I overdosed like two weeks ago. But i never took all the pills.Im tired of seeing people suffer around me and im tired of suffering. So what ive decided and this is not for sure but to either take the remaining pills when i see my psychiatrist tommorow. Ive tried this before. People think im joking so im going to prove that im not. Im scared but i know what i have to do. theres no turning back unless the pills magically dissapear which i very much doubt. SOmetimes i feel like a drug addict cause whenever i have pills i end up taking them […]
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Pills
My heart is breaking. i cannot do this anymore. i’m just a shell of who i was, im no longer there, so why do you try to keep me here, when it’s not me anymore? my demons have overpowered me, the voices in my head have overpowered me, and the people have too….
i cannot keep living this way, i will not survive the physical and emotion pain anymore. im sick off this. i cant keep living. it hurts to wake up in the morning. i wish i could be strong like him, but i cant. It hurts to breathe. I wish […]
So i just got out of the hospital for overdose about two days ago. Actually it wasnt the hospital it was the er. I spent most of my time there in four point restraints since i kept trying to leave. The only reason i wanted to leave was because i hate being in the crazy section of the er cause thats were the gaurds are and there not so nice. Then they put moved me next to a baby getting a spinal tap in case you dont know what that is its a needle in your spine i still hear the screaming in my […]
I haven’t been here in a while.
People think im getting better.. Im not.. Its just the same.
If not worse.
I have pills
Pills to take me away.
Who knew Aspirin was so fantastic?
2 years ago I joine the marine corps. That wast dream to become a marine. I wanted to be the hero. When I went into the 13 weeks of misery known as boot camp I loved it. I enjoyed it. I met my closest friends there they knew everything about me and I knew everything about them . They were my best friends, my brothers. After basic I went to marine combat training MCT for short and there i was beginning to have suicidal thoughts. It hit me. I was I here ? What was I doing? Nobody was there no one. I felt alone. […]
I’m 32 years old. I have a good job and an even better spouse. I have thought about suicide everyday since I was about 6 years old. I have been sexually abused and raped. These things are far in the past. However, I HATE it when people blow smoke up each other’s butts all day and ignore any real feelings. I hate facebook because 1)I can’t stop 2) it has ruined my relationship with family members. I don’t feel like trying anymore and I certainly can NOT take another goddamn therapist or psychiatrist. I always feel WORSE after meeting with them because they say the […]
i fought through everything in my life, starvation, homeless, abandment, even times i wanted to take a bunch of pills and end it or excape for a little while,i stopt abusing pills when i was 19,i thought if u fight like u want what you see and want what you crave in life then it has to happen,my family dont give a shit about me, my dad only calls to ask if i heard from my twin and how shes doing, can somebody atleast act like they care?o i forgot ,people do, and they end up showing who they really are wen they leave you […]
People have told me, “Don’t do it, Emma” and “You can talk to me about anything”. But I can’t. I know I’m not alone in this but it always feels like I am. I’ve had people call the Suicide Hotlines on me and I’ve helped other people get through their own depressions but I can never seem to shake the pain, loneliness, jealousy, or depression. I have problems I know I need to fix but I just can’t.
Im 14. My name is Emma and I live in Colorado. When I was three, my mom and dad divorced after my mom knowingly broke my younger brother’s […]
im going to fukin kill myself. i cant do dis shit anymore. im 32, livin wit my sick grandma. n behind in 5 months in rent. i pop pills like candy n do blow liek ders no tomorrew n ther mite not b. ima loser mannn.. death is pretty fuckin cool if yo ask mhe.
