I find myself back here again. It had been a while, and I had been happy for the first time since childhood. But now, here I am again, and the loneliness, and the feelings of the inability to connect with people that I’ve spent so much wonderful time with, the social anxiety as I fumble and stumble over my own words and just sigh in exasperation in my self involvement. I hate my narcissism. Talking about myself disgusts me, and I find it very saddening. I had gone on a date tonight. She and I had had wonderful dates before, but tonight, I felt the […]
Tag:
superficial
It’s taken quite a while to get Login details sorted out, but finally here I am. I’ve read other people’s posts for a several months, but it is good to have a voice on SP at last. So hello to everyone.
What brought me here is probably the best place to start my tale. I was searching on the Web for methods, and SP was one of the results because of the word ‘suicide’. It’s good for people to have somewhere they can go and discuss freely what’s happening to them and not have to bottle things up inside.
Anyway, back […]
So when I was around 17 years old, I was quite the insecure little guy (still am, just not as bad). I always hated how I looked, thought I looked weird, that everyone was always staring at me, never satisfied with my appearance. I was in and out of school, really only attending classes if any friends were in it, art class, etc… So I remember one time I got my hair cut and I thought it just looked awful and too short (I had my bangs covering my eyebrows because I really fucked up plucking them and they looked awful), I was unaware and […]
Memories are flashing through my head constantly now like a movie stuck on replay. All of my mistakes and superficial triumphs… In an effort to escape them, I resorted to my old self-harm habits: hair pulling, scratching, biting and eye gouging… With the very hand that is trying to rip away the past reflected in the eye above, so will it end the future. I find it ironic that if I came to SP sooner, I might have not “thrown away my ex due to depression” venting on here instead. Oh well… That superficial nymphomaniac probably would have dumped me anyway since I might as […]
I feel like a half person. I feel totally incomplete and fake. I am living life, waiting for the next day, waiting for happiness. I feel so fake. I am at a job that hasnt really started yet, all we’re doing is training. And i feel like everyone there feels things, has energy. I want that. And im in a relationship where i feel selfish because im not sure i actually want him, i think maybe i just want a person to listen to me or to talk to. Im in love with my buddy who i hook up with sometimes and who loves me […]
Over the weekend I had one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I can’t help but love him even though he won’t be mine. He admitted to being superficial. But I ended up getting to rub him down with a full body massage. And it was relaxing, in the sense that, it’s a moment I’ve always dreamed of, giving all of my attention to the one I love, in a romantic way. Only thing I couldn’t do is follow it up with kisses, since we’re not at that level. I’m afraid I’ll never see him now that something he’s committed to doing has […]
I wish being good to him was enough. I wish giving everything I have to give was enough. I wish loving and adoring him were enough. I wish it wasnt all about looks and money. I wish I could be the one to worship him. I wish I counted. I wish he believed my love was real instead of desperation as he thinks it is. I wish he weren’t superficial at all. I wish I didn’t have to be without him. He thinks it’s unhealthy to love just one person… and I don’t think it’s anything close to love to want a dozen or more […]
I wants to be somewhat like a psychopath. Like having superficial charm, no empathy or feelings towards others in general, lack of remorse and guilt, highly manipulative , Lack of ralistic, long term goals, denial of responsibility, carelessness, high confidence, no fear and anxiety, grandiose sense of worth.
Psychopaths are destructive and antisocial but they are happy. Maybe I could be happy or less depressed if I had some psychopath traits.
I seriously want to kill myself. More than anything. I said last night that I don’t think I deserved to live and his response was “Who are you to judge who lives and who dies”. Surprisingly that may have just proved how useless I really am. I am much more of a burden than I am worth. I hate myself. I hate the way I look. I hate the way I speak. I hate my unbreakable habits. I wish that at the very least I could cut deep enough to seem legit, but all I am is a superficial, self absorbed, burden on the earth. […]
Virtual Reality is escape from boring reality sucks , Virtual Reality is escape from boring real world sucks , Virtual Reality is escape from boring real life suck !
by niki
written by niki
Virtual Reality is escape from boring reality suck ,
Virtual Reality is escape from boring real world suck ,
Virtual Reality is escape from boring real life sucks !
We all know that this Reality / Real-world / Real-life is very LIMITED / LIMITING !
everyday we do the same routines , chores , go make money , make money / profits , go to boring shitty jobs because of money , and then we go have fun, party, sex, entertainment etc etc , and then it repeats again !
What’s so interesting about that ??
