I’ve lost 2 relatives that I was close to, both times I was woken up in the middle of the night and told they died. I get so afraid to sleep, in fact one of my worst fears is that I will loose my very closest and dearest loved ones while I sleep. I’ve had nightmares that it has happened and I wake up sobbing. My aunt died and they woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me. I have been battling some depression and Monday felt like a good day for me. Then I find out this morning that not […]
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told
My story starts from the age of 4 where I was physically abused by one my caregivers right until they left. The age of 5 I was sent to a horrible school bullied from day 1 not only was I bullied from the students I was bullied by some of the teachers. Being name called, pushed, punched, objects thrown at me wasn’t exactly a fun time. I ended up only going to that school for a year. I was transferred to another school with a horrible principal, some horrible teachers, kids with a lot of problems/issue (some of those kids taking out their problems on […]
After yesterday, being directly rushed to the E.R. by ambulance for suicidal thoughts, knowing how my family treated me (please read “No Emergency”) when they said I was over exaggerating, when my mom complained saying she could’ve bought shoes instead of paying for parking at the hospital, when my father complained about missing work, where my sister told me I was making things up,
Fuck I don’t even remember the point to this post.
Urgh I’m wasting everyones time.
But I feel I have to let this out.
I have no one.
To be honest, I can’t stop crying and I don’t know why. Nothing particularly bad happened I’m just so unreasonably miserable.
Today, I’m so desperately wishing that the human body wasn’t built to survive, and that it wasn’t so difficult to die. I wish I knew how to use a gun, because if I did I’d shoot myself since I have access to a gun. I wish all the useless leftover antidepressants I had would kill me if I took them all. Maybe the lexapro would since I’m allergic.
I wish I knew one person who was kind to me, I wish I had friends. I wish […]
This is my first time being on this site. A friend of mine that I just met, told me about it. He gave me his stories and I gave him mine. We are both happy that we met each other to remind ourselves that all of us still have a reason to live.
I have been a big fan of music. It has been my inspiration and helped me throughout my life. For my future, I would like to save people’s lives through making music for anyone that feels the same way as everyone.
I am glad to say I will […]
I feel like I’m several trillion spoons in debt… (if you get that reference)
So, the girl he was after rejected him. No, of course I don’t want him to be miserable but it would have been a bad situation for him to get involved with. He chases perfect little girls around or under 5′ tall and under 100 lbs. This one just so happened to be married (but in process of going to get divorced) with 2 little babies 9 months apart. It would have ruined everyone’s lives because of the things he has attached to his name. Which, could be the reason she had […]
So i ended up in the hospital in January got out in February and im no longer suicidal unfortunately the only reason that is because of fear fear if i fail at an attempt ill get sent back and if i fail there’s a new worry my mother told me as well that if i end up in the hospital for more than a month then they’ll kick me off my ssdi that means ill have no medical insurance either and as much as I want to die i don’t want to risk failing and losing my medical insurance i need to get it right […]
Hey everyone, so this is something that has caused me a lot of stress and fear lately. I’m terrified to go to the doctor because I have horrible scars on my arm and hips. Doctors look you over and if for any reason I’d need to roll up my sleeve or they’d see my hips, they’d see my scars. Do you think they’d send me to a mental hospital if the saw them? I’ve been refusing to go to the doctor and it’s very difficult for me to tell a doctor about my depression as I once had a doctor who I went to get […]
So yesterday, I was pretty stoked. Got some good shit planned for today. Got some cool future shit unrolling. It’s cool
Wake up, 1st indication everything’s going to hell: the sun is shining. Fuck!
Then it happens. The succubus calls…. Double Fuck!
I need to quit my job so I can be home for her.
I don’t even bother trying to explain again why that’s beyond stupid.
She doesn’t say it sarcastically, she’s stone faced dead serious demanding.
Cue the barge of insults, I’m not a man, I’m not a dad, I’m not a husband… OK? So why are you calling?
Then some more demanding, make it […]
The Early Intervention team called my therapist to say they’re not bothering with me again. She said they told her I’m not psychotic. I could’ve told her that.
