I don’t think I am that messed up of a person. But right now all I want is to go to sleep and never wake up. The root of the problem is that I am lonely. You see, all I ever wanted was a wife and children. I know, it sounds lame, but it is true. But that won’t happen. I came close, once, years ago. But two months before our wedding, she broke it off, because “God told her to”. since then, I have tried again, but I’ve never felt a connection to anyone. And I know that as far as problems go, that […]
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Reason
Where do i start? My mom is my everything. we are exactly alike, well i guess im exactly like her! But she tells me all the time, that im just like her, only more open about it, and at a younger age. its hard to explain. people that know my mom and i understand, they can just tell how we are together. Example? I had an issue with my Chemistry teacher last year, and my mom called him. He said at the end of the call “I can tell youre her mom, you two have the exact same inflections” This man was on the phone […]
I have been struggling with this for a long, long time. Suicide, the word that is there all the time, something I can’t get out of my mind. I know exactly who I am, and what I am going to be if I don’t end this. I’m just an ignorant, ugly, fat, useless waste of air, and that’s exactly what I am going to be for the rest of my life if I dont stop it right now.
I’ve tried everything: I’ve tried to be positive, I’ve tried religion, I’ve tried to have friends, to talk with my family. Nothing works, it seems like I’m some […]
I want to die, I wish I could find my pills and OD on them but I know how much it would hurt the ones who love and care about me. I am feeling very suicidal right now, but every time I reach for the pills I know how much it would hurt those who love me I just do not have enough energy too really keep going. Its only a matter of time before I’m gone <3
So here is my story..
i am a 22 year old female and I’ve never been more lost in my life. I really don’t know why..i have a great family, friends, job etc…but i feel empty, i cant control the way i act, think, or feel. its like someone else takes over and i cant even find myself.  What i find most difficult is to explain how i feel. No words can really express it. I’m usually just all over the place. Say one thing, do another. I’m not exactly sure what i want and I’m very indecisive. i worry about absolutely everything and when i even try to […]
I have a great life: wonderful friends, supportive family, Ivy-league education, but I am tired of all of this.
I can’t concentrate on my school work. When I read something, I the words flutter across the page and land in a jumbled mess that I can’t decipher; when I’m with friends, their conversations fade in and out, and I can’t follow what’s going on half the time. My parents, although they don’t wish for anything but my happiness, are always concerned about how I am, which makes me even more stressed and I never tell them how I am really feeling, because I think that […]
3 years back, my family was in a severe economic crisis – we were broke. Living in a family friend’s house as a whole because we had to move out of our own; my father losing everything he had, spending time in jail and still having debt; having to move to a country quite literally running from money. It was a very bad situation.
But, bad enough as it was, my mother started turning into someone – no, showing a part of herself that me and my sister never knew was in her. She became a total *****. I know it’s unacceptable to be saying stuff […]
I’ve never really shared before, or at least not like this, but I think it maybe time. I cannot look back on my life and think of a time when I was truly happy. I remember as a child wishing God would “take me home with him” I didn’t know why, but I felt that way all the time. I feel like the worst person on the planet, I should be grateful for what I do have. I know there are plenty of people worse off than I am, but for some reason I cannot shake the feeling I’ve had for all of my life. […]
Ever since the incident a week ago I haven’t been normal. My dad got mad at me today for no reason. He broke a plate, I was so scared that he was going to hurt me…again…I know I need to get out but I have no where to go.
I made a break through though, at the time of his freak out I was video chatting with some friends and I told them what he did. The little voice in my head was wrong, they didn’t judge me or anything. I felt better afterwards.
School is the only place I truly feel safe, I love it there…
Another reason to kill myself.. Oh how ‘happy’ that makes me. My family doesn’t accept me for who I am and neither do my friends.. No one is there for me. Like I care though. Okay yeah I admit it- I am emo. And most people think us emo’s are heartless souls. Well that’s not true. Always sitting in a dark, cold corner crying.. Does anyone know what it’s like? It’s painful. Maybe some of you reading this will understand.. I always feel as if I am unimportant, unloved, and unwanted. Oh great I ju- Every ‘quiz’ I take says my life is fu(ked up.. […]
The fact of knowing that i might not get better drives me close to a dead end, maybe life its self is tryna get rid of me, pray to not take me away but then again give me a reason to stay ?
