. i just wish i could connect with someone. i dont know if i have much time left with my internet. Also, im not sure if i have much of my particular life left. I wish i could say something meaningful right now, something that i can give to the world, before i pass away either from heartache, or from some other reason.
I just don’t want to be here anymore. I want to close my eyes and wake up far away from here. I want the ocean to roar around me with every wave, as I watch them crawl up the sandy shore. I want to be in a dark hole in the ground. I want to have a place to hide, a door to shut, a place where no one can ever make me feel this way. I want things to just stop and go away, I can’t take it anymore. I’ve been so nice, and accommodating, but people still say I’m a ***** even though […]
Yesterday I decided to make a list of all the reasons why I need to “Leave.” Within minutes, I’d come up with 18. I could have kept going all day. The list has since continued to expand.
I’ve considered suicide before, but I now have firm plans to make my “Exit” in just a few weeks’ time. Despite having spent the past 25 years in therapy, I haven’t been at all successful in changing my unhealthy patterns; no matter how conscious I am of my issues or how carefully I make decisions, I always end up in crap situations and attracting people who are more broken […]
I hate business !
I hate money !
I hate capitalism / capitalist !
The main reason is because business kills creativity & ideas . money kills creativity & ideas . capitalism / capitalist kills creativity & ideas !
There are a LOT of good ideas , creativity , imaginations , inspirations , dreams , & even good deeds that business / money kills ! simply because of a petty, shallow reason “it doesn’t make a lot of money or profits ! ”
money makes the world unfair ! business makes the world unfair ! capitalism makes the world unfair !
plus , the world becomes a boring […]
I’m tired. Nobody cares, and nobody cares on here most of the time, either. Social media is shit but then again so is life. At least I pour this out. I go to bed and can only sleep now with pills. The internet is as sick a place as the real world, in fact I think it is sicker b/c peoples’ real selves pour out. Lots of toxic crazies in the world, hiding behind their masks, here they don’t have to hide. The 21st century is one barbaric age despite all of our so-called advances. Technology is being used to do things like film “revenge […]
@worthless_loser-73 had mentioned in his comments that he wants to die before his birthday that was in early june and he had scheduled a post for 6 june named “by the time you read this” which I thinks that post was for after-completed suicide and that post had been deleted. He has also not posted/commented for many days also.
There are 3 possibilities that
1)worthless_loser-73 has completed his suicide. And that his near people or cops got to know about suicideproject.org from the suicide note and they contacted suicideproject.org email and as a result the sp admin/moderator deleted that scheduled post or
2)worthless_loser-73 has been only injured from his […]
This is probably the first and only time I will be truthful honest about who I am and I’m only doing this because I know none of you know me and never will. Anyways I’m a horrible person and don’t deserve the nice life I have. I’m not like most of the other people on here who have had terrible lives and just want to end the pain. I have many hardships but none nearly as bad as some, yet still here I’m am contempting suicide, so let me explain. I ‘ve done some pretty horrible things, one thing so bad that I can’t even say […]
I’m not perfect I’ll admit, there are a lot of things I need to change like my depression, suicidal thoughts and self harm to start. I’ve already committed myself to changing but nobody trust me to do it on my own. Although therapy and medicine work for some people it terrifies me, mostly the drugs.
To me its petrifying to think that one pill a day can control my mind. Its changes the chemical levels to “balance” you out which changes the way you think. It might make you happier but at what cost. All of your originality and creativity is gone. Everything you though is different. […]
But you’re just like every sorry fuck’n **** I’ve ever met! Yeah that’s right…all your friends warned you about me but you had to be curious. .you just had to find out for yourself and what did you get?
You sit there and play on my every insecurity but HAA.. guess what? They’ve been there longer than you and they will always be mine! Just like you will always be mine… HEY!! Are you listening?? Fuck you..don’t walk away from me!!
You want to talk about things that are a dime a dozen.. well I’m 3 down in a row of 56.5 minus this shit […]
What point is there? As I get older, everyone splits off into couples and I sit here like a fucking lonely moron. I don’t want to date anyone, I want to be surrounded by my “friends” who can’t wait to ditch you every chance they get for a significant other (or simply someone better). I’ve been off my mood stabilizers and antidepressants for about 3 weeks now, but I’m thinking of starting up my mood stabilizers again because it is unbearable to deal with this constant fucking oscillating range of emotions. I think I’ll just submerge myself in as many drugs and mind alternating substances […]
All around me the world is going insane, people getting bolder and indane.
Violence throughout with no discrimination, all people lost in oblivious conversation.
