My mind is eating me. Sadness, anger, envy, loneliness, hate, self-loath, jealousy, shyness, sense of failure and other shitty feelings packed in one mind. I fcking hate times like this when I get depressed for no particular reason. I can’t seem to know the reason why but fck this. I try to do things to keep myself from being like this but even playing video games-the one thing that never fails to keep my mind straight- is failing. Had been feeling like this for I dunno maybe a month or two but back then it was just mild. Right now, I really think my mind […]
So I found my ten pack of blades today…
Suffice it to say, yes I statted cutting again.
At least this time its the leg not arm
And its not the blood I want to see but the pain I want to feel to know that…. that…. thats all I have at this point… I dont know anymore than that right now.
The guy I was seeing a couple weeks ago, Aaron, turned out to be a bust. He was a really nice and sweet guy, but his interest ran out. But that’s not my main problem. It’s Presley. I am madly in love with Presley, we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, we were in love with each other, and then all the crap happened with Holly and Amy, he chose both of them over me, and yet we still love each other. I want to yell at him, I want to pound on his chest and beat all of my pain away as […]
So it is currently 10:35am NZ time and doctor’s can’t do their job right gave the wrong medication and stopped breathing for a bit other then that I’m fine someone distract me…. Also in 2 hours I get transferred to the rehab unit so yay for me…FML. HALP 
How’s everyone on sp today ? Anyone heard from Ylem ?
I’m not feeling so low today can someone tell me isit wrong to have suicidal thoughts and not feel to act on them ? right now my mind seems to be jumping between the too one day I think I’m going to act on it then another day il be low but not want to act on it for some reason maybe I don’t have the mental energy I don’t no
Its been a while since I have smiled and actually meant it. It had been so long since I smiled, it hurt to smile for at least 10 seconds. Now my face hurts. It feels great to smile, but now it hurts. I’ve missed smiling, and laughing. It felt like I was actually alive for once. Why don’t I smile anymore, oh right, because there is nothing worth a smile for. But today it happened. But by tomorrow it’s back to how it was before.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I could end it all right now. I want to end it all right now. But I’m a coward and I need encouragement.
I’ve made some bad choices. I have a kid that I love with the wrong guy. We have been in a nasty custody battle for five years. The custody battle really started after I tried to kill myself. My son was with his dad at the time, and that was enough to declare me unfit.
I think I am unfit. He is coming for a visit today, and all I want to do is sleep. I can physically feel that hard core depression, that I have known since I was 11 years old, trying to burst out of my abdomen. That’s where I feel it.
My favorite chapter in Harry Potter The Deathly Hallows is The Wandmaker. I haven’t heard many people that say that’s their favorite chapter, but in my opinion, out of all the books, it’s the most well-written. Harry is faced with a choice and he’s finally coming to terms with it. He is battling against himself, fighting the unknown and doing exactly what he needs to do to get things done even if he doesn’t want to do it. He is in pain. The sense of loss he is feeling is paramount. Be he is the only one that can help the situation. I could read […]
My ex and I talked last night. We basically put our friendship on standby. I think that it was a really bad idea to try to be friends so soon after breaking up. I’m glad we did, because I admit a lot of my anxiety and depression came from that. I do want to be his friend, but it’s just not the right time for him and not the right time for me. I feel as if a load has been taking off of me. But I do feel kind of sad about it. I can’t predict the future and I don’t know if our […]
Reading everything you have to say does make me want to stay. It’s my muse. I look forward to read your words. It’s what keeps me going right now. Is that pathetic?
You know who you are.
I took too many sleeping aids last night, so this morning I feel kind of awful.
Apparently, sleeping aids do strange things to anxiety.
I’m waiting for a therapist to call me back so we can discuss if we’d be a good match.
I’m so tired. And so scared. And so sad.
I want to treat myself to some good Tex-Mex, because it sounds very comforting right now and I want to eat queso and quesadillas. I don’t think I can drive in this state, though. I shouldn’t risk it.
Does anyone else feel like they are programmed to self-destruct?
So I have been temporarily let out of the hospital… On condition that a nurse is always has to come over and check on me I wanted to surprise you guy’s I was let out maybe 6 hours ago I just didn’t feel like talking… The hospital made me worse currently right now is a box of painkillers with over 750 pills in it and I don’t know what’s stopping me from taking the whole lot…. I’m honestly done with life but if I fuck up now and don’t succeed I won’t be let out of the hospital for a year or 2….
My “Mom” is […]
Its seems everyone is having a bad time right now, I now I am, nutty is out (I really hope not for long…) I and everyone else is worried for him, I feel so low right now and yet taking my life just doesn’t seem like the thing to do.
So I will endure for nut and everyone else and for myself (not sure why¿) …but I really dont know what else to do anymore…
How is everyone by the way, I can probably assume not very well but I do want to hear from you.
Hello…
It seems I find myself at yet again another rock bottom. You know just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse it actually does, and it just keeps getting worse and worse.
I just dropped out of college because lets just say depression kind of took over. It seems my childhood events have finally caught up to me. From my step-dad who I thought was my real dad leaving me and my mom on his birthday when I was 7 to my older brother being sentenced to 15 years in prison for committing murder, things just have never been easy for me. I just lost […]
I fucking hate myself im so shit at almost everything i try even when i really try i still fail. I never apply myself, im lazy, i lack enthusiasm and drive, i think too much, i dont get the simpler stuff, im fucked in the head in some way or another or multiple i just know it.
Dont bother commenting or do but im going to bed so laters peeps.
ME
She’s stunning
I’m plain-jane
She’s popular
I’m lame
She’s right
I’m wrong
She’s affluent
I scrape-along
She’s fit
I’m flab
She’s fluent
I’m blab
She’s pretty
I’m not
She’s a circle
I’m a dot
She’s a guest
I’m a pest
She’s neat
I’m a mess
She’s my goals
&
I’m my failure
©2016 Ashley Williams
I’m not doing well. I am beyond upset. I feel so crushed and stupid and so incredibly sad right now. Someone very close to me is probably gone now. I don’t even know what I can do or how to help myself because I’m so sleep deprived and then this shit happens. Twin if you are still here please talk to me. I said you can trust me and I don’t lie. Every word was true. Now I just feel like an idiot.