are we half alive when we dream? or do we dream because we are half alive? would life be better if we were in a dream? if we continue as we are when we die.. how do we know some of us arnt already dead? what do we live for? if we have pain and hate and love and death… how can we be happy? tragic things … what makes life all worth it.. if nothing was worth it.. wede all be gone… so obviasly … there is always sompthing worth living for… what if we never felt pain.. even though … life has torn […]
Tag:
Sleep
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
When they read that Robert Frost picture book to us in kindergarten, I don’t think they were really telling us what his poem meant.
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(Whose woods these are I think I know,
His house is in the village though.)
If I had a gun right now, I wouldnt be typing this.. i would be dead. Unluckily for me, I live in Ireland.
There is nothing wrong with my life and nothing that I cant change.I just lack the motivation to do whats best for myself and use my talents. I know where im going wrong but I choose to do nothing. Im the only one at fault, I dont blame the world for my own lack of effort. The truth is that life just bores me… learn to drive, get a job, buy a house, get married, have kids and die. That pretty much […]
Its hard to agree with others when they say i need mental help. I have been through so much, suicide is the only way out. To be honest i have had so many suicide attempts, i lost count. I’ve been put through so much help. I just want to be loved. Is that too much to ask for? My life started failing for me when i was about 5. I used to get molested by my older next door neighbor. Its hard trying to write all of this down when i have tears in my eyes, its a hard topic for me to speak about, […]
so tired. My apartment has rats in the ceiling.
I had 2 weeks of peace as I’d moved into my new apartment. Before then, I was at my mothers for 2 month, at my dads friends house int he burbs for 1 month and a half and then ina shitty, insect fiiled apartment before that(for about 8 months).
Before that I had the dream apartment in the dream neighborhood but I had to move because I was paying too much rent. The cost of perfection was half my monthly pay. Since Jan 1 2011 I’ve been cold(uncomfortable), but like I said, I had two wonderful weeks […]
Well. I’m only fifteen, and already I want my life to end. Ever since I was eight years old, my life has been a mess. My parents divorce was the spark of everything. I’ve been depressed for seven years, but the past two years it’s been hitting me hard. Every night I cry, wanting it to end. I use to pray to God to kill me in my sleep or to let me have at least one good day. I got neither, and gave up my faith. I wake up every morning, wondering why I even bother getting out of bed. I can’t find one […]
Hi….I dont know may be whatever i am saying looks so stupid but i want to say.
After i lost my mom, the same month i met a girl on internet. Her Name is Muyasar. She was so beautiful and preety, Specially her eyes like a sweet cute angel. No one want to see tear in her eyes. As i start to talk i get know her heart is already broked. i was so confused which person who can make her heart break. She told how her bf not trusting her and always use bad words for her. I tried to make her understand if a guy […]
I have attempted suicide twice. Once by hanging and once by pills and alcohol.
Both times I saw it as the only way to end the pain of being alive, of living my life, with my thoughts and my ideas of my future.
And both times I was radically incorrect about how my life would turn out. As I write this I am only now aware of that. I was so totally wrong about how things would play out for me, of all the joys and experiences I would have, of the love I would feel, of the ups that would somehow manifest themselves. If I had […]
After 2 months I thought I got rid of the awful virus that is eating me alive but I shaved my pubic area and the warts came back with a vengance. I’m in constant pain. All I want to do is sleep to escape. In my dreams I am normal again; the girl in my dreams was not date raped by a scum bag, her innocence and her healthy body are intact. But when I wake up I am diseased, damaged goods. It doesn’t matter how attractive and fit I am because I am a disease carrier. I am destined to be alone for the […]
I’ve come to realize that i can’t do this anymore!! i feel lifeless… why live when all u can do is cry and feel bad everyday. even though i hide it around my friends and family.. its getting harder to do…. i can’t go on like this.. i feel like screaming!!
my sister… well she’s just being her normal self.. mean!
today i had to take the city bus home.. it never came so i ended up taking the 45min walk to my house in the freezing cold with only a sweater. i get home at 5 and get under a blanket to warm up. […]
I guess I’m suicidal. My stomach churns just putting that label next to my name. I think about it all the time. I think about all the things wrong. I get sucked into that black hole where you just keep going down and down. And then I find myself on facebook in an immature poke-battle with one of my best friends (who I also happen to have been hopelessly in love with for years) and I can’t wipe the smile off my face as I watch the notification pop up again and again. A real smile, not the stupid fake one I plaster on my […]
I am not a child anymore but you still look at me like one because of my actions that you assume is childish and immature. However, I strongly believe that my actions are rational with deep reasoning that you cannot see or try to understand. All you did in your life was stuff your own logic into me that chocked me and suffocated me to the point that I no longer want to reason with you.
My dear parents, I thank you for giving birth to me and for letting me see this wonderful world which I love but also hate to the extreme. However because […]
Today I woke up feeling great. I have been getting accupuncture and it finally started working. I was date raped 6 months ago and contraced genital warts as a result. It finally cleared up. Felt so good, went dancing with friends. I was completely sober, just dancing and having fun. This guy tries to dance wih us and we move away. All night he keeps bugging us, we ignore him the tell him to leave us alone. He goes and gets his friends. They surround us and contined to harass us. The guy gets in my face. I tell him to leave us alone. […]
Well I’m not sure how much more I can take. The feelings of everyone person hating me for anything is hurting so bad that it feels like I can’t even breathe. The verbal abuse at home and at work is just to much. I know that sounds stupid but it’s constant all day every day. The one person I thought would always be there for me is starting to think I want to stay and live with it. But that’s not true I just don’t have anywhere to go and to think about trying to live with her would be to much on her. When […]
The happiest day of my life is when i ODed on ibprophens and i thought i was dead i stayed sleep for two days straight only to wake up in the hospital
Ok, so next week, I have two major exams. And I’m terrified. Sitting in the same place for at least an hour and a half with so many people surrounding and staring at me, OCD has just made it worse, what with fullstop routines and my fear of writing in pen, which I have to do for the exams. I obviously don’t want to fail but my mind is telling me that I will.
I know that I wont be able to use a pen.
I have also developed a major fear of death, which is weird for a suicidal person… I basically think about it all […]
i need to keep busy because every time I’m not I’m more sad and i only think of how I’m gonna be alone forever…
kayso… I’ve told you guys about my break up… it was on january 2nd and ever since that night i cry myself to sleep every night…
theres two other guys….they both like me.. but also live far away… and i know i like them… but it hurts to admit it becuz i feel so guilty… i miss my boyfriend so much…. and they other two guys are trying to cheer me up and make me happy…. and it works… but as soon […]
It’s been so long.
Yet here I am, back where I started.
I can’t believe that a person could say this to me, with the knowledge that my brother is austistic…
“Respecting retards isn’t respectful. putting them out of their misery and doing them a favor, however… is.”
With that one sentence; that person has hurt me in every way possible.
He could have called me every name in the book: whore, dyke, ****, slut, *****, etc. and I wouldn’t have cared.
But having the balls to say that to me…to my brother…someone he doesn’t know….
How could someone say that?
How can they sleep at night knowing that by saying that they […]
hi all. i am 38 and i have been a carpenter all of my life. i am also not one of the thinnest men in the world. i am good at what i do, but there is no joy in me. i live in a little country, were its wrong to not be happy. i find no happynes in anything, and my girlfriend has not been touching me at all for over 4 months.. there is no work to be found. i barly can get the things to fit, and i am always outa money. i have tried to end it before, 2 times to […]