Today I’m going thru with it tried several times just wanted to leave a note
Tag:
wanted
Just to feel someone next to me
To hear a soft and steady breathing
Someone who knows what I’m feeling
And refuses to leave me hurting
Through the doctors visits and meds
Through countless hospital beds
Through things I should have never said
And the times I wish I was dead
Please sing me to sleep
My heart will be yours to keep
Just sing to me a lullaby
And kiss away the tears I cry
To feel your hands on me
And know you never planned to leave
Through the illnesses that plague me
And all I really wanted to be
Through all of my broken […]
Ever since I was little I’ve always wanted to be an artist. An artist who could draw anything or anyone if I set my mind to it. I would always fantasize what It’d be like to be one of those ‘famous artists’ who people look up to (no one has ever looked up to me for anything and when people have ill tell you it’s a real honor). But it’s been years now and my art skills are starting to lack more than it ever has before.
Every time I come across an amazing drawing I start to feel angry and sad.. wondering why my art […]
I think about death. I think about it all the time. I wonder what it would be like if death wasn’t just a state of being, but an actual being, and what I would say if I could sit down and talk to it. Why do you come around when you’re not wanted? Why won’t you come round when u are desperately needed? Do you have a 800 number or a help desk. Why the fuck not? Because I am this great,
Unstable
Mass of blood and stone
And no emotion that’s worth having
Has settled in my bones
My heart is an autoclave
I want to die, now or tomorow I don’t really care when but as soon as possible, please.
I’ve wanted this for so long now… but i just cant bring myself to do it. I’ve planned it out, and it seems so simple and quick, but i just cant do it. I want to die…but at the same time I don’t. I still have things I wanna have the opportunity to accomplish. However some of these things will take a really long time to do, and i just don’t want to wait because meanwhile I’ll just feel sadness and pain… I don’t want those feelings anymore.
What […]
I’m alone all the time. Other people my age go out and have fun…I don’t have hardly any memories I can recall. I didn’t even do anything on my 21st birthday…was alone and depressed. Wouldn’t anyone think I was the most uninteresting, worthless person in the world if they knew I spend all my nights sitting alone on my bed at night, crying most of the time saturated in misery? Aren’t I wasting this precious life and youth I’ve been given? I would have friends and fun but I can’t. I don’t connect with anyone. I lost the guy I was in love with because I was […]
I will tell you some of my personal story for those who care to know. So ever since I started elementary school, I wasn’t normal, I didn’t talk to anyone, I was shy, my family thought I was autistic because of mu extreme shyness. I didn’t make my first friend until the second grade. Most of my early school days are a blur and I don’t really remember, so. I started smoking weed in 6th grade, and that became the love of my life for the next 6 or seven years. When I was at school all I could think about was going home and […]
Yesterday I went to go talk to a Adult Nurse Practitioner at the mental health clinic I go to, and she asked me all the same questions as the Counselor and the guy who gave me the mental evaluation did. After talking to her for 2 hours. She told me that I had Major Depression and an Anxiety Disorder. She told me the reason I can’t sleep, and do drugs, and cut myself, all stems from the depression. She told me that she wanted me to continue to go to group, talk to the Psychologist they have there, and she wants to give me medication to […]
Hi,
so so this is the first time ever posting on a site (any site actually) but I’ve found that venting about thing regardless if people respond or not is beneficial and seeing a therapist once a week is clearly not cutting it anymore.
Okay let’s see now, I am 23 first generation American, middle child, genetic history of major clinical depression with multiple family members taking their own lives.
On the surface, I have a pleasant life. I haven’t had to worry about finances as much as most people have. Ran track in HS and was a state champion. Played collegiate rugby and excelled. However since I was […]
hiohneh is an user of this board and I can’t talk to her, I am unable to send an e-mail because it seems to have got deleted by her and the blogspot she used to write is down!
I was really trying to help this person but it seems that it wasn’t enough and I am really worried about her and I don’t have another way to contact her I don’t know what to do!?!
I fear that she gave up and I will really miss this person.
I thought that she just wanted more time to chill off, but it seems that it was my fault because I […]
I regret it completely.
I tried talking to my school counsellor, and another lecturer whom I hoped could trust with this problem. I just felt so hopeless that I thought that perhaps telling someone would lessen it (I don’t know, it was a moment of weakness).
