cannot text. 🙁 anyway anybody wanna chat?? I LOVE helping people so text me! Even if you’re bored too and you want to talk. Anything is fine!! I’m a 16 year old male, my name is Matt. 🙂 my number 19494846924
“Why do you want to die?” They asked before I was forced into therapy. “Was it the deaths in your family? How bout your parents devorce? Or was it being taken away from your parents christmas eve at 7 years old?” Well no. I had finally pushed that back in my mind until it was brought up. Now that was almost 3 year ago and maybe then thats why i wanted to die but now idk why. Maybe the social anxiey and depression ive developed. The worthlesness and pain i feel deep inside because thats all i can cause others. pain. so as i […]
I don’t get how I gained weight !!! I calculated the calories I burn naturally in a day, plus exercise to burn more and only eating about 1000 calories…. according to that, I should have a deficit of about 1000 calories a day, so in 3 days and a half I am supposed to lose 1 pound !!! Three days later, I gained 0.7 pounds, wtf ?? I panicked when I saw the number and started crying. there is NO way I am staying fat.
I’m in law school. I’m kicking ass in law school. I’ve got a great (paid) job this summer. I’m competitively seeking jobs for next summer already.
And I’m a fucking drunk. I probably wouldn’t need both hands to count the number of times in the past year that I haven’t had at least 3-4 drinks before bed.
And I fucking hate myself.
And I feel pathetic for hating myself, when my future is unfolding before me.
I have, deliberately (or almost so), sabotaged everything in my life. For the most part, it worked. Now, as I stand at actually having a career, every attempt I make at sabotage is […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I really hoped I wouldn’t get into this state ever again…
Last time I had these very violent urges,I almost killed someone…over a damn simple insult!Ever since,I hoped that I could control myself,as to prevent these urges from ever coming back again…They’re back now,despite of all my efforts to keep the violent thoughts away from my mind…
The worst part is that,when suffering from these urges,I almost totally lose control of myself.Just the smallest trigger of an insult can make something in my brain just snap,and then I lose control,attacking the individual(s),regardless of their size or number of people in the group.I believe that it this aggressiveness […]
If I was born into a noble family in the 1500’s, I would be happy. I could be a pawn to the king and get killed in battle, at least it would be lawful and acceptable. I’d be a marauder of death, wielding two claymore because shields mean you want to see tomorrow.
If I was born to a caveman 15,000 B.C.E, I would be happy. My mind would be at ease, the only thoughts it could produce would be for survival. I’d likely die before 20 due to some malicious disease, and that’s fine by me.
If I was born in 1997,May 15th, then I would […]
I don’t know why I continue living this pointless existence. I’m an idiot, nobody gives a shit about me if anything they hate me, and things will never change. I went through all of my previous facebook posts and conversations and I feel like everything I’ve said is just so fucking stupid and judging my the number of likes (1-4 max) everyone else feels the same way. This is the 3rd or 4th time I’ve been seriously suicidal and now I don’t see the point of taking medication to hide my idiocy from myself, I’m never going to have a worthwhile life. It’s only fear […]
In my teens, I was diagnosed with bipolar paranoid schizophrenia. I’m currently 26, without insurance, and no way to afford therapy or medication.
I’ve attempted suicide twice before, first by ingesting a large number of different pills (blood thinners, sleeping pills, basically everything in the cabinet) and the second by ingesting rat poison. I continue to practice self-harm, mostly by tearing at my arms with my nails, or beating myself in the head, for the sake of not hurting someone else because the fact is I want to. I’m angry at everyone all the time, and it has only gotten worse in recent months since my […]
So, it has been a large number of years since the first time I wanted to be dead. Gone. Not here with all of the drama and BS that i have been unable to escape since i was born. However, last night, i was for some reason given the chance to see just one small part of the insanity that has plaqued my friends and family for years. The light has been turned on! They must sit by and watch this “person” that i become, verbally bash them and make them feel like shit.
I always thougt they were lying.
Now with that light turned […]
I need to flee SoCal.
I am the black dragon.
To heal my wound scales.
The faith, where is the wagon.
Twelve, the number is zero.
Now, in the age of oblivion.
Yet to be, another hero.
Welcome, our faith of destruction.
Fate, have you ever heard of the undead.
I live, here I am. Messiah in the dark, read my palm.
The heart of the ultimate scale, inside of me.
