Okay, so i’ve been suicidal for a while now, always trying to overdose and shit like that. but up until now its never been all of me that wants to die, I remember my therapist would ask me how much (out of a percentage) wants me to live and it’d always end up being 50% or lower, as i’d always regret my decisions the next day, but recently i’ve not been regretting and ive come to realise that no part of me wants to live.
I just want to know what happened, what happened to the leftover spark within me which has finally gone out.
i am reeling from the death of both parents in a two month span. trying to deal with a slew of health problems. having an alcoholic husband. suffering from life long treatment resistant depression. and there is that suicidal demon inside who never misses an opportunity to point out how easy it could be to go. it tells me at seemingly random times i could do various things to end this sad life. six months ago i set a deadline. that day was yesterday. how ironic that yesterday i got the first check from my parents banking accounts. i can’t do that to my brother. […]
(I apologize in advance for any spelling errors, I suck at using a touchscreen)
Ok, well my story is probably nothing special, I just need to get this out somehow, but as you can probably tell I have suicidal depression. Their really isn’t much bad about my life, I just really hate myself, I literally (actual literally, not figuratively literally) have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. I hate my personality, I hate my gender, I hate that I’m asexual, I’m 16 and I watch My Little Pony, I’m incredibly stupid, I hate how I look so much that I can’t stand looking in a mirror and I […]
I’m in a fairly blissful mood atm. Its probably the chicken wings. The game is about to start. Im semi rooting for Carolina because im in South Carolina. I honestly could care less though. I just hope the Comercials aren’t annoying. I’m in a pretty zen mood. I usually post when im suicidal. I figured I’d post when I’m not. Ive been through to much not to enjoy the peaceful moments.
Does anyone know of any good chat rooms on the net where you can chat direct to people, rather than have to wait for replies as sometimes I could really use that instant chat. I’ve seen some pro-life sites for suicidal people but I don’t want the bible bashing types that just want to talk you out of doing it, not that I have made my final decision to do so yet, but still I don’t want to be influenced.
Also any places it would be possible to try to find people in my area as it would be nice to make a friend in person […]
So, I went to see a doctor. Basically to just confirm what I already know. Major depression, anxiety disorder and PTSD. I told him I think I might have a personality disorder too, something along the lines of Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizoid Personality Disorder, or Avoidant Personality Disorder. I know I might be going overboard here, but I feel like I fit the criteria perfectly, for both BPD and SPD, actually. He said he’ll look into it with our upcoming consultations.
I always look at the criteria for all these personality disorders and think, “Fuck! This is so me.” Not that my personality traits cause any […]
Is…
Drum roll…
Sleep, beautiful peaceful sleep. It’s the closest thing to not existing. I wish I could sleep for the rest of my life and never wake up again.
How couldn’t I be suicidal in a world where everything is go go go, accomplish as much as you can, be creative, be social… When all I want to do is pass out permanently.
Nighty night
I may be suicidal, but most importantly, it was this year when I got full on serious about it.
In other news I think I’m getting a fever.
Look, of course in the past I was suicidal and got a fever too, but this is different.
This year I am serious. And being sick right now is not what I am needing.
Urgh I just can’t take this. Why today? What the hell? I got a whole lotta stress too in school, right AFTER finishing the exams.Its just the most difficult to be seriously suicidal and get a cold because what the hell I want to die now more […]
‘Suicidal people are made, not born’ was a post I saw once. But is that really true? When I was born, the doctor had to cut my mother open and forcibly bring me into this world because I had a failure to thrive. Even in that infantile state I knew I did not want to be in this world.
Several months ago I tried to kill myself. I took over 50 prescription sleeping pills and washed them down with alcohol. Do you have any idea how depressing it is to try to kill yourself and fail? This was not a cry for help or attention. My […]
I broke up with my boyfriend of two years because I have been suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts for quite a few months now; I felt I was dragging him down. He made sure I was serious and agreed to break up (not that we haven’t before – we frequently took breaks, always went back to each other and never to other people). However, this time, I got a text from his best friend saying that he went back ti his ex… that our two year relationship was infatuation -not love. That she’s his true love. They dated for 3 months and then she […]
People who talk about their will to attempt suicide and prevent others from suicide at the same time.
I’m not saying that if you feel suicidal, you should encourage everybody, but dammit, how could tell others that their lives are valuable when you can’t appreciate yours? Either stop bitching about how you want to throw your life away or stop lying about how life never should be thrown away.
Ive neen hopelessly suicidal my entire life. I’ll never make anything of myself i tried. Im just waiting for deaths sweet embrace to end my suffering. I hate this shit. I hate tv, back pain, all I do is eat and im emotionally fucked up all the time.
Let me start from the beginning. (I’m now revising this and this definitely did not go in the order I thought it would)
I don’t want to reveal my identity too much so i’ll play this safe and call myself Kai.
I’m seventeen years old, eighteen in March. I’m a transgender boy (born female) and i’m gay. My mom’s side of the family is one of the biggest group of unsupportive close minded people you will ever meet. Ever since I was young, I knew i felt different than my siblings and cousins. My family tries to look like your average apple pie and a […]
Hm, I’m wondering if suicidal / depressed people tend to watch certain kinds of movies more than “normal” people. What kinds of movies do you like to watch? Horror, sci-fi, romance, action, comedy, crime, etc?
I wonder what happy people like to watch? Mostly happy-feel-good movies? Bleh.
I like watching end-of-the-world movies lol. Maybe I want the whole world to end 😛
Likes: action, sci-fi, horror, end-of-the-world, documentaries
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone. You guys talked me into seeing a doctor and they put me on medication for depression about a month ago and I feel like a new person. I haven’t had depressing or suicidal thoughts and I feel like a huge weight that was tied around my heart was removed. I hope anyone else that hasn’t seen a doctor does so. Your dark thoughts are not you… Thanks everyone and have a great new year.
The science channel is playing every single Mythbusters episode in order for 10 days I’ve forgot so much about this show in its early years…. the post is over im all suicidal ranted out. Im procrastinating and tired but i don’t feel like rambling. I hope you all feel better you are special people.
i relapsed again today, to be fair i haven’t been doing good at all lately but id gone a few days with ought doing it and i was hoping i would have enough will to keep it going for a bit. especially because i need to let myself heal, me and my family are going on vacation in a few days and that always increases the risk that they’ll see my scars. and that means another type of relapse that i care not to […]
This year I was diagnosed with a metabolic disorder towards my eyes. And my diet changed completely.
Then around May time this year I started to feel depressed, suicidal and I had anxiety. And I started cutting.
Then I promised my best friend I would stop cutting. I broke that promise twice. This time I promised and he made me swear on his life:(
A month ago I found out my dietitian thinks I need Physchologist, she thinks something’s wrong with me.
About a week ago I had surgery. And then about 2days ago I did the most stupidest move in the world and it could’ve ruined my life. […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
tfw your loved one tells you you can magically stop being suicidal by going to church and reading the bible.
what an overused punchline.