I feel as though there are different parts of me that constantly keep taking over myself. One side does stuff that ‘I’ do not do or accept, one is sad all the time, one is child-like, one is nice and angelic, one is rude and hateful…I don’t know what to do. I can’t make decisions because I’m never in the same mood/thought process within the same two hours. I tried to tell my mother about my situation, and she thinks that IÂ do have control over my life/actions, I’m just pretending as though I don’t. And I’m afraid that if she tells me that again, she’ll […]
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Stuff
hello internet
i just wanna write something what i think of stuff, hope you can underestand what i mean because english is not my first language. I found this page by searching google for information about hanging. Sitting in my room alone ( im not going to kill myself) just thinking about that if someone wants to kill themselves they should be allowed to. If youre over 18 and havnt got any mental health problems which would affect your ability to make decisions. its your decision and alot of people are lying that they care and just talking stuff like they know but they just saying […]
I’ve been depressed and suicidal recently with no one to talk of my issues with. I recently decided to talk to the school counselor about my problems. At first, everything was great, but then from the depression test results she decided that she needs to talk to my parents about my depression (the talk is tomorrow night shit shit shit shit fuck fuck fuck fuck) as well as getting me to see my pediatrician about things I can do (antidepressants stuff).
I’m really starting to regret talking to my counselor and wish there was some other way of doing this without making things more complicated than […]
I’m almost 17 and I’ve had social problems my whole life. I BELIEVE I might have a personality disorder, although I don’t really know. The problem with getting diagnosed, treated, etc is that I’ve grown accustomed to faking a lot of interaction with people. I’ve seen four or five psychologists and stuff now, with no real results. Most of them just sent me off saying I was fine after five or six visits. I know I’m not ‘fine’. I used to have anger management when I was really young, like 8 or something. Then later on (still age eight) my mother tried to kill herself. […]
My parents say I want to call attention. That the way I dress demands attention. That I embarrassed them. I don’t try to. I just can’t be myself. I see myself In the mirror and all I see is a fat lard. I hate my skin tone, my eyes, my hair, my body! I hate it all! So I try to make it better! I try to hide my fat body under layers of clothes. I hide my face under make up! I hide my ugly untamed frizzy shit colored hair under dye. I change how I look! And only when I change it I […]
So Much Stuff Can Go Through A Girl’s Mind .. It’s Funny How At My Age I Had To Go Through All This, It’s Not Even Fair. I Turned 16 On January 29th .. My First Birthday Without My Father, Still None Cared.. Plus I Didn’t Wanted None To Feel Pitty For Me. As I Said On My Other Post .. My Mom Got A New Boyfriend .. We Moved To His House 3 Week’s go. I Had To Leave All My Friend’s Again And The Best-Boy Friend In The Whole World. She Moved My World Up Side Down Back Again Just Like She Did […]
I always wonder, what would life be like if i was more….appealing, attractive, pretty…you know? i wonder if my life would be different, and if i would have all these suicidal thoughts. Personally i think everything would be better. The reason i get treated like shit now is because the way i look. I think if i was pretty, more people would respect me and treat me better. The other day i realized how much i hate myself. i realized that maybe im ugly, because i have ugly thoughts. or maybe because i just do horrible things. Im just an horrible person. Im so selfish […]
Hello Again,
I haven’t been here in a while, or maybe I have. I’m having issues telling how much time has passed. But same as always, I still want to kill myself (no shit sherlock). Something new though is my ability to be incredibly happy one minute and holy shit kill me now the next. Something old is cutting but it’s much worse then when I started last year. I’ve stopped cutting but once again I could not tell you for how long because I apparently can not tell you if it’s been a day or a week that has gone by. I think it’s […]
I got the suggestion of having one day of being completely truthful and to be honest…I couldn’t do it. I’m scared of what people think of me and how they will react. I know I should only care about what I think of myself but I don’t and to be honest, who does? So I’ll be honest here, I’m going to vent and say some things that I’ve never told anybody. So I guess here goes nothing:
I lost the love of my life a little over a year ago because I was stupid and screwed up the whole relationship.
