I cared about her so much and she threw it away. It was my fault but goddammit that doesn’t make it hurt less. I’m such an ass. I made her do things she didn’t want to and I ruined it. I… I’m a selfish prick… I’m going to cry and wish I could die tonight, but I won’t. I’m better than that. But this won’t stop hurting. not for a long time. This burns. Hollywood Undead. Black Dahlia. Most of it applies, but not all. Fuck. I care so much about her. I just want to make her happy. I thought I’d be okay being […]
Tag:
selfish
Well, I don’t know what I am doing here. I have officially ruined everyone I am close to’s life. I had a best friend, the only one I’ve ever had, and I ruined it by being an ass. No surprise here. My family is so awesome, and I keep messing it up for them. I can’t stop, either. I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time, and I’ve basically lost all control of myself. I ruined my life a long time ago, but I deserved that. I don’t know how to stop. How does […]
Why do we pick days for suicide? I have been trying to plan mine for a fucking year, maneuvering the date around birthdays or special occasions. But then I realized, it doesn’t matter what day it is. It doesnt matter if we leave a note expressing our apologies to loved ones or telling them how much we love them. It is never going to take the pain away. Suicide is selfish and I’m not going to bullshit myself anymore. It just is. But people make selfish decisions all the time, not revolving around death. I’m choosing this for me. For once in my life, I’m […]
My whole life I’ve felt so empty and worthless, it’s like I don’t belong here, I used to be the kind of person who just put on a mask and tried to live life thinking, “Well if I can’t know happiness I’ll just try and make others happy instead.” Bad idea. People will take advantage of you every single time whether you see it or not, no one cares, and the ones who do are only pretending so they can get something out of you in the end. I hate living, hate it. every time I look at my own reflection I get […]
How do I do this? How do I say the things I want to? My whole life I’ve been told I come second- to everyone and everything else. Not even second, dead last.
I’ll never be good enough for anyone, no matter what.
I’m just a mistake. A failure. I’ve tried so hard, but I’ll never make it. I’m too lazy and stupid and selfish and stubborn.
I’m not a good person, at least not anymore.
People might have called me kind once upon a time, but that’s long since been replaced by ‘cruel’ and ‘arrogant’.
Heck, I […]
This is my first time posting on here, but I really feel alone right now. Even when I’m with my family I still feel lonely. All my friends left me when they found out I have depression. I’ve been suffering from it for 5 years now and about a month ago I tried to commit suicide. all I can think about is commiting suicide again except this time I will make sure I succeed. Ive been working on a plan since I got out of the hospital. I can’t keep going on like this I need my suffering to end. Ive been cutting for A […]
basically for over 3 years now i wake up with the same question in my head, what happened?/when did i start to feel this way?/what the hell caused this?! for 3 years now, I still have no clue. Why am i so sad? why am i even depressed? why is it every time I’m hanging out with my family or my friends i feel alone and empty? I’ve literally lost myself. I’m not the same anymore. I don’t find excitement or happiness in the things that i used to, i don’t want to hang out with any one anymore, all I wanna do is be left […]
I’m not a selfish person. I’ve been told suicide is selfish. People will miss you, greive, feel guilt, brcw depressed themselves. Your parents. Siblings. Friends. Grandparents. Extended family. They’ll hurt. Some, forever. My parents, especially my mother, will be forever grieving.
My life is good. Good job, family, friends, lifestyle, living conditions, amentities… There is not much i need that I don’t have. Sure I’m single, but I’m seeing someone, kind of, and he’s great. Other guys ask me out, I have to turn them down.
But still I can’t shake this.
I feel like I’m spiralling down a rabbit hole.
I don’t want to get up in the […]
It would be selfish for me to kill myself considering all that my parents have done for me. They are the only 2 human beings that actually care about me. I just want to apologize to my parents for having such a big piece of crap that I am. I am literally already dead but still breathing. I stare brain dead into the computer screen all day, every tiny part of me is gone and I have to cry myself to sleep everyday. Being depressed for 5 years does that to people. How much longer I can keep going for my parents remains a mystery. […]
My Sadness makes no sense,
So, to you:
It’s unacceptable.
It’s selfish,
It’s not okay.
My Sadness comes from failure:
Failure to satisfy you,
The world,
Myself.
I fear failure and so I fall.
My Sadness hides in shadows
Behind smiles,
Behind bravado,
Behind happiness –
I’m not allowed this Sadness.
My Sadness crushes my windpipe.
I’m drowning,
Sinking,
Dying slowly
Smiling all the while.
