There are a number of tasks I need to do today, but I lack the emotional drive for any of them. An exam. Work. What does any of it matter? What’s to stop me from ending it all? What are the moments I live for? Most of the moments in my life are all pretty boring since I spend them by myself anyway. I claim to have aspirations like traveling, maybe agriculture later on, and going to Japan (if only to visit Aokigahara), but when I think about it, none of these things really seem like they’d be that fun since I ‘d have no […]
Call the police is all I can hear. Then I hear my older sister “should I call the police?” I’m stuck, in shock. Only five years old. I just watched my dad beat my mom to the ground, and now he is holding a heavy giant porcelain lamp over her head. I thought he was going to kill her. I was frozen. Scared. I don’t know what made him put the lamp down. I really don’t think he even heard the pleading and crying of my older sister because I don’t remember him looking over at us…
Seeing my dad beat up on my mom was […]
For starters, you’re going to die. I assure you of this. I’m not saying to off yourself. I’m not saying you’ll be plagued with illness. Just that death is inevitable.
To the younger folks here. .. the teens and such. Well, I’m not trying to minimize your struggles, your feelings….but they’re so small. Someday you’ll see that. High school is so meaningless in the grand scheme. Parents suck, for one, that’s how it’s supposed to be. For two, you don’t have to stay attached to them. Shortly, you can go forge a path. No love interest? What’s the odds of actually staying with a hs […]
I am so tired of my life and myself, my thoughts makes my throat hurt and the pain shivers down to my chest. Its so tempting to just ram a knife up my throat. If I ever get my own apartment I woulnd’t be surprised if I actually did something like that, I want to cut my guts out, bleed out and destroy myself. As many others on this place my urge grows bigger towards my birthday, I don’t know why that is.. but I suppose to me it feels natural to go out on the same date that you came in.. I also had […]
I’m not supposed to be here.not even to talk. Even this site, I just wanted to leave my story before I go. I registered set password and it told me it was wrong and asked if I wanted to change my pass word, but I’ve never been here. See I’m always pushed not to talk.
When I was 3 1/2 yrs old, I helped my mother dig up hemlock bushes. She dug around it and clipped the roots, but she couldn’t get to the center root. So she handed me the clippers with the long wooden handles and short curved nose. And I cut the root.
On […]
It’s time for a rant!
Sometimes I just need to get things out of my system, otherwise they stay there like bologna someone has left on the counter for ten days. Nobody wants it there but everybody’s afraid to touch it now because it’s green and crawling.
So, here are today’s things that irritate the crap out of me.
Coupons I don’t find until the day after they’ve expired.
(“Nooooo… one day… late… Must save… twenty-five cents….”)
Loud rambunctious people in public, including kids who shout every sentence while their parents don’t take the time to teach them appropriate volume. Meanwhile the kids just shout louder.
Me: “Wouldn’t it […]
I am sitting here wondering if I cut again what will they do If they see and I told them the fact i did it on purpose…or if I try to kill myself and I fail what on earth will they do?
Before me husband threaten to to tell my dad and brother but he not talking to my family but have to live with his . I really dont give two flying fucks if he tells his parents I would love to see there recations.
they talk about it….it would look bad on there part becuse every one we know ..knows im not like that or […]
I live in a south-american country with lots of social problems. One of those, connected in a way to all, is poverty. I was born in a fairly wealthy family, not rich, but in a country were some some didn’t make enough to eat, certainly more than enough. My family didn’t live always as well as they did by the time I was born, and still lived in the same “low-class” neighborhood. In this neighborhood, lived a much poorer family, and my grandmother were friends with them. I was about 7 when I was introduced to the other old lady’s grandson, a kid older than […]
Hello…
It seems I find myself at yet again another rock bottom. You know just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse it actually does, and it just keeps getting worse and worse.
I just dropped out of college because lets just say depression kind of took over. It seems my childhood events have finally caught up to me. From my step-dad who I thought was my real dad leaving me and my mom on his birthday when I was 7 to my older brother being sentenced to 15 years in prison for committing murder, things just have never been easy for me. I just lost […]
I really don’t know how I used to purge it’s so fucking hard now mayb because I’m getting older or weaker ? I have lost the will to live so I guess the will power has gone to so unless a miracle happens or I get it right next time I’m going to be fat and depressed no i won’t let that happen il kill myself before that happens hope I get the strength to get it right because watching my weight gain slowly is like a slow suicide in its self And people say things get better being alive is a living hell !!!
