i get deja vu so often i don’t know what’s real and it makes me panic. my head is all messed up and tied in knots and i can’t stop thinking about how this isn’t real, this is all fake somehow, i’m fake, and it makes me suicidal. i want to feel real again i haven’t felt really real in so long it makes me sick. i’m panicking right now and i don’t know what to do anymore just that i want to stop pretending to exist
I just wanted to say thank you to all who share. I like to share sometimes, but I have a really hard time commenting on others posts. I know how much it means to me when people comment on my posts, so I wish I would do it more for others. The reasons I don’t is because I’m worried that I’ll either sound dumb or give advice that does harm. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if someone hurt themselves because something I said was taken wrongly.
It’s so weird that I want to kill myself, but would do anything to help stop others from […]
Soo… hey everyone!
Been down these past days, but at least I didn’t take any pills today so I’m not falling asleep everywhere.
I want to share some stuff with you guys, if you’d let me.
First, tomorrow would be my dad birthday, hadn’t he died from cancer two years ago (a quickly abstract for those who didn’t read my previous post: I feel responsible for that).
Even though out of my four sisters I only speak to one (and a half. Does text count as talk?), my mother want ALL of her daughters to spend the day together and try and be nice with […]
Happy Tuesday to me…. FML I hate waking up I just want it to stop all the words, the voices, the demons just stop and leave me alone.
*closes box* but seriously though…. *rage quits life*
Well, things have gotten worse. My parents found out that I was going on this site (they went through my search history, apparently privacy is a privilege that I can’t have) and they were furious. They sent me to some doctor who diagnosed me with bipolar disorder and OCD (yey me). Oh, and I still don’t have any friends. At least the weather is warming up, gonna get to use that charcoal and tent soon.
Why are you’s trying to hurt me ?
Make me bleed , make me crazy.
Why make me feel useless ,worthless make me grovel?
Why hold me down and destroy me take my life away , break me ?
Just let me go stop hurting me please I can’t take it anymore .
Anything I had ,you belittled made it crap, shitty, garbage.
I trusted you all stop hurting me.
Why make feel so wothless?
Why do you’s want me this way?
What do you get a crushed hopeless girl?
I was chiped […]
So I can often relate, I have and continue to struggle with multiple mood disorders and suicidal thoughts/tendencies. What really irritates me, even though I understand, is the constant barrage of teeny boppers who always say the same thing: This is just how life is, this is how it will always be, and theres nothing I can do to change it. I understand the feeling of helplessness very well, I just wish they could understand that all they are doing by surrendering unconditionally to their situation is admitting defeat. Once you stop fighting, the battle may as well be lost. As long as you are […]
I can’t stop crying and I can’t sleep.
Strangely, I’m scared that I may have a panic attack. I read somewhere about the low-grade ones where your heart races and you’re scared and your mind turns blank… but now I can’t seem to find information about this.
I’m at such a loss. I don’t know what to do. I feel so scared.
I took a lot of sleep aids again tonight, even though I told myself I wouldn’t. I can’t stop hurting myself.
I think this is probably withdrawal, but looking at the way things have been going so far this year, I’m almost positive that these pills aren’t […]
I’m waiting, and today I can’t seem to be patient. I need you, I need your words. I need to read. It’s been dark today. You are mt crutch tonight and I hate myself for letting myself think that way. I don’t need a crutch, what am I doing? I’ve sunk a little more today. It’s been at a constant rate for days.
My own thoughts.
Stop fucking sinking. God, you’re pathetic.
come to think about it my lifes been a mess from the start from around 8 all iv knew is pain and suffering and reality it hard to bare I now understand why I used to drink and smoke weed everyday been sober for 3 years reality is hard mentally there a lot going on that I cant cope with it all my whole lifes been a dream I could see my self from a distance but can’t stop my self
I’m trying to quit only because if I carry on this way people are going to notice eventually. No one knows but my therapist, who I told because I can’t make myself stop and am hoping she can help me stop. But I love it so, so much. I love the pain and watching the blood, I love feeling like for once I’ve done enough, I’ve made up for my mistakes, I love having flexing my arm during day-to-day life later and having it twinge, I love it all. The only nuisance is people noticing. If not for that I could probably sit and cut […]
just told my huband I want to die he ask why twll me so i can help . i told im worthless he said why you worthless I said because Im am . lol he thinks he can stop it im pray for fod to kill me I want to die .
My patato salad at its best lol
I’m actually happy and in a good mood from listening to a long bunch of good music and talking to good peeps and yet I cant stop thinking about death hmm maybe im just obsessed now…
Me-Already been laying here 3 hour
insomnia – haha yeah and I’m wide awake
me-my eyes burn Close eye
insomnia -u can close your eyes it don’t stop your brain from thinking about your whole life right til now
me-you do I we’ve almost been up 24hours
insomina – haha yeah so what who needs sleep ?
Right ….
Some one could plzzzzz tell me the name of the orchastration playing in Raja 2003’s background trailer with cello/violin, its a Film Movement movie (youtube it or google) and I just love the sound…
Which music calms the nerves PPL, ya kno like David played his harp to keep king Saul(?) from killing him, we can play/hear it to stop ourselves…especially with such gorgeous pieces as the one in RAJA plz someone name it…!
Is there a reason why nights are so much harder? I was fine all day, but now I’m having back to back anxiety attacks. My chest is aching and I can’t stop sobbing. My thoughts are eating me alive.
Oh, fuck it, stop saying it gets better, just stop… it’s a bad joke.
I mean, why is it, that people genuinely don’t want me to die, “oh no, please don’t kill yourself, i mean, we’ll still hate you, you won’t accomplish anything, and even if you could, we won’t let you because we hate you, remember?”
It’s like they can smell it on me, how ‘pathetic’ and ‘retarded’ I am, fuck, even online, people seem to avoid me or stamp me out like the plague…
Really, they just don’t want to feel guilty for being a shit, and if they get a good laugh out of it, […]
A few weeks back I was arrested for fraud and as I type this letter the Police are investigating me.
My life has collapse – I have lost my marriage, I will lose my house, no job and my dearest two boys particularly my youngest (14) does not want to know me but my oldest is autistic so he cannot comprehend the situation.
Our marriage has always been stressful – looking after our autistic son, my health problems and wife’s depression. Our youngest was always was protected – giving him a carefree life with a great education. With that protection he is now in a Royal Ballet […]
I hate this fat unlovable unattractive unnecessary pimple filled lonely face. I hate being constantly reminded of my romantic/sexual irrelevance to women. Im tired of working out and eating better just to pig out and ruin it. Im tired of being ugly. The moments that give me peace are the moments where my chest/heart go funny. I know its just the caffeine and bronkaid effecting me. I wish I could just die. I’m tired of being poor irrelevant lonely fat and depressed. Im tired of it it makes me sick. Sick of living sick of everything. No one will ever want me. I try to […]
…That is a lie. There are times when I can go whole hours without noticing it.
But any time I have to do something involving conscious thought, up it pops. My body is hard-wired to react negatively to encounters with reality. Everything is just another sign that I’m inferior. That I will never live up to my own expectations. That I’m a failure as a human-being.
I’m trying to accept these feelings. This despair that smothers me. But it’s exhausting. I get a few hours a day when I feel strong enough to function, but the rest of the time I just want to curl up and […]