I’m never good enough, I never make the right decisions, according to everyone else. I managed to pull A’s and B’s out of my ass when my mother passed away. I went back to classes two weeks after my entire life was destroyed before my eyes and yet I passed a university semester with flying colors. So, I tell my parents, being my step mother and father that I want to take an aerial silks class to, you know..do something for myself for once. I am a straight A student, I personal train three days a week and I hold a really good job, and […]
Okay i’m being completely honest here, no sugar coating anything alright. I have just come across as a huge disappointment in my entire family and every time i try to regain any self confidence it just plummets back down. I’m tired of everything and i’m not scared of the future anymore because i’ve decided that i will not have a bright and wonderful future anymore because i’m done. I may not live past 20 and I guess somethings happen for a reason and my reason is that i’m useless and i no longer have any significance to anyone. Not my family or my so called […]
Nathan,
I was really upset when you decided to take your own life back on June 23, 2002 and still think of it almost every day. I know you must have been going through some rough times but I really wish you would have contacted one of us (your family)for support. We had our share of fights growing up that I thought I would never forgive you for. As I sit here today writing this letter I can honestly say that I forgive you. There are so many things that I held onto over the years, maybe I could have learned to get over them and […]
I am ashamed of being my parents’ child.
They’ve given me a beautiful life.
Yet, I don’t appreciate it at all.
I can’t give them, the true gratitude that’s within my heart.
I don’t have enough potential even if I do strive to do my best.
But my best is not enough.
A pitiful child, I am.
My efforts are nothing.
Even if I were trade my life for death, I could not do so.
As for now, I just need to look for the reason to continue on.
Here’s my story. One year back I was the happiest man alive. I had a good job. I had just got promoted. I was the senior most in my office. My marriage was fixed. Then this eye problem cropped up. The doctors diagnosed me with a rare incurable genetical disease. In just a year I’m now almost blind. My muscles are so affected that I’m wheelchair bound. I have lost my job. My fiancee left me. I have lost all feelings in my body I can’t feel hot or cold. Now the doctors say my kidneys are also failing. I’m in constant pain. I’m just […]
I am destined to destroy myself my darker thoughts may lessen from time to time but they never go away the need for physical pain and inebriation holds me down. For every good day there are thousands of bad ones. I’ve never done anything good for myself. I convince myself I don’t need to eat today get blackout drunk grab a razorblade or hunting knife and cut myself open and watch the blood pour. I can keep myself busy and not think destructively but when I sit and think for 5 minutes I think about shotguns and razors. No one cares to be around me […]