Society falls apart before our very eyes, and we fail to see through the silent lies.
Told through the pages of history, that have now become a lost majesty.
Bring us our daily bread, and then choke on the toxic lead.
That you feed us through a broken spoon, but then lead us to a lost tune.
I know this poem makes no sense, but neither does this world so tense.
Our world has reach peak insanity, yet there’s still yet another calamity.
There’s always enough room, for yet […]
Everyone needs a hero in their life.. and sometimes the world just doesn’t hold enough of them. When times get rough and darkness takes over..there doesn’t seem to be anyone left to take the next step and face the relentless evil that continues to war against the humanity we try so very hard to protect.
That’s when the best of us all must surface..to lay their life on the line for the rest.
If you could shed this mortal coil and become more in this life.. who would you be? What hero would surface to do battle against the darkness?
DeadLeaf is the hero I’ve created to […]
I know this is going to sound crazy/weird…..
I literally hate myself. I am a guy, 35 years of age, yet I have missed out on so many great things in life. As a child, and even today, I cannot bear to walk around without a shirt on etc. It has made me become anti social, because I feel I am so ugly I don’t deserve anyone to like me. Yes I am still single because of this, and have no confidence in myself what so ever. I fail at everything I do, get laughed at lot when I make a mistake, so now I never […]
Not usually too into country type stuff, but I’ve been playing a bit of guitar myself again recently and this one struck me. Struck a chord, you could say. Actually I’ve been gaining a new appreciation for country/blues stuff in general recently. Just a matter of separating the good from the overly generic.
Something Salt said recently reminded me that I rarely actually post on here, just comment for the most part. So I decided to put some music on and type out a post. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about…well, the general insanity of the world, particularly the blended up mix of good […]
Here I sat on a bench on a lonely night. The city is busy as it always is, millions of people going through their daily lives. Young couples walking hand in hand through. Others like me walking in solitude, sounds of a festival of some sort sounding in the distance. The stars shining their strange otherworldly glow, a perfect sight to behold. Too bad it’s spent in lonliness I thought to myself. And then she came to me, as I laid eyes on her face, I was mesmerized. Love at first sight, she asked my name and I told her. Then she said, I’m Maria, […]
fuck, i don’t know where to write. This is the only place i felt safe to write something down and make it public. I am sorry, I am not suicidal anymore. Life is way more sucky this way. I can’t let myself even fantasize about killing myself because now I am a bitter grown up person who is not selfish enough to allow myself those fantasies. But I am selfish. And my lazy, depressive and lost existence makes life difficult for people around me, just less difficult than it would be if I killed myself. So I am that much less selfish.
Some days are so […]
In the name of an addiction my best friend taught me to follow
I tried to stay positive even though I pretended it
It helped cause at home I was lacking a happy ending
Growing never knowing what the present was doing
Living life like a big mystery.
18, I knew I was done with it.
I cracked, cleaned up, and packed my bags.
Florida bound.
Swore I would never go back.
It’s a shame how fast time has passed.
Movin’ so fast
It’s like I’m moving at lightspeed
Slowdown..
You need to slowdown every once in awhile sometimes
To see how the world goes round
Cause you don’t know, you don’t
No, you don’t need to go so fast
“I hope when you decide, kindness will be your guide. Put a little love in your hearts.”
Think of your fellow man
Lend him a helping hand
Put a little love in your heart
You see it’s getting late
Oh, please don’t hesitate
Put a little love in your heart
And the world will be a better place
And the world will be a better place
For you and me
You just wait and see
Another day goes by
Still the children cry
Put a little love in your heart
If you want the world to know
We won’t let hatred grow
Put a little love in your […]
Howdy, ya’ll.
I’ve been reading on the site and commenting every now and again, but I’ve never posted. I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a while. They stem from a complete lack of meaning in my life. To be honest, things have been going relatively well, I just find no joy in much of anything anymore.
I attempted suicide earlier this year, but was brought to the hospital before anything too serious happened. What shook me the most was that I had no realization, no epiphany, like one often reads of. Instead, I’ve fallen further. What drove me to the edge were the psych meds I was […]
Why does no one want me? Why do my friends always leave me? Why does no females like me? Am I doomed to live my life completely alone? What am I doing wrong? Is it me? Or are people ignorant assholes? I’m not perfect, no one is. I have flaws such as every other human does, but not so much that no one should like me…what is so wrong with me? It’s been like this my whole twenty years of existence and it just keeps getting worse every day. I don’t want to live a lonely loveless life, I want joy. I want to experience […]