Many old timers here will be more familiar with the back story of Dawg … newer folks, feel free to peruse my past posts that date back to 2011.
The cliff notes:
I suffer from chronic back pain … make life difficult and saps my strength and will … often to the brink. And in years passed I was faced with homelessness through foreclosure … at which point I was confident I could implement my “Exit Strategy” and wash my hands of the whole mess. During this whole time … about the only reason I did not end my pain and cut short the inevitable march […]
I thank creater for helping me to post what I feel, who are here also people same as me. Who went, running through lowest points. I appreciate your comments for my older posts. But after one year I can’t exactly tell I’m fine. I surely need your help till my death. Thanks for reading.
Something dark has brought me back to this place, suicideproject just can’t be erased from my mind even after years. Ive had this ongoing struggle of unhappiness, and I can’t see to win the war.
even now a little older, and have a respectable career happiness hasn’t come. My job as a firefighter has only made me numb to seeing what death really looks like. Pulling half of bodies, limbs and charred remains from houses, mangled bodies from vehicle accidents, spraying off the walls of the people who spattered brains all over
Every once in a while you might save someone and make a difference, but did […]
I haven’t really planned much I’d like to do in my final days or weeks. I see others like to treat themselves to an expensive meal, or visit somewhere special before they go. Me, I just don’t want to give my children’s father the chance to continue poisoning their minds against me for the rest of time. So maybe writing something for both of them to read when they’re older…. I don’t know. It all seems like so much effort. I’m beyond exhausted, every day is damage control. What about you? Have you thought of some things you’d like to do before it’s your time […]
From really young people – teenagers – who are suicidal. There seems to be a theme in that most of them have parents who they feel don’t understand, support or love them. It’s so sad. And even worse that they feel like they can’t talk to their parents about how they feel.
In this world of materialism, I had somehow forgotten how important all that was. It had seemed like all they wanted was the latest iphone, and to be in the popular group at school. It kind of gives me new hope that I can actually be a positive influence in my kids lives, although […]
It’s been a long time since I’ve seen my wrists bleed.
I remember trying to slice my wrists in high school, and it accomplished nothing. I received no compassion. Instead people were disgusted and angry, and they scolded me and tried to shame me about it. I remember a slightly older classmate looking at my bandaged-up wrists saying “You’re going to have those scars forever and remember that dumbass thing you did.”
Here I am decades later, and the wrist has healed so well that I can’t even remember which wrist it was…. maybe it was both.
I tried OD’ing, and that was equally unsuccessful.
I didn’t keep cutting […]
Woke up as some of you know at the unholy hour of what was it….2:30ish am…..ordering coffee from room service. I sat out on my balcony and drank the whole pot they brought me before retiring back to bed where I slept and dreamed in circles. Same thing kept happening over and over and over….annoying.
*Yep, still wearing Danny boys sweatpants…I do love these things*
Got up a couple of hours ago, took a nice hot bath but not before ordering more coffee and a couple […]
I’m bored so I’m going to make a riddle about the member I’m intrigued by. Although, I doubt she’ll read this, assuming she isn’t already dead. Now for the riddle: “Despite her disinterest in the superficiality and possible triviality of life, I still think she is intriguing. Despite her interest in older men, I do think we are close in age. Despite her view of being damaged, I think she can still shine brilliantly. Even if it is cracked, a gem can still sparkle. Although she has a habit of calling out those she considers “wolves in sheep’s clothing”, I am completely aware I’m not […]
I never wanted to live, not even when I was a child. I still remember when I was 9 years old and cut myself for the first time. I squat there in the sand behind my classroom and sawed at my arm with the metal insert of a wooden ruler until I saw blood. I hated myself so much and the only thing that seemed to take the pressure away was putting myself in pain. When I was 13 I tried a knife for the first time but it was the razor blades I discovered at 20 that changed things for me. In college I […]
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