personality keeps splintering, can’t choose a way to be, it’s tiring carrying on multiple faces. What am I talking about? Am I insane. I laughed when I read daniel radcliffe was drunk during a bunch of the harry potter scenes; i laughed to tears. Addicitve personalities man.. i started back drinking coffee again, appetites completely gone, was doing so good eating naturally.. had chocolate this morning after 2 months off.. was doing so well
i was set on not coming back here ever, set on trying harder to be positive, but even then I knew that it was the lingering buzz of the nights events still […]
My husband just told me its me against the word….that’s exactly how I feel!! I went into the cubord to get tylenol because I am sick and he yelled at me to “just take all of them everything in the cabinet! Now I have people telling me to kill myself??? My kids dont respect me and give me dirty looks. I do everyting for them. And work full time and go to school to make their lives better? I am tired of being laughed at because im fat and treated badly all the time. Now when I feel my worst I get a special request to […]
Let’s say you’re feeling like life is completely hopeless, and you just want to end it all. Some well-meaning person drops you off at the psych ward where you’re greeted with more pills, more doctors, and depressingly weak coffee (I’ve been there). There’s nothing terribly interesting to do, so you get bored. Maybe your new medications have terrible side effects. Maybe you get frustrated about being treated like a crazy person and you tell yourself, ‘I have sunk to a new low; I’m screwed’. You notice how odd it is that a facility designed to treat severely depressed people is so depressing.
Occasionally the doctors ask […]
I messed up my life at 7 years old. I learned what everything a adult thought of was, and my parents were getting divorsed. My mom hit my dad, and they always cussed eachother out in front of me. We were in the car once, my brother opened the door and was SO close to jumping out. he was leaning out of the car. If we hadn’t pulled him in, we would have seen him dead on the highway. we were screaming, and the one who didn’t help pull him back in was my mom. she yells at us, and nearly killed my dad. My […]
Hello to everyone reading my post. I only have two more days that I am able to access my computer, so please share any thoughts you would like. I will not be offended. I lost my fiance to his choice of the exit bag on September 15th of 2011. I was completely blindsided as we were happy and making plans. I woke up to police calls, investigations, and a lot of texts from him declaring his everlasting love. The funny thing is I was always the destined one to go, I believe in a life for a life, and would have gladly given mine. He was […]
i attempted offing myself about a 2 weeks ago….ive just been to damn ashamed to say anything….what is this….attempt 12…..13maybe?? i think ive gotten to the point where im just used to the failure. The pills only made me spaz thru the night. i kinda get a kick out of how cruel God is. it surprises me tht i can still have a relationship with God, no matter how one sided it is…..i begg and pray, and he just looks on. i swear my pain and eternal torment is his entertainment! Atleast Death holds me in the night. tho its not time for me to […]
Sometimes i question why i’m still alive , theres days where i love my life , but then theres days i dont want to be alive , I have been abused ,. i’m a drug abuser , i smoke ans pop pills , trying to forget the pain of the moment , i know it wont make it any better , i got hospitalized monday for attepmted suicde , the hospital was the worst place for me , I didnt want to be there or ever be alive , but i was forced ., Help me ..
I lost the control that I’d maintained for so long…trauma…attempted suicide one day and the next…”saved” by my best friend…the loss of my best friend…I am collapsing into myself as I have destroyed my life and continue to destroy this moment and the next.
I look to people to talk with but all I see are names…all I can tell them is a story of self-pity.
I wish I didn’t tell me best friend I took 60 pills…
I wish I hadn’t told her anything…
I wish I had used a blade…
I wish I had the courage I did a year ago when I brought the handful of pills […]
ight as well start with a smiling face because im pretty sure i wont end the journal with it once ive finished writing all this , well as the title says where to begin , i guess i should start with positive , i managed to draw Ezio Auditore de firenze  even though i think i messed up slightly with the face and hands , but nobodys perfect , at least now i know what to work on which is a positive XD ……trying to think what else is positive , well ive got my birthday in 11 months lol but its going to be […]
Hi, I’m a fifteen year old girl and I have been through quite a bit in my life.. I’ve been through being homeless, abused, raped, molested, bullied at school, addicted to drugs and alcoholism. I’m going through a lot at this moment as well, I need someone to talk to because all the people I know are drunks or druggies. I’m tired of being around this, I’ve been living around drunks and druggies my whole life. Now I just lost everything because of drugs and alcohol. I did try to be sober a couple of times but I just keep getting sucked back into it.. […]
i feel so depressed. especially because im at home. i dont have the one person i wish was with me. i saw her today(my best friend that is). my parents wanted me to go to the store with them, but this morning i told my mom i dont wanna go anywhere. and when they left i went right to her house. but i feel sooo bad for what did. i enable her. soo much. and i hate it. she is an addict. even though its hard for me to say that and it breaks my heart to know that. its true though. and i am […]