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someone
My mind is blank I want to write but can’t I’m physically here but mentally gone
think I really did die last year but my soul just not accepting to leave the body
Last week someone said I’m here for a reason what reason that what’s my purpose ?
My hearts pounding.
I want to call it quits for tonight, and go to bed.
Its only 10 PM. This’ll be the first time going to bed at 10 PM (before midnight) after months, and years and …
Too long.
I am not moving.
I am not caring.
I am sad and helpless and I need something
i’m holding onto my head stressing about going to bed so early. I haven’t done this before. What if I get horrible sleep paralysis tonight? This is a horrible decision. I’m going to be so f;ing–
Help. Someone help. Its wrong it feels wrong.
I gotta say some of this is my OCD crap. Its as if […]
I don’t know how to go on anymore. I don’t know who I am without the context of someone else. When I’m alone, I hate myself. I don’t want to live feeling this way. I don’t want to be an angry person and I don’t want to hurt other people. It’s the reason why I want to die and the reason why I live. I hate the contradiction. I’m constantly hoping, dreaming that the choice will be taken out of my hands (e.g. hit by a semi, shot in a drive-by, mugged and killed in the street, etc.) because I don’t know what to do.
I’m […]
Let’s make this a monthly thing, anyone can start it.
Once a month, near the end of the month, let’s have “Tea time”.
Tea time is grabbing a cup of tea, coffee, water, soda, alcohol, simpily something to drink. (If you have nothing, that’s ok you don’t have to).
The rules will apply:
1) No hate.
2) No methods.
3) No partners (the same basic rules of SP).
4) No random blurts (you can have fun but be considerate).
5) No judgements.
6) Let each other express themselves freely.
7) Relax and share something about yourself.
This is a chance to talk in a group or one on one with someone. Discussions will follow with;
Suicide (doesn’t […]
Another day without her.
Another day with the painful memories of the past.
Another day I need to move my stuff out. 7 days left here at this place that saw everything fall apart.
Another day still don’t know where going to next.
3 cigarettes and memories of how things once were, where things were going, between sips of black coffee, trying to wrap my head around how things came to this. How I became this person, unrecognizable from photos taken only 10 months before.
The fear it’ll never get better, and only possibly worse.
Homeless at 34, abandoned hope for a brighter future, the […]
Trying to be happy and supportive for someone you care about when you’re just broken inside and watching them live the dreams you’ve always wanted to reach is such a test of your kindness and acceptance. When you know your dreams are going under-appreciated, you don’t have the ability to reach them, and it’s just handed to someone who doesn’t even know how much it pains you to see them there where you should be, your heart just shatters.
You bite your lip to keep them from knowing you hate them inside. You crawl into bed early and force yourself to eat when you’re no […]
I’ve been called beautiful by many people, yeah sure that’s good, um no it’s not. 90% of the people that have called me beautiful would just say that to get something out of me. They wanted to use me for nudes and shit, I thought that they really meant it, but the next thing they want is nudes. Women are not sex toys, and neither are men. People need to stop using other people, for something that they want. If someone wants something then just say it don’t make up so many lies to cover up for something that’s wrong. Don’t give someone compliments that […]
so last night I posted that nights have been hard and days were fine with me. This morning I woke up feeling just as bad as I did last night and I’m upset that a good sleep didn’t help 🙁 also wondering how someone can cry for nearly 2 hours straight without running out of tears. Couldn’t manage to get myself out of bed for class so this sucks.
I’ve become so depressed that I started cutting my wrist, not long ago. I wear long sleeves and sweat shirts to hide the scars. But the other day it was warm out so i wore a short sleeve shirt and brought a jacket to hide the scars if I needed to. It turns out that I didn’t need the jacket because everyone who must have seen my cuts didn’t give a fuck about it. They would look at my wrist then at my face and turn around and act like nothing happened. Um… hello you know that what you just saw isn’t something you always […]
Some one could plzzzzz tell me the name of the orchastration playing in Raja 2003’s background trailer with cello/violin, its a Film Movement movie (youtube it or google) and I just love the sound…
Which music calms the nerves PPL, ya kno like David played his harp to keep king Saul(?) from killing him, we can play/hear it to stop ourselves…especially with such gorgeous pieces as the one in RAJA plz someone name it…!
