what makes you, you? what makes me, me? nothing? are we all the same? if we aren’t, why do i and others feel the same way? why do others feel this indescribable feeling as well? no one should feel it. it’s hard to picture someone feeling this too, when you feel so alone, but it’s true. that’s just life. life.what makes life? what indicates someone is living a healthy and happy life? is there a compass? a map? a graph? what tells you who you are? others? yourself? so many questions. who can answer? no one. no one wants anything, yet everyone wants everything. be […]
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Personal Life
I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling. I think I might be addicted (?) or I like being sad. Like even when I’m happy and I’m in a good place, suddenly at the middle of the night, I try to find some reason to make myself sad and angry about myself. I like the feeling of being sad and having that sting in your chest and feeling all alone as if no one cares about me even when I know it’s not true. I don’t really like it as I love it like a hobby but there are times when I find myself […]
So, do you have faith? I wanna know. Like, do you believe in God or something?
I’ve just cut my leg after being almost 1 year free of SH. I’ve been trying to hold on this past month, because it was hard, but today I’ve just broke down.
I used to be a person who had faith in God, like c’mon, I am almost 21 and I haven’t had sex yet because of church. I did everything that a nice person and a religious one would do, but everything in my life doesn’t go the way it should. Everyday I get more frustrated, sad and suicidal. It […]
how can i be both lonely and also want to be alone at the same time?
by adecoy95
written by adecoy95
i dont want to be alone anymore, but at the same time i dont want to put myself out there.
i dont understand why being alone bothers me so much if i dont want to take effort to change it. it makes no sense
im going to turn 30 soon, i have never dated or been in a relationship with anyone, ive never been intimate with anyone
i have been considering hiring a escort, but i dont know if i could even do that, what if i got caught? would my family despise me? consider me a terrible person? could i accept that?
what if i hired one, and […]
For the past 6 or 7 months, I’ve been waking up from bad dreams with a pain and sadness in my chest.
On occasion, I’m even lucky enough to be jolted awake by sobs.
I used to rarely remember my dreams, but now they all feel very real. Sometimes I can’t even tell what was a dream and what wasn’t, so I have to ask my mom if an event actually happened, just to be sure.
Most of the dreams I remember nowadays are very upsetting. Last night, I dreamed I was chatting with an old friend from uni, and we were having a great time, but slowly […]
A month ago it was decided. One day I would kill myself, it was the only logical solution to the constant suffering of existence. In complete rejection of my own health, and because weed just didn’t do it anymore, i dropped half a gram of mdma.
It changed my life, I felt love towards everything around me for the first time in years. It felt as if this weight had been lifted and i was floating and everything around me was floating and it was all good. I was beautiful and everyone was beautiful. I took a long look at myself and though about how I […]
I don’t even know where to start. Things aren’t as cheerful as i had hoped they would be by now. I love him, I really do, but I should have listened to that little voice in my head. He was everything I needed out of the blue and I just dissolved into this worthless mass. He is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, one minute he is loving and the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, but then he is full of rage. He slams doors, throws things, and threatens me. Nothing physical. We recently moved and he is the […]
Today, upon waking up from my morning dream, I felt despair in my stomach.
Since a child, I had been told I was different. At first, I thought it made me special and smarter than everyone else. I’d go see doctors to measure my I.Q., though I thought the tests were weak to determine someone’s true learning abilities. I liked the attention, except, it was negative attention. Because, eventually, it turned into medicating me. If I had known, as a child, I would have said, “Please, Mamma, please do not medicate me,” because I now know where this led to. I wish all kids could know, […]
Hi, I don’t really know what to say, I feel like I’m going insane and more suicidal every day, No one to talk to, No one to lean on for help… It is now summer after finishing my exams which went horrible. My parents said if I failed them I would have my phone taken from me. I tried my best I really did, During the exams I tried my best but felt so anxious and paranoid during sitting the exams and when I went out for a break for lunch I would feel much happier, no one staring at me no more twitching due […]
I’m 16, and I’m going into my senior year of high school in a few months, and I’ve been facing depression for over a year now. I wish I could explain how I really feel, but I don’t think it would make sense. Mostly it’s the fact that I have high-achieving dreams. Like, the kind of dreams where it takes a one in a million chance to actually accomplish them. And I’ve convinced myself that I’m not going to achieve anything in life and I’ll just be bored and miserable the entire time. As if I’m convinced that without these dreams, I won’t be happy, […]
Seriously im sick im my stupid life!im all alone all the day im staying in my house doing nothing while my “friends” going out and not even bothering to invite me…
every person I meet just use me and so as my “friends” everybody talking near me about parties and stuff they wanna do that im not invited to them they just pick up on me when they invite me its just when they need a laugh im just sick of it everyday its the same just wanna die.