I don’t believe in true love anymore […]
I must sound foolish and stuff but I am 13 years old. I am very suicidal and emo and i do cut myself. I honestly do not see what my purpose in life is.. All my friends have betrayed me and all my enemies have overcome me.. The lies have become reality.. My family ignores my existence.. I will not go on.. I have been bullied for many years…but when i tell my parents.. my dad yells that im a ***** and my mother ignores me.. my grandparents hate me..i’ve been mollested 4 times.. 2 by a cousin, 1 time by a man and 1 time […]
So my wife left me about one month ago. She was constantly lying to me. We would agree on something and she would do the total opposite. I would ask her question and know she was lying.
She is 10 years younger than me….and I had more wealth when we got married. She now makes more money than me. She also sign pre-nup before we got married. I brought a house with the money i sold from my apartment and the house is under my name.
Well fast forward a year later…she tells me that she want the house under her name and she won’t help with […]
I tried to become a better person. To stop the things that make me hate myself so much.
I talked about this before but it’s starting to become a big problem again.
Thinking about it makes me want to vomit. I’m so disgusted with myself and the situation.
I just made it to partner 32, yay for the whore!
I was doing so well, three months. No sex. I was so proud of myself. But then they came back. And because I’ve been avoiding instead of dealing with the problem directly I crumbled.
I did say no, I did move his hand when he tried to touch me. I tried […]
Well, im still alive … i thought about it …. i can’t do it .. people depend on me and proud of my self .. i can’t do that to my mother .. she loves me soo much and she wont stop crying if i left. but i really cant help it but i said some things that i shouldnt have .. there is this girl in my school and she is just the biggest ***** … Taylor is her name … she has made my life a living hell .. she can’t ever leave me alone . she always  knows that she is bulling me […]
So after I made that post, I had trouble actually falling asleep, so I watched an episode or two of Futurama. It`s a pretty good show, I would recommend it. Anyway after I finally eventually got to sleep, I had a pretty fucked up dream. Though people dream every night, I (they) rarely remember my (their) dreams. I guess this was one that stuck out.
The first thing I remember was going into this smaller type of sort of `home` restaurant (I guess..) and asking for a job. This woman (Maybe..) in her 50`s ish told me that there was already a dishwasher and didn`t need […]
I feel like I am being hounded. I have no-one to turn to or talk to. I feel like I have no purpose in life other than to cook brownies for my sister’s film crew or do the laundry for my family or some other menial household chore. I want to end this but haven’t the will to find a purpose outside of what I know. I hate the role I have as my family’s domestic servant. I want out. I have very little money and only a high school education. Getting a job is so hard because I can rarely remember all the stuff […]
one day for sure. i will. i will die at my own hands. Why shouldn’t we be able to pick when we want to die? I think we should. Its our owN life not someone elses. We wouldn’t be harming anyone. Only temporarily. I want to die so bad sometimes. I hate when people(teachers mostly for me) mention suicide and laugh about it and stuff. I Hate that. They shouldn’t be saying things that can hurt someone emotionally. I get affected by people who say certain things. Maybe its just because I have the desire to die and I’d actually consider myself suicidal. But I […]
Okay so most of you guys see me posting storys of how i hate living but not really knowing why.well here you go starting when i was in kindegarden i got picked on in school but from there all the way up to 6it was only about my hair and clothes i was also sexualy abised by 3of my cousins and there dad.then when i got to middle school i got made fun of because everything my weight my hair clothes where i live how i looked etc.since 8th grade ive tried to kill myself over 50 times ive been in and out […]
The structure behind my previous post, and consequential days- all with the rhetoric of monotonous feeling.
Thank you for the replies sent to me to tell you a bit more about me i will,
when i was 4 years old I was hit by a car the driver worked for the goverment and he was driving drunk when he hit me with his car i went 20 feet at the time in the air came down hard on my head this kept me in hospital for 6 months with stuff all over my head then when Iwas 6 years old i had to share a bed with one of my uncles while in the bed with him I was made to […]
i have it good compared to others but i go and try to screw it up the first chance i get
by emily25
written by emily25
I am such an idiot! I see that something is finally going right, then I screw it up! I hate myself. This isn’t me. It’s not who I am. It’s wrong. I know it is wrong. I feel so guilty! Why did I do this? I know what the outcome will be. I have this small doubt still. Somehow It will work out. What if it dosn’t?! What if I lose the few people I have just because I had to say a few things like that?! I know how wrong it is. How wrong I am to do so. What the hell is wrong with […]