Yet another terrorist attack has happened this time in Brussels. Its depressing. When ever a shooting or attack happens i can’t help but to think why does someone have to lose their loved ones and i have to stay. I get so depressed i can’t help but to want to die. If i trade my life for any person who matters who died in any act of senseless violence i would. It doesn’t feel right at all.
someone fight me maybe it’ll fix me
I get these overwhelmingly strong feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness and anxiety and frustration with myself. It’s been like this now for the past year. I tried to hide all of it from people for quite a while but one day I got a panic attack in class and that’s when my friends found out that my smiles had been fake all this time. I try to drop some hints to my mum that I feel “down” or “I just want to end it all” but she thinks its all just teenage angst or just hormones at this age.
Is it really just angst if I […]
23 hours left. (I’m sorry I’m going to post so much.)
Suicide Project. The name in it’s own.
Have you ever thought about is? Suicide project. That name. It’s cleaver. I would like to believe that it is that for a reason. For a purpose.
We the people of Suicide Project are almost like lab rats. Being watched. Just a group of people struggling with what is simpily death. I imagine someone is observing us. Seeing how we react to each other. How we help each other. What it’s like to be suicidal. Or you can look at it this way.
We are an ongoing project. As long […]
There have been so many times when my brain fails me. If I try to function like a normal human being and actually make a connection with someone, my brain won’t let me. If I try to change my environment or take a step in the right direction, there is blockers again.
Idk of its anxiety or just feeling of powerlessness but I feel trapped within myself. Like there is an internal cage that has always been there in my life but it only gets stronger has it takes control over more and more of my life.
People say there is help out there but I doubt […]
This will probably turn into a rant or something, oh well.
I’m terrified of everything. The voices won’t leave me alone. They want me to do things, and I know I’m going to end up doing them. They want me to jump from a bridge, or a building, now. They say bad things will happen if I don’t. I don’t want to hear them anymore. They scare me.
I still haven’t saw my doctor, there weren’t any appointments last week. I don’t know when I next see my therapist, and I see my psychiatrist on the 12th (the Angels haven’t been saying she’s much of a threat […]
Thinking of The Neverending Story of the End of the Beginning of the End…
by uni687
written by uni687
Lately, I’very been putting together a bucket list of things I would do if tomorrow didn’t exist or there would be no tmorrow very soon. Some activities appear normal while some are batsh*t insane. Deeds where the worst of my actions would leave me shame or embarrassment, or the greatest acts of kindness would present some of the best things I could offer those around me. Most things I have on that list show how selfish I can be, and the remainder show how selfless I am depending on the scenario. I suppose, if I am selectively selfless, wouldn’t that still make me selfish since […]
If you don’t hear from me tomorrow I’m sorry. At least my profile will still be here. At least there is something left behind of me. Something someone can look back on. At least I know I will be missed by everyone here. At least I know you guys care. But it’s not enough right now. If I’m heard from by tomorrow night, I made it through tonight. I imagine them waking up in the morning to find my corpse hanging in the bedroom. I imagine what they would do or say. I hope I can watch them cry. I hope I can see their […]
I just saw an ex-colleague I have a thing for for the first time in three months. Kind of weirded me out, because a) I thought she’d moved hundreds of miles away, and b) it was the first time I’ve left the house in a week. I find myself thinking about her often, (which is sad and pathetic for so many reasons), and then there she suddenly is.
I didn’t talk to her or anything – didn’t even catch her eye. Had the weird feeling of simultaneously dreading her noticing me, or saying anything – because of my extreme social awkwardness – whilst longing for her to […]