I am here for you. Always. You are my family, my closest friends. I believe in you and in Suicide Project. Merry Christmas to everyone. Share love and affection with your loved ones. Don’t let depression, disorders or crisis ruin these days of happiness. I wish the best!
I’m drowning in my own sadness and depression. Just when i think I might be getting better I get worse. It’s a constant cycle of feeling happy then utterly hopeless and wanting to die. I can’t break the pattern no matter what drugs the docs prescribe or what activities I used to enjoy. I can’t find a thing in my life to lift this depression. I’ve tried all the things from before but nothing helps. I’ve taken to constantly listening to music to try and help but every song no matter how happy it sounds makes me even sadder and more depressed. I can’t win […]
I’ve been trying for too long and now I just don’t care anymore. My girlfriend tried to get me to see a therapist, but he was utterly useless, more of a temporary stress and “depression” guy. Even worse was the traffic and hurdles just to get to the office. I’ve been out of work for over a year (though a month long job at the worst grocery store in the state is hardly a job) and have sent in over 1000 applications, online and in person. The only consistent “offers” are the harassment from Aflac and telemarketers that use the bait-and-switch strategy. I’m just done. […]
I feel like I’m falling back to my old habbits. The last weeks I started to take more and more control about eating and exercising. My life’s turning again about (not) eating and exercising and trying to hide it all. But I’m fine with it, because my life is a little bit more bearable now, and I have sometimes a little happy moment (if I lost some weight or had a good exercise). And I know it’s unhealthy and stuff, but it’s keeping me from suicide, so that’s a good thing, right? And I’m going to be more happy with my body. I love the […]
I’ve never really understood the notion that you are allowed to have control over every aspect of your life, except for when it ends. It seems really unfair to force someone to exist when they clearly don’t want to. Personally I don’t think life is for everyone, and that going to such strong efforts to talk someone out of it is often only done because they don’t want to experience grief over the person, or that they would miss them. In my experience of family or friends trying to talk me out of it, their reasoning was never in my best interest, but in theirs. […]
i spend most of my time, thinking to myself. trying to tell my self that yes, these people exist, they have feelings, their heart beat and they feel sad sometimes too.. but then again, how can I be so sure? and i can’t tell anyone how i really think, they’d think i’m crazy. who knows. Maybe i am crazy.
I spend most of my time wanting to die. the anxiety in me, the feeling of wanting to do everything at once, but having no purpose in doing it, not wanting to, why does it all matter? all what we do is grow up to get […]
It never ceases to amaze me just how cruel and insane the world can be.
People will just build you up and then blow you up for their own enjoyment. So many people have hated me my entire life. I have noting left to look forward to in life. this is driving me insane! I just wish I could be a different person and experience what’s it’s like to have a family, friends, and a girlfriend. I never will get to experience any of those things Why keep this suffering going?
I can’t, I just can’t give more…
It does not really worth it to be around here… Pain after pain, leveling up, feeling worst. Behind every laugh there is a bitter memory which stops me and stops me, again and again. I was born not to love but to suffer. Everyone hates me. No girl can love me, no human will share with me.. I feel sad, more sad than ever. I can’t go ahead, I am ready to fade away. I will miss my dog, my ex-girl, family, friends, and most of all, my good old memories, which kept me going up, but is not […]
I’ve been spending the last few days with relatives. You know, for the holidays. I gotta say I’ve been having fun. Maybe it’s because the burdens of my MDD feel lighter. It’s quieted because I’ve accepted my suicide. I’m happier because I know in about two weeks I’m going to be gone. I know this happiness can’t last and once they leave it’ll all be back. But I’m at peace with my decision. I’m just happy to be done with the world and my failure of a life.
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