I get ignored just like usual. If i want to go out anywhere or do anything I just seem to go by myself these days. If i go with family members it just turns into one huge screaming match by the end of it. I know my sis is graduating high school and that’s great and all… But it feels like if i say anything people just get irritated and annoyed. I’m trying to stay positive and happy with my music and thoughts but i know i am slowly slipping. The guy i really like. we have so much in common and weve been friends […]
Alone in my room. Seclusion of my mind. Distortion of my life.
Emptiness surrounding me. Darkness shrinking proximity. Sanity is slowly progressing towards the farthest realms away from me. Out of my grip.
The sun is warm. The moon is pale. Rain is moving in.
Another form of discontented absolution. I pray to never feel the warmth of the sun and its lies. I pray to never understand the darkness and the truth it’s proving.
I’m straddled on a chair. The rope is synced to a sturdy place. The rope around my neck shows comfort and truth. Soon I will join the ranks of fallen.
Hello,
It’s been awhile. I’m doing alright, I think. Do you ever just lay down and think of all the bad things? Then it takes forever for those thoughts to die down just quiet enough to sleep decently. Past few days I haven’t slept well. I hate this feeling. One second I’m perfectly fine. Next second everything changes. Questions flood my mind. I get this blank feeling spreading across my chest, almost like its trying to take over. Ways to prevent me from moving on. It really sucks when I don’t cry. I just sit here for minutes to hours doing nothing but thinking. If I […]
Not literally but mentally. The saddest and most painful kind of dying is the kind on the inside. It takes time and you slowly become a you who is not you. I feel like everyday i am getting closer till whats left of myself gets sucked out of me. My personality, my spirit, my happiness. I only have some left and everyday i get closer because Im trapped. I just need to move out really soon. I have to leave with the little i have left.
I’ve just come back from a long late night walk [UK] on a Saturday night [weirdo uh?]. Just to try and beat the massive psychosomatic anxiety for a while. I am incredibly lonely, the only people I talk to are my aging parents. The world is a terrifying and unforgiving place for meek people like me. The isolation is slowly sending me insane. My parents know I’m deeply depressed but not that I crave death. I feel I live in a world full of happy people who will never understand or feel the pain people like me do so they will never understand or empathize. […]
So I’ve lost hope now. Years and years of therapy, waiting a shit load of money – sorry mum. I just feel like nothing is helping. I’m still cutting and going deeper and worse, I’m still suicidal and getting closer to death and my mind is going darker and darker, losing its contrast. I’m slowly giving up and all it’s doing is hurting my family.
I’ve been giving up on everything. First it was a few missing homework assignments, then classes, now tests. I’m also slowly giving up on my hobbies and sports, too. What have I become to be? I cut myself, and starve myself, and now I’m giving up.
This is the shortest post I have made, but every time I read it, I cry every time.
Damn it’s hard to try live like normal people I feel myself slowly slipping back into that dark place been trying to fight it and I still will but time will tell how things will go how is everyone doing today u know when u got so much on your mind that your mind goes blank and your body is on autopilot that’s how I feel
from 2009 of a brief stay inside the mental clinic. For 6 days I wrote terribly cringeworthy entries on a flipbook… and drew even more cringeworthy pictures. Gave me a good laugh. Yet one sentance stood out to me:
[…]I am important to People, and they like me for who I am and what I do[…]
What happened in 7 years since then? Today I am convinced of the opposite. Infact have attempted suicide multiple times because of issues of worthlessness etc. I wrote further […] “I learned my lesson, I will never attempt suicide again” […]
Yet I remember another attempt on suicide just a few […]
Cerebral Atrophy.
“Generalized brain atrophy.”
http://www.healthgrades.com/conditions/cerebral-atrophy
It isn’t reversible. As you can read from that link, there is no cure, and no way to restore the lost brain cells.
Sometimes it can worsen into Alzheimer’s Disease, which is what my grandmother died of.
It was a hell of a horrible way to die.
Before it was all over, she spent years knowing NOTHING, and not recognizing anyone, not even her own children or grandchildren. The police found her walking down the highway in the middle of the night, carrying a towel and a bowl of potato salad. She couldn’t remember anything from one minute to the next. She […]
I’m so tired of being tired. I don’t have the energy or focus to do anything worthwhile. I can’t move forward – I don’t have the strength. I struggle to even do the bare minimum. I’m just here, slowly decaying. I’m scared to give up – to die. But nothing will change if I stay. I can’t sleep properly. I can’t eat without stomach pains. I can’t be around people without gut wrenching anxiety. This isn’t some temporary stage that’ll pass. This is me.
I’m just here, not dying, not really living. It could be worse. It probably will get worse.
I don’t know how to live […]
My anxiety is kicking in because of the words/fight that was exchanged between me and my brother he’s coming to see me and I couldn’t be more scared ya see family is aloud to come visit me I’m aloud to have my brothers kids for the night I’m having a panic attack and my breathing is slowly getting worse my lungs hurt and I’m hyperventilating I need to distract myself I’m all alone till he arrives….. Help me……
I hate April.
Someone please, beat me till I’m numb. Strangle me… Fucking shatter every bone in my body…
I can feel the pain. The memories flooding my head all at once. I overthink things but this is too much. My thoughts are racing. It feels like last year… Last year’s events are slowly playing out in my head…
I still remember what happened on each day of April. From the first till the 30th. I fucking hate this.
Someone please save me from myself!!!
I don’t want advice. I don’t want to talk. i just want ideas on how to die slowly, memorably, and painfully.
I was happier. Slowly depleating. Memories of the good times. A video I made.
Cringe cringe cringe cringe I’m sick of this shit being dumped on me can’t handle it anymore even though I probably sound happy as fuck I’m not. Im slowly killing myself everyday causing my own pain I’m sick of my so called “brother” taking advantage of me. Just because he wants to fix his own life don’t come destroying mine honestly you made your decision marrying that ***** who takes control over your whole and the minute you say no she never lets you forget and then you get depressed and drink your own sorrows away. Can’t you see i’m trying to recover and heal […]
I really don’t know how I used to purge it’s so fucking hard now mayb because I’m getting older or weaker ? I have lost the will to live so I guess the will power has gone to so unless a miracle happens or I get it right next time I’m going to be fat and depressed no i won’t let that happen il kill myself before that happens hope I get the strength to get it right because watching my weight gain slowly is like a slow suicide in its self And people say things get better being alive is a living hell !!!
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