Not only did that lecturer betray confidentiality – she told the counsellor that I wanted to commit suicide (which it do not) – and according to protocol she may have to report me. I couldn’t believe it. You can’t trust anyone, no matter what they swear or promise.
It was awful. The counsellor indirectly blamed me for her not being able to […]
i’m so sick of this bullshit.
when there are many people around, they say that they’re so proud of me, that they’re lucky to have me as their daughter.
meanwhile at home, they just yell at me about how a disgrace i am to the family.
everything i do is for them, even just studying, even living.
they don’t believe in suicide, they tell me that people who commited suicide were just tempted by the devil.
but what they don’t know is that their own daughter is too.
i’ve been the salutatorian ever since i began studying. i’ve been the editor-in-chief of our school newsletter. i always join contests, but never won […]
I hate business !
I hate money !
I hate capitalism / capitalist !
The main reason is because business kills creativity & ideas . money kills creativity & ideas . capitalism / capitalist kills creativity & ideas !
There are a LOT of good ideas , creativity , imaginations , inspirations , dreams , & even good deeds that business / money kills ! simply because of a petty, shallow reason “it doesn’t make a lot of money or profits ! ”
money makes the world unfair ! business makes the world unfair ! capitalism makes the world unfair !
plus , the world becomes a boring […]
This is a long story, so bear with me.
From the beginning: I’m a female, live in a pretty rural setting, was 20 years old when things got really bad. I’ve experienced complex trauma and was pretty angry, violent, self-destructive, depressed etc. all through childhood and adolescence. I moved to a new town in my late teens, got a job at a local social services agency, and moved into an apartment, which after about 9 months my partner moved into also. Mid December — right before finals week at college, actually — my partner and I ended things and she moved out. We had been together the […]
The title says it all. I graduated high school today, and I have never been this suicidal in my entire life. I’m not going to college or anything, so I feel like it’s just my time to go. I said goodbye to everyone, so it’s okay if I die now. Nobody there really liked me much, anyway. To be honest, I’m surprised I made it this far. I didn’t think I’d make it to graduation, but I did. Now I don’t really have anything left to live for. It’s almost sad, I used to have such big dreams and high hopes, but I don’t know […]
Hi (again),
This is my first post since the one I made somewhere in Octobre 2014, where i said i’d probably kill myself on Sunday. My brothers suicide, loneliness, school, stress and general depression were wrecking me.
Needless to say, i didn’t succeed. Alot has happened since then. Ah, where do i even start?
Okay so things were shit then (still are now so that’s stayed the same) and i felt very very very suicidal. My self harming had gotten pretty bad and i was making solid plans of killing myself.
I never mentioned this, but somewhere around a year ago i developped an eating […]
Has anyone heard from the user Hulahoop recently. I think they posted last week. Just wanted to check in and see if they are ok.
Hulahoop, if you read this. Please email me. my email is nwren86@yahoo.com. Just want to make sure you’re ok.
…that’s what my sister would have wanted.
If she was alive today.. she’d be the strongest and smartest in my family. She is truly the missing link in our world, and what it’s become.
There for i remain strong.
Nothing will stop me from being happy and at peace with this life.
I do this for you, Angel. I know mom still misses you very much.
I know you are watching over me..over all of us.
And I will never give up
My parents have always been super harsh on me, always yelling whenever I do just one thing wrong or forget to do another. They wonder why I never do anything when I have a mile long list of chores. (which they promptly tell me isn’t bad at all and that I need to quit my complaining. 10 chores compared to the one thing that each of them does? Hm. I don’t know, but that seems pretty bad to me.)
One night, it was really bad. It was Sunday, actually. We had just seen a movie together and it was almost dinner time. Now, my dad knows that I […]
i am not on this website because I’m suicidal, im here because I want to help someone who is. I want more than anything I’ve ever wanted, is to be the difference between a life and a suicide. Drop me a message if you want and please know that you aren’t the only one that feels this way. Everyone at some point in their lives thinks about killing themselves, but some people let it turn into a reality. You may feel like it’s the only escape, but it isn’t. There are 7 billion people in this world so there can’t be no one to talk […]