I’ve observed that most people who actually LOVE all those […]
This time when I cut, I regressed to cutting my left shoulder, as I was wont to do years ago. I slit superficial lines between the iron cross, making the black ink of the tattoo glisten prettily. I wish I had taken that razor and slit my goddamn throat. But I am a gutless *****, too afraid of what could happen to me if I do it. So there are 14 lines, some longer than others, some deeper than others. All easily hidden by my shirt sleeve.
HOW FUCKING DARE YOU BLAME ME FOR WHAT HAPPENED??!! The fall wasn’t my fault. “You’ve got to hold on […]
Virtual Reality is an escape from Reality , boring Reality / boring real life / boring real world / boring life !
by niki
written by niki
Virtual Reality is an escape from Reality ,
Virtual Reality is the escape from Reality ,
this boring Reality (Reality is boring ) !
this boring real life (real life is boring ) !
this boring real world (real world is boring ) !
boring life ( life is boring) !
Seriously, when Reality is boring & mundane (even real Science is boring & mundane too, science fiction (sci-fi) is better than boring science real ! ) , Virtual Reality is the only TRUE / REAL progress for humanity / mankind / our human species !
with Virtual Reality (VR) technology , we can enter into […]
science is boring ! science fiction is better than science fact ! sci-fi is better than science fact ! real science is boring !
by niki
written by niki
science is boring !
science fiction is better than science fact !
sci-fi is better than science fact !
real science is boring !
Reality is boring ! Reality sucks !
Real life is boring ! Real life sucks !
Real world is boring ! Real world sucks !
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans (well.. MOST/90% of them), I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING !! and especially nowadays become ONLY very materialistic, money / profits driven only, all about money, money, money, & image, image, image! ; it’s very superficial, shallow, and mundane boring!
I HATE MONEY […]
I cant swim. Everything consumes me. I take every comment or action against me as a declaration of dislike. I dead end myself trying to get over anything. The grief and helplessness is a salve to my conscious. I see right through people. Their lives so empty. Doing such superficial things. I dont know how to involve myself in anything superficial. I cant be meaningless. I therefore don’t do anything and hate myself for it. My family loves me. But where I want to go they will never support. They are the only people in my life. The girl I love. I keep doubting myself […]
Yesterday, I completely lost hope. I needed to die. Like right now. I was choking because of my tears. My bestfriend – and the guy I’m in love with – didn’t want me to talk to him anymore. Because everything was my fault. Because it was my fault that I fell in love with him. Because it was my fault that everyone has noticed it.
I can’t live without him. Even the weird relationship we’re having was much sufficient for me to hold on. But him cutting me out of his life was too much for me to handle.
I scarred myself. But I didn’t bleed to […]
I always have this urge, to hurt myself 1 way or another. But it’s always in my mind.
Before I sleep, I’ll imagine falling off the stairs, or even getting some mildly serious disease, enough to the hospital. On worse days, this’ll morph into funeral services for my own, or just methods in which I die and there are people around me.
Is it meant to be this way? This is my way of dealing with life? It feels so wrong, yet it sparks a feeling of warmth, love, peace and a sense of fitting in.
It it might seem superficial, but it’s my own way, right? It’s […]
Admittedly, I find myself at a strange place now. Before I was so sure about wanting to kill myself. But now–after having thought about my motivations for not just dying, but living as well–I don’t know where I stand. There is still some motivation for wanting to die, that much I can say with certainty. In fact, that motivation is still unconditional just as it has been. However, I’m afraid that somewhere in my subconscious, that motivation stems from something superficial. So I find myself needing to know what that “something,” is and once I do, I can act full-heartedly and decide with a clear head, whether or not I should live.
I’m so close to […]
1) I’m not drowning in debt.
2) I have a job; I don’t mooch off others.
3) I have personal freedom due to the fact that I’m single.
4) I graduated from college. I plan on pursuing graduate school in the future.
5) I’m intelligent.
6) I’m experienced when it comes to the negative things in life, i.e., I’m not superficial. I don’t have to rely upon trivial advice and/or criticism from less experienced individuals.
7) I’m a gentleman with respect to the opposite sex, even if it never pays off. In other words, I’m not a loser douchebag.
8) Difficult books.
9) The ability to write.
10) Coffee without sugar.
Hello! I’m writing this in order to get some help, and be sure that i’ve made the right decision.
I wrote this to another person on another website:Â <<<Â I feel the same as you do/did “Every day I wake up feeling terrible! I don’t want to die,i just don’t want to live like this.” and i felt it since i was your age 17/18 and then i was dreaming about killing myself but i talked to others and i was to weak to take my own life so i said that i’ll wait, that things will get better, two years have passed and i had a big […]