My Sadness is forbidden
So I sneak it
In the dark,
Round the corner,
On my own.
My Sadness isn’t a weapon
To use against you,
I hate the Sadness.
Just like you
I’m sorry
Well, it’s not getting any easier. Everyday seems to be more and more challenging. I think I’m at the end of my rope. Everyone just keeps saying time with heal everything, and it’s becoming a very annoying phrase to hear. Everyday I question my existence. I’ve wrote my not last week while at work. I’m leaving it in my box for access when I’m gone. I want to scream out for help so bad, but I know I can’t. It seems like a act for attention to most people. I’ve really only told one person that I considering it. And once again, I get told […]
Wether you like it or not. Your feeling of worthlessness gets stronger by the minute. Everything irritates you event the sound of the Birds Tweeting is just enough. I feel tired just tired and there is nothing that seems to lifts you out of this mood you are in. It is what it is. I am afraid. I am afraid of leaving my sons on their own to fend for themself. Is suicide selfish or is it selfish of those around you that dont understand anything for you to carry on marching on.
I bottled it last time. Something stopped me. I hope I have more courage this time. The thing that stopped me last time is gone now. No more. Destroyed. Just like I destroy everything. I don’t feel now which is a blessing. I really can’t take anymore. If I’m lucky by this time tomorrow I will have found peace. I don’t belong here. I don’t belong anywhere. All I do is destroy. I’m selfish and difficult and I hurt people. I don’t mean to but my very existence, by being what I am hurts those around me. It’s better that I go. I want to […]
I have become increasingly withdrawn from people in the last few months and in doing so I have improved my physical health and acquired new hobbies of reading and piano, which I neglected for a long time. I’m in college now, but I was wrapped up in a materialistic/superficial mindset ever since middle school and I feel like I’m just starting to get to know myself again. So I feel good about these growing aspects of myself but am constantly plagued by guilt of questioning whether I’m an “evil” or bad person…I know these can be symptoms of depression. I don’t feel that I can […]
I rambled with the worst of them.
Fell in love with a harlequin.
Saw the darkest hearts of men.
And I saw myself staring back again.
I am so fucking selfish.
So self-absorbed.
So unworthy.
I think I’m a monster.
Hello fellow humanoids,
I am new here, this is my first post, feedback is appreciated.
Recently while delving into the depths of internet suicide material, I came accross a few mentions of how suicide is a very selfish way to die. This rather annoyed me as, on the contrary, I find it a very unselfish, noble way to die. Surely one has a right to be selfish with ones own life? Surely it is those who preach this that are being selfish? They ask us to remain trapped in these useless lives, suffering everyday, just so they dont have to deal with our deaths.
I […]
I believe I’m a very manipulative person. I have been manipulative with almost everyone I care about in one way or another. I do it to one person all the time without even realizing it. That’s how natural it has become. I don’t want to be this way. It disgusts me that I attempt to control the ones I love. Not gonna state any reasons because there’s no justification. I’ve been trying hard to work on it, but all I’m doing is second-guessing myself. I feel like no matter what I say it’s solely to benefit myself. We’re all selfish, and it’s healthy to an […]
I was raised to think that depression and suicide were selfish acts committed in the despair and hollowness of one’s own soul based on their selfish desires. My mom gave me this idea. Strange, seeing how she used to be suicidal.
I have seen the families of suicide victims first hand. They rot away until they are dead themselves. Mere skins of the people they once were. And I feel selfish.
Why do I want to put my family through that? Why do I want to take my own life just because it would benefit me? Went to church today and the preacher was talking about […]
This is a pretty self-indulgent post, sorry. You people are hurting, and deserve something other than a selfish teen’s rant. Please stop reading if it’s wasting your time. It just helps to scream, sometimes. This really belongs in a journal, rather than a forum. Here goes.
I’m hurting others right now. My mother’s saddened, my grandmother’s angry, my aunt has lost respect for me. I’m dressing a certain way and it’s hurting them. My mom’s fighting an eating disorder and my guy clothes are bothering her – hell, I’m her only daughter, so that’s one more thing drifting away from her.
My grandma sat me down and […]
Hmm… Well I’m 27. And this feeling(s) have not subsided since my adolescence. On the contrary, every year gets worse. There is so much to write about. I don’t feel like getting into most of it. But I will say the one of the worst feelings is when you regret regretting ending your life. And it haunts me so. And I know that if don’t end it sunday. Monday will be full of regrets. Deep down I don’t want to end it. I mean I do, but at the same time. I want something worth living to stop me. Ofcourse I feel like a coward […]