So why continue the relationship? From one day to the next. Thank you for beautiful relationship, goodbye. WTF? How am I supposed to react to that? How am I supposed to breath after that? I’ve tried calling lots of therapist today in hopes of seeing someone, all of them say leave a message and they will get back to me. Thanks for nothing. I feel like I’m never going to be okay. I’m never going to get back to me. Whatever small shell of that I had in the first place. I thought I had finally gotten it right and then bam the wind is […]
Tag:
true
One thing happened. This one thing was so similar to what had happened in the past. It was horrible, shameful, embarrassing, and suddenly I felt as helpless as I has two years ago when I almost killed myself.
Two years ago after confessing to my mother that I wanted to die, I began seeing a therapist, got medicated, and slowly began to feel better. I have had two great years. I slowly distanced myself from the things that made me feel suicidal or just things I associated with bad feelings. I kept many of my relationships, but distanced the ones that had hurt me in the […]
Can I do this? Can I keep on pretending that everything is alright when it’s not? Life is to hard to even carry on and yes I am a teenager but not with a young mind I know life is hard I know there will be struggles but when you have no-one beside you to help you through those struggles it gets tough and horrible like you can’t do anything good like your always in the wrong. Which possibly could be true that I can’t do anything right however if their not related to me why should they have the power of judging me by […]
“I’m not depressed and I’m not unhappy, because I believe that happiness is not a destination to reach and set up camp at, it’s a place you visit every once in a while when the stars are aligned just right or something along those lines.”
This was sent to me by someone in an E-mail a couple of weeks ago and it got me thinking. I (like many other people here, I’m sure) have not been happy in many years and I wonder if constant, true happiness is common even for those who possess all of the things many of us relate to happiness – money, […]
I’ve built my life on trust… confiding in people, caring for them, loving them. And today I’ve realised most, if not all, have broken my trust in the last few weeks, when I needed them most. I’m doubting whether or not people are worth it… Is trust really not worth it?
I wish I never meant you. Because if I never meant you, I would never know this feeling that haunts me every day, this sickening feeling that feels like I’m incomplete, lost, missing something. And indeed I am, I don’t have you to call mine anymore, your “hers” and I don’t know which hurts more the things you tell me or the fact that your still with her despite how you feel for me.
When I hear people say “I love you” to their partners I wonder if they actually know what love is, how it consumes every inch of your body and soul, how […]
What would happen if I began shrieking? And then took a permanent marker and scarred up my grandmother’s gleaming new cupboards? And then chucked a glass mug through the windowpanes? Let all that chilled air in here.
She’s cleaning something in the bathroom…I’m doing schoolwork…ooh, I’m tempted…
I need to stop this. A spell is coming on, I can feel it, this is a bad time…can’t concentrate. Gonna hurt something.
There’s a caved-in Valentine’s balloon in the living room, floating near the ceiling…ha ha, Valentine’s day…my mother was committed to the hospital on the day of love…we brought her flowers and told her through glass smiles that she […]
I always have my mind on this same wish. If only it can be true… My wish? I want to go back in time and tell my self “Don’t fucking do that! DO NOT FUCKING DO THAT! You will fuck up everything and dwell in sadness and regret if you do that!”
Why am I alone? I am overwhelmed with bitter regret and anger. Everybody has some big blotch of the past they want to delete, there’s no such person who has had a perfect, sugar coated life. I selfishly think that I have it so bad, nobody can relate to me. I am wrong. My peers who put on a happy demeanor have their own skeletons; they seem to know how to function without the past disrupting their routine. I don’t know what went on in their lives. I sit there and in my mind I snicker, thinking these people are so young and naive. I don’t […]
I feel so fucking ashamed that for a second foolish time I could believe it was actually worth something to someone!!! I knew from day fucking 1 when you said how you felt that it was a lie, but me being the stupid fucking ***** I am trusted and believed you.. You and all these other people are nothing but lies. That’s all everything ever is!! LIES!! I know I’m worth nothing, I knew I was never worth your time or anyone else’s.. I wish that you’d just admit it. Just once, admit that I am worthless and that I never meant a damn thing […]
It is a strange thing to look back upon one’s past and find that all the hopeless despair that one had envisioned for one’s self, to be found true. Worse still, to be it greater.
