My mom told me that she could have killed me when she was pregnant. In my school I was bullied continuously for 3 years. I had operation twice due to some health issues and unfortunately I couldn’t complete my college. I’ve worked really hard from childhood to get my dream job, now I’m feeling like a failure. I wish my parents would encourage me and support me a bit but they always put me down. They compare me with other children from the childhood, and my mom always hit me with a stick even when it wasn’t my fault. No love from them but God […]
Okay i’m being completely honest here, no sugar coating anything alright. I have just come across as a huge disappointment in my entire family and every time i try to regain any self confidence it just plummets back down. I’m tired of everything and i’m not scared of the future anymore because i’ve decided that i will not have a bright and wonderful future anymore because i’m done. I may not live past 20 and I guess somethings happen for a reason and my reason is that i’m useless and i no longer have any significance to anyone. Not my family or my so called […]
Nathan,
I was really upset when you decided to take your own life back on June 23, 2002 and still think of it almost every day. I know you must have been going through some rough times but I really wish you would have contacted one of us (your family)for support. We had our share of fights growing up that I thought I would never forgive you for. As I sit here today writing this letter I can honestly say that I forgive you. There are so many things that I held onto over the years, maybe I could have learned to get over them and […]
I am ashamed of being my parents’ child.
They’ve given me a beautiful life.
Yet, I don’t appreciate it at all.
I can’t give them, the true gratitude that’s within my heart.
I don’t have enough potential even if I do strive to do my best.
But my best is not enough.
A pitiful child, I am.
My efforts are nothing.
Even if I were trade my life for death, I could not do so.
As for now, I just need to look for the reason to continue on.
Here’s my story. One year back I was the happiest man alive. I had a good job. I had just got promoted. I was the senior most in my office. My marriage was fixed. Then this eye problem cropped up. The doctors diagnosed me with a rare incurable genetical disease. In just a year I’m now almost blind. My muscles are so affected that I’m wheelchair bound. I have lost my job. My fiancee left me. I have lost all feelings in my body I can’t feel hot or cold. Now the doctors say my kidneys are also failing. I’m in constant pain. I’m just […]
I am destined to destroy myself my darker thoughts may lessen from time to time but they never go away the need for physical pain and inebriation holds me down. For every good day there are thousands of bad ones. I’ve never done anything good for myself. I convince myself I don’t need to eat today get blackout drunk grab a razorblade or hunting knife and cut myself open and watch the blood pour. I can keep myself busy and not think destructively but when I sit and think for 5 minutes I think about shotguns and razors. No one cares to be around me […]
Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore. My best friend committed suicide a few months ago and I’m just dead on the inside. I’m numb to everything and pain doesn’t phase me. My life gets tougher and tougher everyday, even when I think its getting better..its not… I need to do something .instead of just wishing I was gone.
I feel the need to run away. what do i do among them? its my hatred for them that’s the cause of my decline, i clearly see it now. i play games when exams are near, i don’t do what every sane person would do at critical moments, i deliberately miss opportunities…why? to bring my image down in their eyes, to not become great in front of them..that’s how i take revenge from them! i don’t know if it makes sense. they praised me a lot when i topped my school and got admission in one of the best colleges. on the surface i liked […]
why won’t the pain in my heart and mind  stop
why must i live in this shell and suffer the days and nights .
why does god keep me lock in this shell to suffer so much
why have i never found love in this life
how can i say good bye to my  only child without hurting her
how can i make them see that I’ve run out of time
why is it so hard to dream the dream of peace
why is it so hard to let go, all i wanted in this world is to  be loved
i am i selfish to want to end this life
. how can i […]
I’ve been spending so much time focusing on school…I’ve tried so hard so far…I even told my friends and boyfriend that I needed a break from all of them so that I could focus on school and get things sorted out…My grades have slipped…I can’t focus…I got screamed at by a teacher…and my parents…I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s been 9 days since my last cut…I might not make it to ten days if this keeps up…I feel so useless and worthless and empty…I don’t know what to do…
(sorry for all of the ellipses,((the …’s)), it’s just my thought process.)