After 2 months of just reading and just staying in the sideline i now had the courage to register , i stumbled upon this site and its amazing because i have never felt the same with some people here and ofcourse the envy of others finally getting what some of us want to do. you guys might not see me again because im not much to talk but my lifes been getting worse so we’ll see i guess.
Tag:
reading
I haven’t been doing OK,
but I have been feeling, “OK”.
And I wonder why. Yes, I am still suicidal, crying all night and day, cutting everyday.
But, during the days and nights, I haven’t been feeling, “numb.”
I have been “OK”. I haven’t felt a deep dark pit swelling inside of me. I think I realized how fine I was recently after reading posts here about how some people are very sad at the moment.
So whats the change? Why am I OK?
I’m not sure. However, I do notice my happiness comes from wondering about suicide.
As some may know, in a month I plan to end it all. And […]
How can I go on when so many things that remind of all the negatives. My life is just a mess of associations of things I face to hurtful thoughts.
Just want this rough ride to be over. If someone is reading a book and even by a quarter in they arent enjoying it, wouldnt they just put it down?
For those interested in checking out timetables prior to catching said bus, I’d recommend the following-
Five Last Acts – The Exit Path (2nd Edition) by Chris Docker M.Phil
After reading it, I realised how ignorant I was about everything. This really provides essential preparatory reading.
Best wishes
K
I’d like to start by thanking you for taking time out of your day to read this. I, like most writers, write as a means of expression, but to have my writing viewed by you is even more rewarding, for my thoughts are then able to be shared and acknowledged.
You may or may not have been a previous reader of mine, but for many years I wrote these blogs, and upon completion of each of them I was always able to derive from them a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. To read people’s feedback was equally rewarding, as […]
What do you think? If I kill myself, will that action earn me a one-way ticket to hell?
My quality of life is zero. I suffer from both mental and physical pain, and things are getting worse with each passing year 🙁
Thank you for reading and replying to my post. It means a lot.
There are so many moments during my day where I reach a moment of defeat then quickly resort to thinking suicide is the solution. I notice that the issue is far too deep to fix and I don’t have the energy to be able to fix it. But when it comes to the end of the day where I’m suppose to make the decisions and get the things I need, I go numb.
At this moment of my life I’m soooo bad with choices and it’s making this final one harder.
I just want my suffering to end, my heart is foolish enough to think it’s going […]
There was a time i was an active user on this sight. tho it was a long ago, i doubt anyone on this sight recognises my user name, i first came here back around 2010/2011. so im old school SP, when i joined the sight was different, we didnt even have things beside our names, nevermind being able to put pictures in beside our names. I came here looking for a suicide partner, someone to go out with. i spent every waking moment reading of ways to die, and i found many easy ways out. but this place gave me the one thing i didnt […]
so i didnt pay the internet bill and its way overdue to go off…thing is i downloaded a 1tb worth of movies/series/games/music to keep myself sane..then the un-thinkable happened my fckin hdd went on fire i lost my phone other week also and i fuckin hate tv so ive been sat in the house with no food reading books from the library even put the noose around my neck a few times could not go through with it oh and i trapped my left hand tip of index finger in door and its hangin off ive stuck it back on and its black should go […]
Is it possible to have nostalgia for things you’ve never had or experienced? It’s like, maybe watching television and reading books isn’t such a great idea, because I see their lives, and I want them. Not all the drama, but the freedom, I guess. The friendships. The honesty. I wish I had those things growing up. And I look back on my life so far, and I feel like I’m missing my younger years. Then I remember what shit my younger years were, and I realize I’m missing what I missed. I’m missing the things that other people have. Maybe that’s more like envy, but […]
I am always sad for no reason. I cry myself to sleep alone in my room. I write poems on wattpad how I feel about the world. I always wonder why I’m still living, it’s for people I care about my mom, my friends. My friends don’t give a damn about me but I still love them. I can’t look in the mirror without insulting myself. I literally have no point in this messed up world. It is the ugliest place I’ve ever been. I have lost my sanity that I have made a finger puppet to talk to. Afew days later I stopped talking […]
This is a first, reaching out because I’ve reached my end thinking this is going to take so much energy to write and expecting no response it hardly seems worth the effort. I’m a walking contradiction… I’ve read a few enteries and like some of you, I suffered a horribly abusive childhood however I can’t get over it. That said, I’m house bound, self inflicted. I haven’t left my house in ages, afraid of being judged, having to talk, seeing someone I know and having to pretend that my life is perfect which it isn’t. I’ve lots of bad habits, one of many is talking […]
If you are reading this then you know you are guilty of this.