I’m really tired, I can’t live and I can’t kill myself and I spent last years just hiding from the world in my room and trying not to think about it. But now I’m losing strenght, I can’t run from the decision anymore. I’m really afraid, I can’t live because I’m so lonely that I see no reason… and I don’t want to kill myself, I would like to live… I just need someone…
my name is jess and ive been fighting deppression for 3 years i have also been fighting self harm for 2 year and i have recently stopped (for now) and i have an anxiety disorder. so as you can see, im pretty messed up! but what i am going to tell you next you might think im really crazy i think. but for some reason i fantisize about death. i have always just wanted to die. i dont know why i guess cause my life is just so effed up. maybe because ive lived enough of my life to know that i dont want to […]
I said things where better and I thought they where. I was wrong though. just hours after my last post all hell broke loose. My dad went crazy he got mad at me and he threw me on my bed and was shaking me and hitting me and I screamed that I hated him. he grabbed me and dragged me head first off my bed and slammed me to the floor. He saw my mom at the store and he told me that she didn’t want me. Nobody wants me anymore… My family has abandoned me…and I don’t know what to do.
The only reason I am awake […]
Things have gone worse. But, that’s probably good for me. I talked to the school counsellor the other day, and honestly it didn’t help. She’s going to tell my parents. That is why i didn’t want to go in the first place -.- She thinks i suffer with some depression, but it’s probably not a bad one. It’s not like i have trouble sleeping or anything. I’m going downhill, but then i guess that means i’m going uphill in a way. Me suffering is a good thing. It’s meant to be. I’ve lost interest in everything i loved, in food even. I only really eat […]
For the past 10 or 12 years i have known that things in my life weren’t right. How on earth did i allow my sad pathetic life come to this? Alls i know is that i can’t take it anymore, constant thoughts of suicide even if i haven’t guts to do it i still have this strong feeling of wanting to die. I often question my very existance. I do understand what people are trying to do when they write stuff like ” It will get better” stuff like that, but at the same time it never does get any better. Just a few things […]
Just want to say to all who is in hard time at the moment, STAY STRONG, you were born to make a diference in this world.
You are just so much better than those people or things that upset you, who ignoring you, who or what makes you scared… There are people who love you and who DO care for you, they may be near, or you’ll meet them later in your life (you sure will), and they need you. Think about them. Do not be selfish. You are wonderful, beautiful and this world needs you!
Believe in yourself! I DO!
Read some books, look for answers, talk to somebody, look in to yourself, try […]
Dear people,
I want to excuse myself for my English. I’m from the Netherlands so it isn’t very good.
The reason why I wanted to post something on the site is because I wanted to share something with you guys. I know that life can be difficult and harsh, and that you can feel very lonely in the sad world we all helped to create. But I learned something that changed my life. Your life is the most beautifull thing in the world, even if you can not feel it right now. It is like we all have a curtain before our eyes that blinds us to see […]
I couldn’t do it. I got home from sneaking out, couldn’t get back in, had to call my parents then got yelled at. Heaps of guilt! YAY! They’re at wits end with me, said they wished I’d just get it over with. Well you know what? I wish that too. I don’t know why it hurts so goddamn much, and I have no reason for this pain. My life is perfect, and with these pills I can’t feel anything. I fucking hate it. I can’t cry, I’m empty, broken, alone within myself. I hate me, the girl who looks like an attention whore but only […]
So, next year, i’m going to fucking kill myself. Why? i have no fucking idea. I’m SICK of my crap. I’m sick of this depression and social anxiety. I’m sick of myself. I’m sick of being invisible and lonely. I’m sick of thinking this way. I’m sorry to everyone who actual gave a fuck about me, when i’m gone things’ll be better for you. I guess, i’m making a big mistake and i’m sinning by doing this. And from seeing people, like in Africa, who are going through war, starvation and for the woman, who go through sooo much and get raped. Grr, it makes […]