A turbulent chaotic beast, the rage of hell.
Peace like a saint.
Faith is my sword. My rotting flesh, sworn to be vowed.
Like Cyclops, inborn half-man and half-weapon.
My mission. My battle. My war. Forever until […]
Does heaven have a phone number?
Mommy went to heaven,
but I need her here today.
My tummy hurts and I fell down;
I need her right away.
Operator, can you tell me
how to find her in this book?
Is heaven in the yellow part?
I don’t know where to look.
I think my daddy needs her too,
at night I hear him cry.
I hear him call her name sometimes,
but I really don’t know why.
Maybe if I call her,
she will hurry home to me.
Is heaven very far away?
Is it across the sea?
She’s been gone a long, long […]
Novelist Graham Greene played Russian roulette as a teenager
If the first volume of his autobiography A Sort of LIfe is to be believed, then the novelist Graham Greene did not have a very auspicious childhood.
His earliest memory was of sitting in his pram atop a hill, with a dead dog at his feet. When he was five, Greene walked with his nurse close to an alms-house, outside of which a crowd had gathered. Suddenly a man rushed forward and into the building. It was said he was about to cut his throat. Greene and his nurse waited among the wide-eyed spectators, until the man appeared […]
Recruit.
The first album. The man to his death.
Abyssal, abyssal. I am the only one counting the number.
There is no number, here in this singularity.
Today, burnt away again. Army of Seraphim. I need to die. Take me.
The new age begins with the walking, death, and the white horse.
The ancient text, the journey to the holy pilgrimage. Death…. is a number.
I am an obliterated splattered rot. Transmogrification of hell.
Build me an iron mask. The warrior, to the fight of the story of the living hell.
We gonna be heading, to the Squatch. Did you hear about the Star-Child skull yet?
OMG, i joined this site 2 years ago, and at first everyone was so supportive and caring and month by month everyone is becoming judgmental the amount of judgment ive gotten in two days from people on here is insane. i post a picture of myself. i give out my number for people to contact me. WHY IS IT THAT BIG OF A DEAL!? i see others on here do it to. so why are we attacking me?!? what is so special about me that i dont have the right to post what others do. SORRY. im going to post what i damn well please […]
I’ve never understood the point of this life. When I ask people they often say, “Well, you graduate from college, get a job and start a family.” My only answer is, “And?” What comes after having a family and everything else you’ve worked so hard to obtain?
Death.
If in the end, no matter what we do, we all die, then what is the point of living? For those who believe in afterlife or a heaven after we die maybe life has a meaning. But to someone who doesn’t believe in anything, what’s the point? There are more than 7.046Â billion people on earth. Millions of people are […]
On Thursday, I was discharged by the ‘Home Treatment’ people at the hospital after a month of getting my meds changed. Took me off the Zopiclone and Citalopram and switched to Tradazone.  I still get to take Lorazepam.
On Saturday I got my discharge papers through the post. I study them and see they have given me a new label.
Now they say I have an ‘Unstable Personality Disorder.’ I look it up online and that equals Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Before that they told me I had a SchizoAffective Disorder. Before that Psycotic Depressive. Before that Schizophrenic. Before that and before that I lose track. I know mental […]
We put lots of efforts to live and hoping for practically unattainable success.
Very small amount of that effort is enough for suicide. It is lot more easier for a bankrupt business man to suicide than rebuilt all the money he lost
Most importantly, there are lot of humans living out there for whom I can confidently say probability of success is absolutely zero.
There are good number of people who hate all things they do and also hate all things other humans do and hate their life but still struggling to live, even new born kid say this kind of living is illogical and stupid.
Hence provedÂ
So today I found out that I’m failing a class. I’m so disappointed and ashamed in myself cause I used to be the girl in the front of the room telling you the answer to problem 7 and earning good grades. Now I’m the girl in the back of the class room asking you for the answer to number 7 and receiving bad grades. I get told constantly that I could do better , but when I try my best can still get improvement.
I get told to ask the teacher for help but I don’t want to. 1. Because I feel dumb and ashamed, and […]
today is probably the worst day of my life. My girlfriend a few months back charged me with 6 different offenses, and that caused a lot of stress on me and one day I just got to the point I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to hang myself and just before I jumped I called her and she picked up as said she would come see me, and at no point did I think the cops would come because we’ll I trusted her, and she saved my life and after 4 mon this of that it was over but then she wanted to become […]