There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
This website is comforting. When I come here I feel like I can say my most painful thoughts and nobody judges. Maybe nobody even cares, which is fine as well. I just like someone to read my words without any judgement.
I don’t even know if this website is healthy for me to come to. But when I feel like I’m about to explode, I come here and feel a little bit more calm.
Let me tell you something. I have no idea how to be good at life. No idea what so ever. I applaud people that are good at it.
Why couldn’t kill myself when I had the chance. I wouldn’t have so many painful memories and feel so out of place and suicidal. I only know my best days are ahead of me because one of those days includes dying. My life never started. I sometimes can trick myself into thinking that people I have met actually cared about me but deep down I know that is untrue. I hate that of painful memories of liars and heart thieves that all in all provided nothing but pain and trauma. I don’t matter. I don’t connect to anyone or anything. I shouldn’t even have been […]
This may seem like a minor problem at the moment,
But (I’ve mentioned) while seeing psychologist today, when she left, I took the moment to badly harm myself.
But see, I never hurt my wrist because its very evident and I don’t like wearing long sleeves 24/7, and it interferes with everything (the pain), and above all, its so horribly painful there afterwards, so usually when I’m doing ordinary tasks it stings like hell.
i wanna take a shower but….
Dear lord…
Any advice?
I can’t f***ing believe it. The way I planned isn’t gonna work. I know I can’t talk about methods but suffice to say something went wrong that I did not realize could be an issue. Unfortunately I did not realize this until I already started trying. I’ll be fine, just in a small amount of pain for the next few days. I’ve done some pretty embarrassing things in my life but this is really up there, I can’t believe I couldn’t even managed to get this to work properly. I am feeling a strange mix of insane amusement (I was literally cracking up) and a […]
It’s about that time again – you know, when depression rears its ugly head and you start researching extensively on the internet for exit strategies… Drunk on a saturday and feeling like I can’t escape. Of course I feel awful about leaving my family but really this cannot go on… The suffering and inability to function within society – like a puzzle piece that can’t fit in. I am so fucking tired of being gay which is essentially a death sentence or at least a life long curse of loneliness and harassment.
Normally I try to write better, wax some sort of whining poetic about romanticized […]
My ex-fiance broke my heart. Yep. He broke off our engagement and continues to beat me emotionally until I’m numb. I want to die. I want someone to take this pain away from me. But nobody ever does. So I think I’ll end my pain. I think I’m going to die today. Don’t tell me life’s worth the fight. My whole life has been one painful experience after another. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been crying out for help for years. I thought he was going to help me. He broke me in ways I never thought were possible. I will probably never be […]
I’m trying to slit my wrists right now, it’s just so painful, I don’t know how I’m going to go deep enough to bleed out. I’m really scared though.
I must forget you
All those painful memories
Being honest to myself and realizing
You do me no good
You make me want to change
I need to face this ruthless loneliness
I need to hear myself for a change
This so called freedom is unfamiliar
Due to your heavy memories that still linger after your absence
I feel so powerless and worthless. I’m in pain again. I just want to take my life.
I can’t cope with life. It’s too painful. It’s torture and agony what I’m going through again.
I was able to distract myself recently and felt good by keeping busy. Yesterday all the pain came back because of a memory of the past. Now I don’t have the will to do anything. I feel so small, insecure and hopeless. I just want to end my life. It’s the only thing that can free me from this nightmare and give me peace.
Sigh…
When people are suicidal, their thinking is paralyzed, their options appear spare or nonexistent, their mood is despairing, and hopelessness permeates their entire mental domain. The future cannot be separated from the present, and the present is painful beyond solace. ‘This is my last experiment,’ wrote a young chemist in his suicide note. ‘If there is any eternal torment worse than mine I’ll have to be shown.
I’ve been having more suicidal thoughts than usual lately, and I’ve actually been thinking of ways I would want to go if I ever decide to off myself. Cutting isn’t an option; I’m too scared to harm myself, plus that would be extremely painful and messy. Hanging myself is off the table too, since I’d probably never work up enough nerve. My thoughts have been drifting towards drowning more often than not. I think that would be the best way to go for me. Although, I am terrified of the ocean/any body of water, I think I could make an exception. It would be easier […]
I’m not saying my life experience was the worst, but at this point I feel there is no point in staying around. Side note:My maternal uncle committed suicide, my paternal grandmother’s sister committed suicide, and my paternal grandfather died from alcoholism related issues. I feel like my family is a family who tries to be perfect, but hides many secrets because it seems like I’m outwardly the only screw up. I have struggled with anxiety my whole life. I’ve always been terrified of everything. Often had insane temper tantrums. I don’t remember exactly how young I was when I first went to therapy, but I was young.. […]
I have Social Phobia ( aka social anxiety), I always been the shyiest guy in school, college,diferent jobs. Missed classes in college cause of it, quit jobs cause of conflit due to bad comunication with others. Been to many job interviews and failed because of being so nervous, that since 2010 I tought I have to quit life, didn’t know when or how, but had to.
So I just tried to meet new places and walk a lot, while also searching for ways of dying. All of them seem painful so I ended up thinking maybe I could just buy some syringes with a large width […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I never want to leave my house but I can’t stand being here. I am a living contradiction. I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m constantly dreaming that I get some lucky break and will be able to live my life one way or another but I’m not delusional, I obviously know that can’t and won’t happen. I know it’s my fault and I should’ve just done what needed to be done, but I don’t want to live in the first place the only reason I’m alive is so I don’t hurt my family. But now I’m just a disaster to them. I hate […]
The regret and sadness is really hard today (and most days). Things could be so different, better- maybe not good, but better.
As it is, I may never see my ex again. She’s my best friend, despite everything that’s happened, still the best relationship I’ve ever had. I can only hope that after some time she might be willing to speak to me. It’s so painful to think that if I had just left things alone, if I hadn’t forced her to speak to me, then we might’ve actually started talking again in February.
And I still would’ve had my dog, my baby. This hurts so much. […]
Hello everyone. I’m new here. I’m almost 24 and my native language is not english, so excuse my poor english.
I have been dealing with anxiety and depression (i guess it appeared later) since the age of 15/16 i guess. It started after my dad said yes to a surgery to my kidney( i didn’t want to do it cause i knew it wouldn’t fix anything, it was’nt a matter of life or death, not anything closer to that, just to fix a congenital problem). But the only thing it brought to me was a psicosomatic disorder and later anxiety and depression.
I’m telling you […]
I have come to the conclusion that life is some sick experimental scheme that we can curtail by refraining from reproduction . By walking hand in hand into the beautiful glare of oblivion and hence opting out of this Raw deal. Imagine the unfairness of yanking an innocent soul from the comfort of oblivion and casting it into this painful thresher called life. If you have Kids, love them. If you don’t have them, please just be kind enough not bring them into this sick […]