My first memories were from when I was 7 years old. Ever since then I have regularly wanted to die. Without break or pause, that sentiment has held as true as the flesh on my body (as scared as it may be). I had long since, premonitioned my demise and I can’t help but feel abhorrent at its truth.
I can’t even begin to describe the shear loneliness and despair that has consumed me. It […]
People can be narrowed into three simple categories just by watching the way they act and the things they do.
Category 1. The people who care, even if it’s not genuine concern these people still show some level of empathy for those around them.
Category 2. People who destroy, these people carelessly flit through their lives and the lives of everyone around them heedless of the consequences of their actions.
Category 3. The people who constantly fuck up despite whoever effort they put forth, these people try to be good friends, or try to be careless, but the continually feel like failures, like nothing they […]
I don’t know any more. I don’t think that my time here is going to be much longer. I feel that I have done my journey, its all over for me. I miss my ex and the true love that we actually had together and how pure that love actually was to me. It was so clear and considering the time and effort that was spent on everything. The love we had for each other was something that I probably will never have again. I still love him and that love will always be with me <3 *sorry if this post makes no sense, I […]
I want to share my story here in brief. I have everything in my life parents, good job , had higher studies but I am a very sensitive girl. I always wanted to have a true lover who can caRe for me more than anything, who can do anything to make me happy simply who can love me deeply. I have boyfriend but I don’t think he loves me that much. He thinks about himself . We had fights n I have tried attempts after that. I hurt myself physically but he is still same. He can’t wipe my tears off. I want to kill […]
On top of the roof
The air is so cold and so calm
I say your name in silence
You don’t wanna hear it right now
The eyes of the city
Are counting the tears falling down
Each one a promise
Of everything you never found
I scream into the night for you
Don’t make it true
Don’t jump
The lights will not guide you through
They’re deceiving you
Don’t jump
Don’t let memories go
Of me and you
The world is down there out of view
Please don’t jump
You open your eyes
But you can’t remember what for
The snow falls quietly
You just can’t […]
I sit alone consuming my pain, smothering my true self. I jerk my life into focus, courage deserted. I need time, more time. Want it, need it, time. My moments come, my moments pass still I sit here smothering my true self. Biting my knuckles and bartering for time. The moment of truth, I stand desperate to release myself. Too late the moment, the time is gone. Obliviously it flitted into oblivion. The seconds marched off the brink, toy soldiers grim-faced sinking, falling, failing. At the last moment they look in my eyes, my terror mirrored in theirs. A solider with my face near […]
Sorry I know it’s bad but people asked me to post it so….
I have other poems too if you want to hear them. Thanks for helping me so far.
I’m down under ground
nobody can see
they don’t notice
my true identity
I’ve been buried alive
can’t come up from under
I’m seen as lightning
but really I’m thunder
My rage is trapped
down under with me
and under ground
is where it should be
If I come up
I’ll never be the same
when I’m looked at
you’ll only see pain
I like it down here
it’s calm and quiet
above it’s loud
and a disturbing riot
If I let go
and never come back
maybe I’ll find the identity
I still sadly lack
It would put a stop
to […]
I’ve been lurking on this site for about a week now and finally decided to register today.I decided to reach out because I’ve been having a really hard time coping with things recently. My therapist was a waste of a degree, my friends don’t understand, and my girlfriend just recently left me.
It’s not like I haven’t had a hard time before. I’ve been in, what I call, a bad head space before. I’ve been hospitalized three times, have been cutting for some time now, and have attempted to kill myself twice. It just feels so much different this time.
I was and am still in love. […]
But I’m so messed up I can’t even let people help me. It’s times like these when I’m sat in my room alone crying and wanting to scream and just get out of this horrible mind of mine when I actually start thinking I need help. I need someone to tell me what’s happening, what’s wrong, and how to make this stop. But I can’t. Nearly a year ago I had a counsellor at school for 5 months. For 5 months I didn’t say anything. I felt trapped. When she would ask me questions I’d sit there like an idiot staring at the desk. I […]
A whole damn year has passed and to be honest I’m glad that it is finally about to be over! My 2013 leaked into my 2014 and to be completely honest 2014 was so very unkind to me truly it just screwed me over and over. Today is the day I say good bye to 2014 and leave all the horrible things that happened in the past. I want none of 2014 to even taint my 2015, because this truly will be a new start for me. I will be starting a year without the negative people and the negativity period, this year I will […]