“Dance Puppet”
-Yes master
“Sing Puppet”
-Well, okay master
“Grovel Puppet”
-Please, master?
“Go Away Puppet”
-I will master, I’m going
“Die Puppet”
-But master, I’m already dead…
Hi Everyone, I feel like this is becoming my personal blog space where I can talk about my miserable existance.
So it is decided then. Â I will be attending the Msc in Accounting and Finance at Edinurgh.
I will be going there on friday. If I fail the course I guess an easy way out is just ending it all.
Anyways time to take my anti depressant and wash it down with some alcohol so I can dose away. No more whiskey but I do have some wine.
So today I did nothing. I had a talk with my bossy sister who said I had to do this masters. […]
I never thought I would be on this site as someone posting from a desperate place, instead of helping out through comments. But life is ironic that way, no?
I found this site about a year ago on my sister’s laptop. She was 15 then, and it was exactly three weeks before her 16th birthday. She’d declined my parents the joy of setting up a “sweet 16” party for her, because she didn’t want to give them the joy of setting it up. Then on her 16th birthday, she killed herself. I never got to ask her about the site, or why she always did everything she could to make our parents angry, now it doesn’t even matter. I don’t know if she had an account, I only know the site appeared on her […]
Words do not express, for my emotions run wild
I feel confusion and hate, but mostly just denial.
I need help.
I’ve slipped into this pit more than once in my life
but for the first time I don’t have the strength to make it alright.
I have done this to myself, this disease is now me
I am not a thinker, a lover or you’re friend.
I am my addiction which has no end.
I am it, and it is me. One cannot set the other free.
I lay in this bed in a room filled with sadness
and think back on my life […]
I’ve lived more than half my life, only to realize I haven’t lived at all. I’ve existed, for what purpose I don’t know. Life’s amusement I suppose. I always picture those old movies where the gods are standing idly by over some sort of cauldron as the human race slowly imploads. Only I see myself a puppet guided by the slightest of hand, made to teeter with one foot firmly on solid ground and the other dangling into the abyss of the unknown. Funny thing is I don’t believe in god or the like. I do however believe in kharma and the ability of a […]
I just want someone who understands this emptiness…
Somehow the pain that I used to feel so long ago has become something constant even when I thought it was all over, I tend to pretend smiles and create banal conversations with my relatives so they don’t think I’m up to this all over again… it’s something I do without thinking, just feel they’d be better on the ignorance.
And then after faking so many smiles I’m too tired to feel the pain and feel nothing but emptiness, the worst thing that could happen because the inner empty make me be cold and careless besides the fact that […]
Rules are made to enslave boredom is there to tell you it’s time to change the view i just want to find the cheat codes so i can fly
everytime i turn on the tv i feel like smashing the room i hate to work and be taxed because people i don’t know are having it a little worse then me all i find are lies dyed in virtue i hate this world because a hero gets a bullet in the head and the villain gets a medal
Someone else has to tell me how to live because god said so or half the people elected a puppet.My family doesn’t know shit about […]
It all hit me. I was at coffee with my friend, and all of the sudden it all hit me – the depression, the urge to kill myself, for all of this to end.
I have no purpose, I see no tomorrow, I see no future. I just want to die, so fucking badly.
I’m living but I don’t feel like I am. I just want to fucking die! Why can’t I? Why can’t some car hit me and I’d die? Why can’t something happen and my life would end? I have no purpose. I feel like a puppet doing stuff only because I am told I […]
It struck my recently. This rock-bottom self confidence, self hate, doubt, etc. It is fear. Fear of what you ask? That’s what I’m trying to figure out. I’ve never been this serious about something in a long time. I’ve been doing researches, reading and a lot of thinking. The whole Carl Jung theories were eaten whole one night. His theories on our “Shadow” is what stroke me the most.
Anyways, it seems I am deeply afraid of something. I just can’t find what. I wish I could say it’s a relief to have pinpointed something, but it’s not. Each time I start something, it just end midway. Fear of failure? Thinking […]
Late at night, at around 12 A.M. he heard light pitter patter along the halls of the SP House. Nate heard a crash around his door then a paper slipped into his room and then the pitter patter disappeared into the distance. Getting off his bed, he got the note and put it into his pocket. Knowing who it was from, he moved to the lounge.
Hooded figures entered the room, mysteriously late at night. Looking into the room, he saw puppet, as he called himself, leave the room with a hint of sadness. Sitting down at the table, she looked at him and mouthed “please […]
The truth I hold, took years to unfold, locked up and never told. Now I speak, for I am done being weak. A story I will tell, awakening the pits of my hell.
 Pinned against the wall, being six a little small. Tongue against my chest, you can imagine the rest. Touching, feeling, my eyes rolling to the ceiling. I push away, forced down, screaming, but i was never found.
 Day and night, always full of fright kissing, sucking, nonstop fucking. Crying, weeping and always pleading.
Was I that bad […]
ive been doing some thinking lately, which isnt really normal for me. im usually impulsive, which isnt good since its got me where im at today.
but i dont really think im suicidal, more like i just want to stop existing in this world. and the only way to escape it is to die. but i think i would still be the same way i am now, even if life had dealt me a different hand. i would always feel lonely, even if i was surrounded by people. i just feel like im different, everything im into or not into doesnt fit the fold. everything i […]
Controlled by a Masked Man By MissCMF
© Copyright November 2012
I can’t control any move, my head gives up soul comes to prove
The voices chant, the pain begins; I know I will never win
Crashing into tables, causing tears, but no one can know of these fear
When people enter I struggle to stop, act like I’m fine when really I’m not
Â
If I told people what’s going on, they’ll think that I’m crazy that I don’t belong
Who has a masked man in their heads, who when takes over makes the real me
The voices he uses are the ones […]
Hi,this is my first post as in such . I am nineteen years old and am a male. I have always hated myself since god knows when .I am 6 foot tall and people call me ugly and fat and incapable to have a girlfriend.I always felt shy around people and I always go by the motto ” I dont give two hoots what other people thinks of me”. I have so called “Friends” who smile and laugh at me and say stuff around my back and people use me to do stuff for them. Its as if I am their puppet. My mum […]