If it were psychosis then this wouldn’t be real. The voices wouldn’t be real, the Angels wouldn’t be real, the others wouldn’t be real, the demons and shadow people wouldn’t be real. But they are real.
They said it might just be down to my depression and anxiety. Okay. They can say that, but it’s not. They’re just real, and that’s not down to anything.
I see my therapist next Friday now, so I’ll tell her it was a waste […]
what a day. Humiliated at work and made to feel like a child, hours later I was basically told by the boss to find another job, then about an hour ago somebody nearly ran me over because they reversed without checking behind them and then decided to blame me for it. Definitely feel like I could drink myself into suicide tonight.
It’s morning this side and I’m on my way to the hospital. I haven’t been on here for a while now. I missed you guys.
Anyway, thought I’d share something that happened to me last Saturday.
My parents organized for our church members to come to my house and pray for me. My entire family knows about my condition now and they are very supportive. Anyway, so these guys were praying. In that moment, I had flashes of my brother and the people who killed them who were also proclaimed christians. I guess this fucked up my head a little and I had a panic attack. Church […]
I requested a new pycitrist again and i was told no to geting one as my first vist to them.was well so i got nothing for my depression or anxity bf will be coming home soon from hospital i miss him lots hope you all haveing a good night i cant sleep up and im sick so cant do much going to watch fuller house again glad they brought it bk
Sitting at the top of the stairs and I can hear you all talking about me. Saying I’m worthless. Saying I’m a terrible daughter. I’m not supposed to be listening, but I’m sitting at the top of the stairs and I can still hear you. Mom, you make me want to kill myself. Dad, where are you now? Sister, why are you adding to the pain that I’ve told you I feel a thousand times? I’m the one that everyone hates. I’m the one that everyone wishes was gone. I can hear you talking about me. Someone help.. I feel like I’m seeking attention posting […]
So I did a bad thing. Today is my boyfriends birthday and I was scrolling through facebook and saw a post from a friend of ours who I think over steps her boundaries with him.
It was a happy birthday post, however it wasn’t good. It basically said “you’re not at uni, you don’t have a job, you don’t have any hobbies and you don’t leave your room. Maybe this is the year you’ll do something. Happy birthday my lover and my friend”
Tell me what part of that post isn’t appropriate! That, in my opinion, isn’t nice. So in a fitof misery and anger, I went […]
So I have this dream on average 5 times a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I don’t know if it is a message of some kind or just a dream.
At the beginning of the dream I am six years old. That is how old I was after my dad took his life. I walk into a dark room. I stop and am standing there. All of a sudden a hand grabs my hand. I look up and it is my dad. No words are spoken.
We walk forward until we come to a chair that has a light hanging over it. The only light in the […]
Sorry for the long whiney post I probably just sounds spoiled
So im now in my husbands aunt and uncles house.laying down and his first cousins bed her room is cute. What would have given to have a room like this while home . i had my own room but it was always undone. and when I was 15 my older cousin took my ipod radio and I didn’t have a TV the time so always in the dark like it like that. I actually got a TV when I was 18 it was a few months before I got married. And i used to stay […]
so it’s me again. i’ll probably be writing posts all day long, spilling my dark and unforgiving past onto the internet for all to see. so. yeah. i already told you a bit about my goddamned life before, and so keeping that in mind, i’ll tell you more about what i call “my personal hell on earth”. great, right? no? yeah, i thought that’s what you were gonna say. i’ll be back at approx. 12:30 (my time) with juicy details about my sucky life.
This song reaches out to those of us who have been told that they can’t do something, or to those of us who have had their hopes, dreams, and hearts ripped out. You can keep going. Inside all of us, there’s a warrior <3. Stay safe everyone.
-BloodShallShed
I thought I had met the most amazing guy and that he actually liked me. He promised me he would try to be with me despite it was against his religion (he is Muslim). We had a pregnancy scare but we thought it was nothing, and we went off for Winter Break. He wouldn’t even kiss me anymore because it was “wrong” but said he was trying his best to be ready for me. Once the break was over, I didn’t go back to uni and he just stopped talking to me. Soon after, I found out I was actually pregnant and he just pushed me away. He […]