If you are too scared to read this then you are in denial.
If this causes you pain/hurt/makes you feel uncomfortable then maybe just maybe I might be saying something that has value and meaning.
There are way tooooooo many people on here that put themselves down
way toooooo often.
Here’s the facts,
you are depressed,
you’re suicidal,
your life sucks,
you cant get a girlfriend/boyfriend
you fill in the blanks.
You know what SO FUCKING WHAT!!!!
Do you have to label yourself as pathetic or useless or ugly or a waste of space or all the other horrible things you say to yourself […]
That’s all I’ve ever wanted. To be happy. But it seems further out of my reach with every day I exist. I suppose everyone wants to be happy really…
It just seems like everything is so far out of my reach. This book I’ve been reading, prescribed by a friend that said it would help me, hasn’t been helping me at all to accept societies heinous actions.
My dreams get worse and worse by the day… it just seems like life is trying to break me again. Like its trying its hardest to drive me mad.
It’s just passed noon here and I’m already drunk. I need to write because I’m struggling alone here. I quit all my psych meds and I’m going through some bad shit. I have to stay strong though. Being on meds made me fat and stupid and lazy. I’m tired of living in a fog. I recently read Anatomy of an Epidemic and it’s about how mental illness has gone out of control since the advent of modern psychotropic medication. Big pharmacy companies are full of shit and for most people these drugs do much more harm than good. I recommend anyone suffering on meds read […]
I know i don’t want to die but really, what other option do i have? Life is just too stressful and i don’t know what to do anymore. So for all of you reading this i think im just gonna kill myself, I’ve tried with multiple unsuccessful attempts but in the end im just going to do it while my parents are sleeping. I plan to leave a suicide note for my family and if any of my family is reading this or if someone knows me and figures out its me then please please please tell my mom im sorry and that i did […]
I am currently sitting around, midnight close, waiting for…
Well what?
I have nothing more to do but lie here reading other people’s life stories.
But lying down next to loneliness makes me write this message.
I don’t know what will come out of the following post, but I’m merely letting my fingers wander on the keyboard, awaiting whatever question is suddenly formed.
Perhaps this is a start:
How many of you felt depressed as a teenager (as I am one myself), and the situation never has changed, up to this date?
That you’re still constantly burdened with the same unending sadness from years ago, that still haunts you?
That you have yet […]
Reading some people’s posts here sometimes makes me think that I don’t have it that bad, if things are written on paper. At the same time I think thought that I personally am much worse. People here have attractive personalities and can socialize so well, they say creative things and go back and forth with each other so well. In contrast I just feel like a lurker, a package containing all the negatives of the human experience who found the ultimate worse addictions, feeling sorry for himself and reading about people who truly struggle with real problems.
I wish I could communicate better, and I’m not […]
I’m bored so I’m going to make a riddle about the member I’m intrigued by. Although, I doubt she’ll read this, assuming she isn’t already dead. Now for the riddle: “Despite her disinterest in the superficiality and possible triviality of life, I still think she is intriguing. Despite her interest in older men, I do think we are close in age. Despite her view of being damaged, I think she can still shine brilliantly. Even if it is cracked, a gem can still sparkle. Although she has a habit of calling out those she considers “wolves in sheep’s clothing”, I am completely aware I’m not […]
My escape has always been, and always will be, reading. I’d spend days reading book after book in series before moving onto the next series that caught my interest. Harry Potter, 13 to Life, Shiver, Hush Hush, Fallen, etc. I’d lose myself into the fantasy, just for a little while, and it would ease my pain. It’d make me forget I was sad, if only for a little while.
Now that I’m in college, I don’t have much time for escaping. Not with the work loaded down on me. 5 hours of homework from Accounting 1100 (per day,) at least 4 hours for English, Psychology, and […]